pinklady Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 I am new to this site and have taken comfort reading the different postings. Up until recently, I have been totally, madly in love with my BF(SG). We have been in a committed and happy relationship for several years now. We've had ups and downs but overall have both been pretty content. I've met a lot of very eligible SGs over the years but not once was interested. I only had eyes for my BF. All our friends and family kept asking when we're going to get married. We're both career oriented and until recently neither of us was ready to take the plunge. However, that changed about a year ago. Somehow I woke up one day and realized that I wanted to be married to him and have children. I started talking about getting married and kids with my BF but he was definitely not ready to have the 'discussion'. So I didn't push it. Well, not sure what happened but about 2 months ago he asked me to go shopping for an engagement ring. At the back of my mind this was a dream come true - like they said "be careful what you wish for". I was ready and I knew for sure I would say yes. I felt like this fairytale was about to have a happy ending - right? Well, not quite. I met a guy recently and for the first time in several years felt a very intense attraction for another man. We started talking and became fast friends. I was very comfortable with him - almost as if I have known him all my life. At the time, I didn't know he was a MM - he didn't wear his wedding band (of course nowadays, a lot of MM don't wear bands). Somehow we both managed to avoid the subject of whether we had significant others. Eventually, I did find out he was a MM. And he knew that my BF was talking about getting married. We would flirt but I kept thinking it was all 'harmless fun' because neither one of us was in any position to act on it for obvious reasons. I certainly had no intentions of getting involved with a MM. Aside from the fact that I didn't want to become the OW, I didn't want to hurt my BF nor my MM's other half (he has no kids) MM and I continued to talk - mostly over the phone. We both kept saying how lucky our partners were, etc. MM has a lot of traits that I want in a husband that my BF lacks. Of course, it doesn't help that he's absolutely gorgeous - maybe I'm confusing this physical attraction with something else. So here's my problem - we just crossed the line (sort of). MM kissed me and I kissed him back. We both wanted more but my conscience stopped me because I knew this would lead to a lot of hurt and heartache. If he was single, it may have been different. Although that brings me to the question of - does this mean that I'm not ready to get married or at least not married to my BF. I've never kissed another man during the entire length of my relationship with my BF. What makes it worse is I can't stop thinking about MM especially after that kiss. I think about him all the time (at work, at home, even when I'm with my BF). I really miss him - I have refrained from calling him but I'm not sure how long my resolve will last. After we've kissed, I told him that we shouldn't have done it. He said that he understands because we both have significant others. He said he's wanted to kiss me from the very 1st time we've met but stopped himself because of that very reason - until that day of course. I've never felt like this before except for the time I've met my BF. I just feel so alive. We talk about anything and everything. I don't know what to do. Logic tells me forget about MM but its easier said than done. I now understand all the stories and postings from the OW - what they go through especially since I've become one. Maybe its not too late - I can still walk away. I just don't know how. It's wrong but I think I'm falling for MM. I'm claiming temporary insanity. Help!
fanou22 Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 Of course it is always easier said than done to simply to walk away from someone you feel an attraction to. The attraction brings to light your relationship with your bf. If you are not completely sure about him then don't settle down for anything less simply because it is what everyone says. You don't want to find yourself in the middle of a disaster a few years from now. Take some time off from both of them and look inwards to what you really want. If you want to spend the rest of your life with your bf then be absolutely sure that this more than what you want and that you cannot imagine life without him But if you want to become the OW, then be aware that he may never be with you the way you want him to. As an OW, I don't encourage anyone to be in my situation. I say walk the other way and never look back. Remember you haven't crossed the point of no return yet.
Mr Spock Posted August 3, 2004 Posted August 3, 2004 One of the fastest ways to stop the "love" is probably to tell him how you feel. Chances are, he'll run the other way if he's just looking for a quick poke. If he responds (it's flattering, after all) then post and we'll go from there.
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