Brooksie1400 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Ok so the full story is I am in high school. Yes this is a high school relationship. I am 17 and so is my girlfriend. We have been dating for just over 2 years now. I'm madly in love with this girl. She was my first kiss and I lost my virginity to her. Right from the start it was bad. We weren't technically dating but we had a "thing" and she got really drunk and made out with 3 guys in one night. I decided I deserved better and stopped talking to her. Turned out he really liked me because for the next month she did everything to get me back and I fell for it. I'm partially to blame because I was untrustworthy because of what happened. Some rumors came out about her making out with guys at parties and I took her word which I still believe to this day. One night at a party she got drunk and did everything but sex with a 19 year old. She lied and told me they inly made out. In the summer she became close with a guy named "bobby" she claims they were close friends and I was always nervous about them. We ended up breaking up and he walke her home one night while she was drunk. She kissed him goodbye. Since then we have been talking and started getting back together. Hanging out texting 24/7 having sex and then she gets diagnosed with depression. She leaves me because she is unhappy with me and feels to guilty for all the mistakes she made. Cried in front of me as everything. A few days later she invited a 19 year old guy bailey over and they go hot tubbing. They made out a few times. What should I do. I know I should leave her and there is better people out there. She has kinda left me already cause she knows it won't really work. But I want it to work. I'm so in love with her. You can say its just a high school relationship but my feelings for her r so strong. Yes I am hurt but I want to forgive her and be happy again. Please give me an unbiased opinion. My family doesn't like her cause the things she has done. My friends r going through troubles of their own and know how badly you can want to be with someone so they understand that. What should I do. I want to be with her. And if you suggest move in tell me how to make it easier. I have to see her everyday.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I'm sorry you're hurting...it sounds to me like she's not a very loyal girlfriend...all the instances of drinking and cheating...I know you may not want to hear this, but you are so young at 17 years old. You have so many options and so many girls to meet in your future. You are in love with her, but her behaviour shows that she doesn't respect you. I remember my first love, I was 17, he was 16. I was SO in love with him. He dumped me for some skateboard chick...I thought it was the end for me...but it wasn't. Why don't you try to meet another girl?
Author Brooksie1400 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I have thought about looking for another girl and I guess the simple fact is I don't want to. She makes me so happy when I'm with her. The main problem is this last time she cheated she was sober and knowingly did so. We r technically broken up but I don't think that gives her any right. It's so hard seeing her go and I just want to forget about all the negatives and be happy with her. My head says no but my heart says yes.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I have thought about looking for another girl and I guess the simple fact is I don't want to. She makes me so happy when I'm with her. The main problem is this last time she cheated she was sober and knowingly did so. We r technically broken up but I don't think that gives her any right. It's so hard seeing her go and I just want to forget about all the negatives and be happy with her. My head says no but my heart says yes. If she cheated when she was sober...then that shows her true nature right? Your heart will always get in the way of logic when you're feeling hurt, it's natural. If you read in the break up section of this forum, you'll see so many people struggling...and a lot of them swear by NC - no contact. It worked for me, you just break off ties so that you have time to heal yourself from the hurt.
Author Brooksie1400 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Ya I have tried the NC thing. I went a day and a half right after we broke up and she texted me wanting help studying for an exam. Then she said I have to talk to you and told me about the hot tub thing. She missed talking to me and I could tell. I have 2 classes and she is in both of them which makes it harder. And with texting its to wash to talk to her basically effortlessly. And it's the same factor again. I just want to be texting her. I used to text her 24/7 so waking up with no messages and going to Ed without saying goodnight really sucks. And it makes me want to text her even more. I'm so stubborn. I know I'm young and there is other girls but I want this one. I just wish everyone could put it all behind us including my family. And her be faithful. But in reality I deserve better. Btw thanks a lot. Talking about this with someone who listens and gives a response based on just the situation helps.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Ya I have tried the NC thing. I went a day and a half right after we broke up and she texted me wanting help studying for an exam. Then she said I have to talk to you and told me about the hot tub thing. She missed talking to me and I could tell. I have 2 classes and she is in both of them which makes it harder. And with texting its to wash to talk to her basically effortlessly. And it's the same factor again. I just want to be texting her. I used to text her 24/7 so waking up with no messages and going to Ed without saying goodnight really sucks. And it makes me want to text her even more. I'm so stubborn. I know I'm young and there is other girls but I want this one. I just wish everyone could put it all behind us including my family. And her be faithful. But in reality I deserve better. Btw thanks a lot. Talking about this with someone who listens and gives a response based on just the situation helps. Sometimes we just can't get what we want. I'm a lot older than you, I'm 44. Yesterday I broke up with my bf, he is 45. We were together the whole summer and all of September. But he had this stupid problem where he would just ignore me when we had a little conflict. I mean ignore...no contact at all for days in a row. Now that was immature. We broke up and went NC for a month...I was healing but then he wanted to try again, and I did...but it ended up being the same bull crap so I was forced to end it...so you know this can happen at any age. It's heart-breaking. The best you can do is try to think of what is best for you, she will probably repeat her behaviour because she already has so many times. I know it can't be easy to see her every day...
Author Brooksie1400 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 What I'm telling myself in my head is to take it day by day. Try NC and see if she comes to me. I know she is sorry because of the depression she has (on meds not just a high school girl claiming false things) se is emotional. I'm not even sure if she wants to try again. Talking to her tonight she seemed like it a bit but I should leave her alone and see if she comes back. I'm willing to give her a chance if she behaves. Part of the problem is I was to controlling the other times and never let her go out at all. Well now she is almost rebelling saying it grad year I'm gunna hVe fun and I agreed and its not healthy for me to control her so I decided to trust her. And she hasn't broken that trust. But we break up and within days she hot tubs an makes out (multiple times which bugs me a lot too. Lots of time to say no) and its just hard. Sorry lol I'm kinda venting now. This is just recent news as of a few hours ago so I'm still a little heated. I wish I had better will power. What do you think of NC and if she comes back and gains my trust and proves to me I'm the most important person in her life then to give her a chance. And if she hooks up again then no. And those r kinda my guidelines. If she can follow that should I give her a chance? What if i can't handle the NC thing
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 What I'm telling myself in my head is to take it day by day. Try NC and see if she comes to me. I know she is sorry because of the depression she has (on meds not just a high school girl claiming false things) se is emotional. I'm not even sure if she wants to try again. Talking to her tonight she seemed like it a bit but I should leave her alone and see if she comes back. I'm willing to give her a chance if she behaves. Part of the problem is I was to controlling the other times and never let her go out at all. Well now she is almost rebelling saying it grad year I'm gunna hVe fun and I agreed and its not healthy for me to control her so I decided to trust her. And she hasn't broken that trust. But we break up and within days she hot tubs an makes out (multiple times which bugs me a lot too. Lots of time to say no) and its just hard. Sorry lol I'm kinda venting now. This is just recent news as of a few hours ago so I'm still a little heated. I wish I had better will power. What do you think of NC and if she comes back and gains my trust and proves to me I'm the most important person in her life then to give her a chance. And if she hooks up again then no. And those r kinda my guidelines. If she can follow that should I give her a chance? What if i can't handle the NC thing Vent all you want! That's why you're here. The problem I'm seeing is...if, as you say, she comes back and gains your trust again..how exactly will she do that? Not just by words, that's what my ex did...lots of wonderful romantic and loving words, but his actions contradicted his words...trust is built on positive experiences and quality time together, that's why it takes time. You have a right to have guidelines, or boundaries, and it's important you make them clear to her...but you have to stick to them. I always believe in second chances, as long as you're prepared for the worst and not just living in fairy tale land, you know what I mean? You have to be open to it, but guarded at the same time until they are able to show you that you can trust them again.
Author Brooksie1400 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I see exactly what your saying. And part of it is we r both very immature. Well we r mature but you know how teenagers r. Lots of drama and I feel like if we were older this stuff wouldn't happen. We both need to mature more. If she misses me enough to come back then my hope is she will have learned her lesson and be faithful. The other thing is we r almost 18 (legal drinking age) which I can see her going to clubs and stuff. And if I don't have full trust with her by then well I can see that being bad. I don't want to be untrustworthy person. Is there anyway I could message you in a couple days as an update or something? You have really helped me a lot. I'm feeling more confident in making the choice that will help me in the long run. I just need to see what happens with the NC and kinda take it from there. My friends tell me to talk to other girls but i don't agree with that cause if I led them on that's unfair to them and I still consider is unfair to my ex even though she did worse I don't believe in doing wrong either.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I see exactly what your saying. And part of it is we r both very immature. Well we r mature but you know how teenagers r. Lots of drama and I feel like if we were older this stuff wouldn't happen. We both need to mature more. If she misses me enough to come back then my hope is she will have learned her lesson and be faithful. The other thing is we r almost 18 (legal drinking age) which I can see her going to clubs and stuff. And if I don't have full trust with her by then well I can see that being bad. I don't want to be untrustworthy person. Is there anyway I could message you in a couple days as an update or something? You have really helped me a lot. I'm feeling more confident in making the choice that will help me in the long run. I just need to see what happens with the NC and kinda take it from there. My friends tell me to talk to other girls but i don't agree with that cause if I led them on that's unfair to them and I still consider is unfair to my ex even though she did worse I don't believe in doing wrong either. Well, I'll be here, I'm addicted to LS I think you're too new of a member for private messages...but look for me here. My ex is 45 years old, and he was totally immature. So don't knock your age. It's very individual. I'm worried though that she's already shown herself to be unfaithful while drinking...but she'll soon be legal to go to clubs...just be careful with her...go nc for a while, guard your heart.
Author Brooksie1400 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Ok thanks for the advice. Ya I just joined today. Ill post on here in a couple of days with an update. Your advice has helped a lot. Talking to someone instead of letting your thoughts get the best of you makes a huge difference. Deep down I'm hoping she wants to be with me and doesn't stop until she is. But I'm doubting that will happen so I have to prepare myself to be single. Anyways hopefully we can talk again before the end of the week with an update on my situation. Thanks a lot. 1
Author Brooksie1400 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 Hey so today I missed the first class I have with her to study and she texted me right away saying r you not coming? Then during the class I had with her she kept trying to talk to me and asked me a ton of questions and say beside me to copy my notes. She used to always text me at 4 after school right when she gets home. Sure enough today I get the 4 o'clock text from her. I answered cause deep down I wanted to. She asked how things were I told her ****ty because of everything going on. She then said I'm pretty sure I owe you money for filling my tank (couple weeks ago didn't plan on getting payed back) ad she said she would buy me supper. I thought this would be a good time to talk to her about what I plan on doing. We talk about it and she cried and also told me this happened on Halloween. Not the day after like I thought. This means we hungout the day before ad i asked her to come watch my hockey game that night. She said maybe and never showed. Turns out she was with him. This hurts me more. But seeing her made me want to forgive her. Before we started talking serious I was extremely happy both o us flirting and being happy. I don't know how to react cause she clearly must have feelings for me but its like she wants to hook up with guys at the same time. And after we saw each other she texted me saying sorry again which is the millionth time now. And we talked and now I don't know if she is ignoring me or busy or fell asleep and for some reason it's eating me alive. Like as if I'm worried she is ignoring me. Which even tho I need to try NC again it still bothers me. Like I was loving the attention she gave me today. It's like I don't want it to stop. What's your opinion
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