Car10e Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I've been seeing this guy for almost 2 months now, and I am a bit confused. Things seemed to have slowed down compared to when we first started talking. Before he would text me literally all day and basically text me stuff like " I miss you," "I can't wait to see you!" Now its kind of on and off through out the day. Sometimes he will just completely ignore my texts. I know its hard to tell someones mood through text, but its just not exciting like it was at first. Last month I would wake up to a text from him. He doesn't really do that anymore...but if I don't say anything he will text me later on in the day. So its not that he doesn't want to talk/text me, because he will still text me if I don't text him first. I have asked him where he thinks we stand, and he just told me he considers us casually dating. Today (Sunday), I asked him if he wanted to go to the mall with me for a little bit. Its been 8 hours with no reply. There has been a couple times where I have asked him a question and he just doesn't answer. I'm probably just over reacting, but I'm wondering if I should ask him whats up and if he's still interested.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Things normally cool down, communication-wise, after the initial honeymoon phase...but texting is a whole other animal. It creates a sense of immediacy where you feel as though the person is right there, reading your text and judging whether or not to respond to you and you have high expectations of response. Why don't you do yourself a favour and just pick up the phone?
Author Car10e Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Things normally cool down, communication-wise, after the initial honeymoon phase...but texting is a whole other animal. It creates a sense of immediacy where you feel as though the person is right there, reading your text and judging whether or not to respond to you and you have high expectations of response. Why don't you do yourself a favour and just pick up the phone? I don't think it would be any different if I called. I don't really care that he doesn't reply back immediately...I don't really reply back to him right away, but its just weird. I feel like he's not as in to it anymore, but then he goes and reaches for my hand when I am with him.
MrCastle Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 You're not overreacting, you tried to communicate with him and he didn't answer. I would feel the same way.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I don't think it would be any different if I called. I don't really care that he doesn't reply back immediately...I don't really reply back to him right away, but its just weird. I feel like he's not as in to it anymore, but then he goes and reaches for my hand when I am with him. My point is, texting is sterile. When you call, you can hear his voice, and his emotion. It will give you more peace of mind if you get that reassurance rather than overanalyzing and waiting on text replies. But to each his/her own.
MrCastle Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 My point is, texting is sterile. When you call, you can hear his voice, and his emotion. It will give you more peace of mind if you get that reassurance rather than overanalyzing and waiting on text replies. But to each his/her own. Depends on the culture, depends on the age. In my age group (20s), when I get an incoming call the first thing I'm thinking as I'm looking at my screen is "why didn't they just text?" Also, in this world of multi-tasking, phone calls slow me down. I have to stop whatever I'm doing and focus on the call. If I'm watching a movie comfortably at home, I have to pause the movie and whatnot. If I'm with friends, I have to walk away and find privacy if it's a personal call. Little annoyances like that. It takes you out of the sync of whatever it was you were doing. I like being able to read and respond to messages at my leisure.
River Rain Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Depends on the culture, depends on the age. In my age group (20s), when I get an incoming call the first thing I'm thinking as I'm looking at my screen is "why didn't they just text?" Also, in this world of multi-tasking, phone calls slow me down. I have to stop whatever I'm doing and focus on the call. If I'm watching a movie comfortably at home, I have to pause the movie and whatnot. If I'm with friends, I have to walk away and find privacy if it's a personal call. Little annoyances like that. It takes you out of the sync of whatever it was you were doing. I like being able to read and respond to messages at my leisure. I respect that...but if you're in a romantic relationship, wouldn't you want to speak to your SO rather than texting? You make it sound like it's kind of a bother if someone calls you, but not a SO right?
Author Car10e Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I respect that...but if you're in a romantic relationship, wouldn't you want to speak to your SO rather than texting? You make it sound like it's kind of a bother if someone calls you, but not a SO right? I agree with above. I think it does depend on the people. In my case, it is more convenient to text, as he will text me while in class or at work. I'm just confused because the continuous texting throughout the day has stopped, which makes me believe its not as into it anymore, but then I see him and he acts like a boyfriend does.
veggirl Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 After 2 months he still considers you "casually dating" and is less responsive to you....I think he has lost interest tbh.
Author Car10e Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 After 2 months he still considers you "casually dating" and is less responsive to you....I think he has lost interest tbh. Yeah thats what I was thinking... but why does he text me if I don't text him? He still grabs my hand, cuddles, calls me babe, and all that stuff. It's so confusing! Should I just ask him?
veggirl Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Yeah thats what I was thinking... but why does he text me if I don't text him? He still grabs my hand, cuddles, calls me babe, and all that stuff. It's so confusing! Should I just ask him? Yes you should. Because the more you get attached, the more it will hurt if he is really just "casual" about you. Ask him what casually dating means to him, surely he will give you a spiel about not wanting the pressure etc of a relationship...then it's up to you.
dasein Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Agree with VG, sorry to say he seems to be losing interest, not moving out of the honeymoon period. But do try to gauge the relationship more by how things are between you in person. Is the frequency of face to face still the same? Does he treat you well and seek to include you more and more in his life? Those are the things that really matter, try to navigate by those. People are capable of getting burnt out on lots of texting, but his comment about casual dating is cause for concern as to whether you two are on the same page or not. Good luck.
mortensorchid Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Texting is an odd thing. It's convenient but still provided a sense of immediacy to those on the other end of the text. It's natural that things will cool off after a while, but what he is doing is not right to you. He should tell you somehow that he is no longer interested or whatever the case may be. Unfortunately it sounds like he is trying to do "the fade". FOr future reference, don't respond to all text messages immediately. Wait a bit (say an hour or so) to respond, it makes you look less eager, unless it's some kind of emergency.
Author Car10e Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Agree with VG, sorry to say he seems to be losing interest, not moving out of the honeymoon period. But do try to gauge the relationship more by how things are between you in person. Is the frequency of face to face still the same? Does he treat you well and seek to include you more and more in his life? Those are the things that really matter, try to navigate by those. People are capable of getting burnt out on lots of texting, but his comment about casual dating is cause for concern as to whether you two are on the same page or not. Good luck. Ok so I over reacted...I texted him about it, and he ended up calling me an hour after. He just explained he was busy studying at school, and then asked if he could come over. Ended up being a good night after all. Thanks for the responses! 1
curlygirl40 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Agree with VG, sorry to say he seems to be losing interest, not moving out of the honeymoon period. But do try to gauge the relationship more by how things are between you in person. Is the frequency of face to face still the same? Does he treat you well and seek to include you more and more in his life? Those are the things that really matter, try to navigate by those. People are capable of getting burnt out on lots of texting, but his comment about casual dating is cause for concern as to whether you two are on the same page or not. Good luck. Agreed. I would not be concerned with the lack of texting if all other signs are that he's into you, seeing you, spending time together, etc. because people do get burned out on it, however the other signs with the slowdown of the texting? That is something to think about. The biggest sign is his comment about 'casually dating' after 2 months. And also I understand how the texting might be slowing down after a bit, but him basically ignoring a text where you had a question about going to the mall, that's an issue too.
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I've been seeing this guy for almost 2 months now, and I am a bit confused. Things seemed to have slowed down compared to when we first started talking. Before he would text me literally all day and basically text me stuff like " I miss you," "I can't wait to see you!" Now its kind of on and off through out the day. Sometimes he will just completely ignore my texts. I know its hard to tell someones mood through text, but its just not exciting like it was at first. Last month I would wake up to a text from him. He doesn't really do that anymore...but if I don't say anything he will text me later on in the day. So its not that he doesn't want to talk/text me, because he will still text me if I don't text him first. I have asked him where he thinks we stand, and he just told me he considers us casually dating. Today (Sunday), I asked him if he wanted to go to the mall with me for a little bit. Its been 8 hours with no reply. There has been a couple times where I have asked him a question and he just doesn't answer. I'm probably just over reacting, but I'm wondering if I should ask him whats up and if he's still interested. texting sucks unless you know the people you are texting really well......you dont know how people you dont know will take your texts etc.....plus with me people who i know really well always text me back straight away...i dont normally text to people i dont know really well....and when i have.....not fun...i am a worry wart so people who know me know how to take me...and i know how to take them..with people i know i can send as many texts as I want to, takes me forever to write one so i dont text often...smilin....but with people i havent known for a long time i hit send and then wonder...should i apologise for that text adn then apologise for apologising.....nah it wasnt bad....was it? then i argue with myself......until i put on my headphones and ipod on and groove away my doubts.....hate mobiles thinking of gifting mine again ..........deb
carhill Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I have asked him where he thinks we stand, and he just told me he considers us casually dating. How was this asked and answered? In person, etc... I have an anecdote about the last employee I fired for texting while I was paying them to work for me. Gave him his pay and told him to get the hell off my job. Kids. That's one potential reason for less texting. Unemployment and lessons learned from it. There are others perhaps more applicable to your circumstances. The primary one is interest. We choose whom gets the tap, tap, tap of fingers on a keyboard and right now you're not a priority for those fingers. They may be tapping someone else; they may be holding a beer; who knows. My advice to you is to communicate about relationship issues like this in person and face to face. Good luck.
dasein Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Glad to hear things are working out, but the "casually dating" comment, provided you view the relationship otherwise, is something you need to explore before buying into the relationship any further.
Author Car10e Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Alright people, thanks for your responses. I still stand with my view on texting. It all really depends on the people. I noticed the younger generation prefer texting, over calling. Texting is more convenient to communicate throughout the day. AND I do talk to him on the phone, mostly at night when both of us are free. Also, a lot of people have brought up his comment about us casually dating. I should've said that he said that about a month ago. It hasn't even been a full 2 months, and I only knew him for a couple days before we even started seriously talking. I don't really see his response being a problem. I have met his parents, and his friends, and he has met mine. Even though communication throughout the day has died down, he still texts me everyday. Today he asked if I want to go to dinner. I figure he is still interested if he is making the time to see me.
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