So The Ball Is Now In My Court Right?

[ReadMyThread]

-Dated for 9 months.

-She was my first true love

-She left me for another guy

-NC for 60 days

-She broke NC with a message saying, "good luck in school.". I didn't reply.

-2 minutes later she sent another message saying, "I'm sure you hate me that's fine but I'm sorry.".

-I didn't reply again.

-Turns out she dumped this guy she left me for and has made a mistake according to her.

-2 days after she broke NC, she broke it again by texting me from her new phone number. She said, "Hey David.". I said, "uaaaahh hey lol. Who is this?". She said, "Kate...". I didn't reply and 5 minutes later she sent another text saying, "I knew you weren't going to text back that's fine I just wanted to see how you are doing.". I didn't reply.

-3 days after that she sends me a message saying, "Please talk to me... Your the one who said we could be friends and that's what you wanted.". I didn't reply.

 

That was 2 days ago and I haven't broke NC in 2 months. So here I am now. Having to deal with all these times she has tried to reach out. THEY ARE KILLING ME!!! Now I have no idea what to do. I don't know if she wants to get back together or just ease her guilt and really just be friends. The thing is though, we had already agreed to be friends 2 months ago when she left me. (I know, big mistake. My first break-up lol). Why would she be trying to be friends if we already "were" lol. Matter fact, why is she even talking to me!? She left me! Which would mean that she wants nothing to do with me right? lol. I REALLY want to be with her. Stupid I know, but I love her and could see us together again. NOT RIGHT AWAY! It would take SOOOOO much for this to happen and I would have to see changes in her and spend alot of time with her before making anything happen IF THAT WERE THE CASE! Bare with me people. I'm not saying she wants to be with me again. Hell, I'm scared to even find out.

 

What I'm getting at is, she was the dumper and she has broke NC which would mean the ball is now in my court. I can choose to respond or not. I'm debating if I should or not. I'm soooooo scared to break it and then her tell me she still doesn't want to be with me and just wants to be "friends". I'm terrified of the pain that will bring. But I also feel I HAVE TO BREAK NC. In order to move on, because ever since I have gotten these messages all I have been thinking about is her wanting to be with me again when that may not even be the case. I feel I need to message her and see what it is she wants. I know it will hurt if she doesn't want to be with me but then I WOULD KNOW instead of sitting here thinking, "what if were did get back together." and all that other stuff. My mom and sister say I should message her and see what she wants. They say, "you have ignored her long enough and if you keep doing so, then she will eventually give up trying to talk to you". Then others say, :"just ignore her and move on." Only problem is I can't with all these damn messages and BS she is saying. :/. I feel I need to know in order to move on guys. She either wants me again or not...

[dreamstate83]

Sounds to me like you should just take a deep breath, realize that she's in a very emotionally unwell state, realize that even if she said she wanted you back that you have a good chance of being a rebound as well, and then send her this:

 

"I hate to be blunt, but I'm sure you can understand why I'm going to ask you this but I need a straight answer. What do you hope to achieve by talking to me?"

 

 

OR

 

 

stay no contact. If she's really that desperate to get you back then she will make it so clear that there will be NO mistaking it.

[ReadMyThread]

Sounds to me like you should just take a deep breath, realize that she's in a very emotionally unwell state, realize that even if she said she wanted you back that you have a good chance of being a rebound as well, and then send her this:

 

"I hate to be blunt, but I'm sure you can understand why I'm going to ask you this but I need a straight answer. What do you hope to achieve by talking to me?"

 

 

OR

 

 

stay no contact. If she's really that desperate to get you back then she will make it so clear that there will be NO mistaking it.

 

Your totally right! I think I'm going to remain NC since I have been doing so well and if she tries to contact me again I will hit her with what you just told me to tell her. Although it does sound a bit mean lol. Don't it?

[Simon Phoenix]

Your totally right! I think I'm going to remain NC since I have been doing so well and if she tries to contact me again I will hit her with what you just told me to tell her. Although it does sound a bit mean lol. Don't it?

 

She broke up with you and you are concerned about sounding "mean"? Man up. It's not mean, it's direct and it'll prevent you from being sucked in the "are we friends or are we a couple" limbo, which is a worse place to be than broken up. If she thinks that comes off as mean, then she obviously doesn't understand the situation and she is not a person you want to be with.

[ReadMyThread]

She broke up with you and you are concerned about sounding "mean"? Man up. It's not mean, it's direct and it'll prevent you from being sucked in the "are we friends or are we a couple" limbo, which is a worse place to be than broken up. If she thinks that comes off as mean, then she obviously doesn't understand the situation and she is not a person you want to be with.

 

I JUST thought about that RIGHT before I hit the submit reply to that comment. lol. Me sounding mean after everything she has put me through SHOULD be how it should be lol but I'm the bigger person and will come off calm and direct.

[lebronfan1]

My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago because i lied to her about me losing my job. there hasnt been any contact with her, and i found out today that she is hanging out in a group which consists of her best friend for years and her husband. the husbands brother is my ex gf's brother. They were together for a few years about 6 or 7 years ago. they broke up, he went over seas for 4 years and now hes back in town. tonight i found out that my ex is hanging with her ex and her best friend. after 3 weeks that we've been broken up. Is this common people? Im tryin now to foocus on getting my career started and showing her that i am focused and ready to settle down. I need ur help people. What should i do and any advice u guys can give me. Me and my ex were together for 2 1/2 years and we talked about our future many times, having kids, getting married. We have bought furniture, all sorts of supplies for a house when we were going to buy one. putting back money for rent, everything. Now, seems like its all gone with us. Need ur help. Thank you

[ReadMyThread]

My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago because i lied to her about me losing my job. there hasnt been any contact with her, and i found out today that she is hanging out in a group which consists of her best friend for years and her husband. the husbands brother is my ex gf's brother. They were together for a few years about 6 or 7 years ago. they broke up, he went over seas for 4 years and now hes back in town. tonight i found out that my ex is hanging with her ex and her best friend. after 3 weeks that we've been broken up. Is this common people? Im tryin now to foocus on getting my career started and showing her that i am focused and ready to settle down. I need ur help people. What should i do and any advice u guys can give me. Me and my ex were together for 2 1/2 years and we talked about our future many times, having kids, getting married. We have bought furniture, all sorts of supplies for a house when we were going to buy one. putting back money for rent, everything. Now, seems like its all gone with us. Need ur help. Thank you

 

Well this guy totally just stole my thread. lol. Look man. There really isn't nothing you can do but better yourself and do your best to do the things that make you happy without her. Anything you do or say to her isn't going to change how she feels. Only she can. Just better yourself and stay strong on the NC and the things that take your mind off of her if it's possible.

[lebronfan1]

Ok, so any idea why she is hanging out with her ex that she hasnt been with in 7 years?

[Simon Phoenix]

Ok, so any idea why she is hanging out with her ex that she hasnt been with in 7 years?

 

You should probably start your own thread instead of hijacking others. I saw you post the exact same story in another thread. FYI.

[salmagundi]

start your own goddamm thread fer f?&k's sake...

[Tiera D]

OP read caliguys no contact thread,the response your ex gives is just breadcrumbs,i would only even consider replying her if she keeps persisting for atleast 2 more weeks

 

TD

[Frank13]

-Turns out she dumped this guy she left me for and has made a mistake according to her.

 

This is why she is contacting you. She is feeling lonely.

 

I had been 8 months NC with my ex and still missed her. I dumped her because she lost feelings for me. I was moving on but the process was slow mostly because it was a blow to my ego.

 

I then met another girl and she made me forget about my ex. I was feeling great. After a few dates I realized we weren't going to work out so I stopped seeing her. Guess what, I was then back to missing my ex again, even more than before. That's what is happening with her. If she was still with the guy, you wouldn't have heard from her.

 

Based on soooo many stories here I can tell you what is going to happen if you reply -

 

She will keep trying to get you to reply. Every time you don't it is a blow to her ego. That's all it is. As soon as you reply, you validate her and stroke her ego. Once she gets that, she knows she still has you on the string so feels free to move on, and you will never hear from her again.

 

I have also seen numerous stories here where someone gets dumped (blow to ego). They beg and plead for the ex to come back, but she doesn't (more blow to ego).

 

Months after NC the ex dumper comes crawling back. This is exactly what the dumpee has been hoping for, but once it happens, the dumpee no longer wants the ex back (ego is stroked and they are validated) .

 

So now the ex dumper begs and pleads (due to blow to their ego) which in turn strokes the dumpee's ego, but the dumpee refuses to get back with the ex dumper.

 

The ex dumper then gives up, disappears, and goes NC but still would like to get back with the dumpee. After this happens, the dumpee suddenly realizes they made a msitake and they do want the ex dumper back (her no contact was a blow to his ego).

 

The dumpee contacts the ex dumper but now she doesn't want to get back together again (because her ego was now stroked).

 

I used the terms "him" and "her" in the example but it doesn't matter which sex is the one doing the dumping. The story turns out the same.

 

A little side note. In the story I mentioned above where I stopped seeing the new girl, after two weeks NC she started calling me and texting me. I ignored it for a couple days. Then I finally replied to one text asking "what's up?". I never heard from her again. The NC was a blow to her ego. My reply stroked her ego. In this case though I didn't care because I didn't want to see her again. The only reason I replied to her was because I didn't care so there was no problem with healing or going back to day one.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Frank13

[ReadMyThread]

This is why she is contacting you. She is feeling lonely.

 

I had been 8 months NC with my ex and still missed her. I dumped her because she lost feelings for me. I was moving on but the process was slow mostly because it was a blow to my ego.

 

I then met another girl and she made me forget about my ex. I was feeling great. After a few dates I realized we weren't going to work out so I stopped seeing her. Guess what, I was then back to missing my ex again, even more than before. That's what is happening with her. If she was still with the guy, you wouldn't have heard from her.

 

Based on soooo many stories here I can tell you what is going to happen if you reply -

 

She will keep trying to get you to reply. Every time you don't it is a blow to her ego. That's all it is. As soon as you reply, you validate her and stroke her ego. Once she gets that, she knows she still has you on the string so feels free to move on, and you will never hear from her again.

 

I have also seen numerous stories here where someone gets dumped (blow to ego). They beg and plead for the ex to come back, but she doesn't (more blow to ego).

 

Months after NC the ex dumper comes crawling back. This is exactly what the dumpee has been hoping for, but once it happens, the dumpee no longer wants the ex back (ego is stroked and they are validated) .

 

So now the ex dumper begs and pleads (due to blow to their ego) which in turn strokes the dumpee's ego, but the dumpee refuses to get back with the ex dumper.

 

The ex dumper then gives up, disappears, and goes NC but still would like to get back with the dumpee. After this happens, the dumpee suddenly realizes they made a msitake and they do want the ex dumper back (her no contact was a blow to his ego).

 

The dumpee contacts the ex dumper but now she doesn't want to get back together again (because her ego was now stroked).

 

I used the terms "him" and "her" in the example but it doesn't matter which sex is the one doing the dumping. The story turns out the same.

 

A little side note. In the story I mentioned above where I stopped seeing the new girl, after two weeks NC she started calling me and texting me. I ignored it for a couple days. Then I finally replied to one text asking "what's up?". I never heard from her again. The NC was a blow to her ego. My reply stroked her ego. In this case though I didn't care because I didn't want to see her again. The only reason I replied to her was because I didn't care so there was no problem with healing or going back to day one.

 

Wooooooooooooooow that was the biggest mind f*** I have read lol. So to me, all it really sounds like is a damn game . A game I don't like playing. But I thank you for everything you just posted because it made me NEVER want to contact her again. It's all for HER ego because she is selfish. Well she has taken 3 blows to her ego so far then since I haven't responded. I bet we will stop and won't try no more. How would I KNOW if it is a second chance she wants with me? I'm confused

[LostOne1]

to be honest if she left you for someone else why take her back?

 

I always feel if someone can leave you for someone else... chances are they can do it again.

 

If I were you.. I'd look else where. I know it's super tough I'm having a tough time myself moving on. But sometimes it hurts a lot to move on and leave everything behind. One of the toughest things we have to do in life.

 

One reason why I wish I never loved or went out with anyone or had a relationship... it always ends up hurting at some point and it hits you hard then...

 

At the same time going through it makes you stronger in life I believe. It gives you new experiences and I think everyone would agree at some point in the relationship there HAD to be a time or moment when it was the best feeling ever.

[CptSaveAho]

its not necessarily that complicated...

 

they are having a bad day...and they reach out... you either give them "love cpr" by responding or you don't. I assure you, they wont care either way and its not really this huge complicated mind game.

 

for you, keep your NC alive.

 

there will come a point where you just dont care anymore, find someone that measures up and you wont even think or care about that person anymore... see how not complicated this is?

[ReadMyThread]

its not necessarily that complicated...

 

they are having a bad day...and they reach out... you either give them "love cpr" by responding or you don't. I assure you, they wont care either way and its not really this huge complicated mind game.

 

for you, keep your NC alive.

 

there will come a point where you just dont care anymore, find someone that measures up and you wont even think or care about that person anymore... see how not complicated this is?

 

Gotcha. Thanks man.

[mano]

frank u r absolutely right. i am going through the same situation and its darn frustrating. m bf left me, i begged n tried a hell lot to make him understand but then it was kinda a blow to m ego i just stopped n went NC. then he tried talking himself. i feel bad whenever i have to just ignore him. i end up responding n as soon as i do that he gets all indifferent . its just crazy. i do know he loves me n is having a hard time but i am sick of these games. its darn frustrating i cant do much all day except just keep on thinking about his attempts n what he wants n whats going on in his head. he misses me too but then as soon as i respond or try being nice to him he acts all naive

[martina34]

she hasnt been with in 7 years?