ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) So I found this guy I went to HS with my junior year on FB the other day. It is a long story but when I was a junior in HS I did a program that sent me to another school half of a day, I met him at this school and I liked him then he was really cute and sweet but he had a girlfriend and she was STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL like honestly a billion times more prettier than I could ever be so I never tried to talk to him much beyond friends. The problem back then was that he pretty much cheated on his pretty gf with like 3 girls from our class, at the time (before my total desperation haha) I thought that was terrible and I didn't want to be associated with that. We talked as friends and that was it, I don't hold it against him now because he was 16 or 17 and so obviously you live and learn. I dropped that program after my junior year to be a normal senior and be with my friends but I reconnected with him after I graduated and we sexted a little and I intended to lose my virginity to him, we went back and forth with texting and making plans and I backed out every single time because when I was 18/19 I imagined myself losing my virginity to someone I was in a relationship with and dating and it would be great and make me and whoever the guy was a stronger couple.. Obviously I failed at that. He went to the Marines and I haven't heard from him since, until last week when I found him on FB. I added him we messaged and he was very receptive to talking to me, I apologized to him for being so flaky back in the day and just told him I didn't know what I wanted, he accepted it blah blah, basically he is in some other country but it is a secret. We talk on skype and use this text program and it is cool talking to him but all we do is sext, and webcam and stuff. He said he wants to get together when he comes home which is in a few months and I want to. I know that it will probably entail sex but I just want to spend time with him I feel like I like him. The thing is we could have worked out had we both shared our feelings sooner, I heard he thought I was hot in HS but he had a gf and slept with a lot of other girls so I was uninterested. I'm afraid it is too late and I don't know how it would work out with him being in the Marines, but I am graduating in May so if we did get together I could work my life plans out to include him right?? I just don't know what to do because I like him but I don't know anything haha I don't know if I will want to have sex when he comes here, but I also really like talking to him and I hope it could turn into something. Could anything ever even be serious because of the whole webcaming and sexting?? He said he wants a relationship but I am not going to interrogate him about it.. If he comes here and I get to be around him it's only going to be a few hours. Edited November 5, 2012 by ImperfectionisBeauty
Carenth Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 From what you have described of your interactions thus far and his track record. More than likely he is looking for a willing booty call when he gets back. The reasons I say this is you describe your interactions with him as "We talk on skype and use this text program and it is cool talking to him but all we do is sext, and webcam and stuff. " Does he ask anything about you, is he interested in you (other than in a sexual nature) example asking about what you are doing with your life, friends, family. What I'm saying is he showing interest in you as a person or you as the potential FWB situation there is a distinct difference. From what you have described thus far it seems like that later.
veggirl Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Do you think he'd still talk to you if you cut out the sexting and whatnot? I imagine if he comes and you guys get together, it will just be sex since that is all it has been this time around anyway. I certainly wouldn't be hoping for anything else with this guy, sorry.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 From what you have described of your interactions thus far and his track record. More than likely he is looking for a willing booty call when he gets back. The reasons I say this is you describe your interactions with him as "We talk on skype and use this text program and it is cool talking to him but all we do is sext, and webcam and stuff. " Does he ask anything about you, is he interested in you (other than in a sexual nature) example asking about what you are doing with your life, friends, family. What I'm saying is he showing interest in you as a person or you as the potential FWB situation there is a distinct difference. From what you have described thus far it seems like that later. We asked each other how everything was when we first messaged. We talked really casually then it turned sexy. I don't know how I feel about this now because I don't want to be used anymore you know? But idk I like him a lot lol.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Do you think he'd still talk to you if you cut out the sexting and whatnot? I imagine if he comes and you guys get together, it will just be sex since that is all it has been this time around anyway. I certainly wouldn't be hoping for anything else with this guy, sorry. You think I can ask him that?? I don't want to be like overly weird you know??
xpaperxcutx Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 We asked each other how everything was when we first messaged. We talked really casually then it turned sexy. I don't know how I feel about this now because I don't want to be used anymore you know? But idk I like him a lot lol. Just because you like somebody doesn't mean you should only follow your feelings and not reason. Do you even care about your own safety at all? Take a step back if you don't want to get used. The reason your conversations always turned into sex is because you allow it. You have control over what kind of conversations should go on. You have right to stop sexting and sexy conversations by calling a stop to them. If you don't know your boundaries, how will you expect others to respect them? 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Just because you like somebody doesn't mean you should only follow your feelings and not reason. Do you even care about your own safety at all? Take a step back if you don't want to get used. The reason your conversations always turned into sex is because you allow it. You have control over what kind of conversations should go on. You have right to stop sexting and sexy conversations by calling a stop to them. If you don't know your boundaries, how will you expect others to respect them? It's so hard. I feel like I am never going to be a respectable marriage material girl anymore. I want to not sext and stuff but he won't talk to me if I don't and there is nothing to talk about I tried earlier today to change the subject to see what he was doing and he was just like really short.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 It's so hard. I feel like I am never going to be a respectable marriage material girl anymore. I want to not sext and stuff but he won't talk to me if I don't and there is nothing to talk about I tried earlier today to change the subject to see what he was doing and he was just like really short. Whose to decide whether you are marriageable or not? You do. But you are allowing this kind of behaviour to occur because you want validation from strangers. Have more respect for yourself. This guy already showed his true colors. Now cut him off. 1
SmileFace Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 It's so hard. I feel like I am never going to be a respectable marriage material girl anymore. I want to not sext and stuff but he won't talk to me if I don't and there is nothing to talk about I tried earlier today to change the subject to see what he was doing and he was just like really short. This is proof enough that it isn't going to grow to anything else. You have to show people how you want to be treated. If you don't want to be used don't allow self to be. I understand the difficulty - I myself this weekend had to delete an ex's number out of my phone again ( and I emphasis on again) who broke up me the last time we tried to be together again. However when he decides to reappear and starts with the sexual talk and I respond in the same way - That is my own fault, I am not being used : I am just being a fool and allow it. Don't let your lonliness or want for a relationship - allow you to settle. You know this won't turn to anything. Don't live off of hope.
veggirl Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 How can you say you like him if you guys have nothing other than sex to talk about? You don't need to ASK him if he'd still talk to you w/o sexting you just try it. When he starts in on it just say you aren't feeling that right now and how was his day? or something like that. but you said you already know he won't talk to you w/o it so you should look out for yourself and just forget him.
CarrieT Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Could anything ever even be serious because of the whole webcaming and sexting?? Warning! Warning! Warning! Lots and lots of girls do intimate things on webcams that end up on sex sites without their knowledge. It is REALLY an unwise thing to do. Most of the files have titles that include references to the fact that the girls are EX-Girlfriends so these chicks are doing it in the confines of a loving, committed relationship and when they break-up, the guys post the files online. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Warning! Warning! Warning! Lots and lots of girls do intimate things on webcams that end up on sex sites without their knowledge. It is REALLY an unwise thing to do. Most of the files have titles that include references to the fact that the girls are EX-Girlfriends so these chicks are doing it in the confines of a loving, committed relationship and when they break-up, the guys post the files online. I know I have done some SUPER dumb things in the past, I was smart this time, I didn't get naked for him he watched my facial expressions when I was getting off. I do regret the naked pics I have sent in the past but I stopped putting my face in them now if I send them and I don't casually do it, I only do it if I am talking to a guy or if I like him (hence this situation). Still stupid I know.
CarrieT Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I know I have done some SUPER dumb things in the past, I was smart this time, I didn't get naked for him he watched my facial expressions when I was getting off. I do regret the naked pics I have sent in the past but I stopped putting my face in them now if I send them and I don't casually do it, I only do it if I am talking to a guy or if I like him (hence this situation). Still stupid I know. I'm confused - you just showed your face while you masturbated? But this time you only showed your body? You are okay with your headless/faceless naked body being out there??? Either one is stupid - and you don't really know this guy well enough to trust him.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I'm confused - you just showed your face while you masturbated? But this time you only showed your body? You are okay with your headless/faceless naked body being out there??? Either one is stupid - and you don't really know this guy well enough to trust him. With him this time (last night) I showed only my face while I masturbated I didn't want to take off any clothes. No I'm not ok with it but idk I really wanted to talk to him and he was like "well I'm horny" lol so I was like whatever. I am replying to the message too because your box is full I'm still in therapy and idk it is helping I guess but I like to immediately feel better and I don't lol but I know I have to stop, guys love sex though. As much as I try to not do pictures and not talk sexy it's hard because what if they don't want to talk about anything else? Should I just ignore this guy Mr. Marines?? Do you think I can just not talk sex anymore and try to be super interesting without sexiness?
CarrieT Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 As much as I try to not do pictures and not talk sexy it's hard because what if they don't want to talk about anything else? Then they are not worth talking to. Do you think I can just not talk sex anymore and try to be super interesting without sexiness? Test the waters. If he doesn't want to talk about anything but sex, then he's not worth the time or effort. It is pretty simple. 1
threebyfate Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I used to belong to a special interest site where a male and female member "got together". They finally sex-cammed and right afterwards, he posted the clip in the "male members only" subforum. Never show your face.
veggirl Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 GEEZ girl. Sex is NEVER going to get you the guy! It might temporarily but it will get you one type of guy for one thing! You say you want a real relationship and you want marriage and babies, sending naked pics to guys you "like" or are "talking to" is NOT going to get you a real relationship!! It's going to get you pumped and dumped! Seriously. How many dudes have naked pics of you?! You REALLY REALLY REALLY need a 100% break from guys. MOST guys your age will take the sexy pics / chats / "relationship" that you are offering on a silver platter...it means nothing. It does not mean they LIKE you. I am actually worried about you. The way you talk so casually about offering up yourself sexually is disturbing, esp cause it's clear that you do it just to get the guys attention 3
xpaperxcutx Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 GEEZ girl. Sex is NEVER going to get you the guy! It might temporarily but it will get you one type of guy for one thing! You say you want a real relationship and you want marriage and babies, sending naked pics to guys you "like" or are "talking to" is NOT going to get you a real relationship!! It's going to get you pumped and dumped! Seriously. How many dudes have naked pics of you?! You REALLY REALLY REALLY need a 100% break from guys. MOST guys your age will take the sexy pics / chats / "relationship" that you are offering on a silver platter...it means nothing. It does not mean they LIKE you. I am actually worried about you. The way you talk so casually about offering up yourself sexually is disturbing, esp cause it's clear that you do it just to get the guys attention Considering her posting pattern, it seems she voluntarily places herself in these situations because she seriously has low self-esteem. OP, I remember you said you were seeing a therapist? Please talk with her. You are not helping yourself any by placing yourself in these dangerous situations. YOu're merely allowing men to exploit you for sex. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Considering her posting pattern, it seems she voluntarily places herself in these situations because she seriously has low self-esteem. OP, I remember you said you were seeing a therapist? Please talk with her. You are not helping yourself any by placing yourself in these dangerous situations. YOu're merely allowing men to exploit you for sex. I thought I was doing a lot better until now, I had totally avoided guys except for the ones who hit on me at the bar but idk this sucks.
veggirl Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Considering her posting pattern, it seems she voluntarily places herself in these situations because she seriously has low self-esteem. OP, I remember you said you were seeing a therapist? Please talk with her. You are not helping yourself any by placing yourself in these dangerous situations. YOu're merely allowing men to exploit you for sex. Agreed. I was wondering if she tells her therapist about her tactics to get / keep men interested.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Agreed. I was wondering if she tells her therapist about her tactics to get / keep men interested. My therapist knows a lot of stuff about me having a lot of sex and stuff she doesn't know about the pictures because that wasn't a big issue until now because I stopped but now idk it has crept up again.
CarrieT Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 My therapist knows a lot of stuff about me having a lot of sex and stuff she doesn't know about the pictures because that wasn't a big issue until now because I stopped but now idk it has crept up again. Time to tell her. And - if I may recommend - resist the temptation to "idk" every response, please...
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Time to tell her. And - if I may recommend - resist the temptation to "idk" every response, please... I'm embarrassed to tell her :/ I will but it is embarrassing Sorry I say "idk" when I can't think of something to say and I also say "like".
Carenth Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Quite simply you are not going to find a serious long term relationship by offering up sexy times as the only thing you have to offer. If a guy won't talk to you if you aren't talking about sex then he isn't worth your time. You really should be careful, it is very worrying that you almost nonchalantly offer up nude photos etc. There is a lot of horrible forums where guys share this sort of stuff as "trophies" with no respect for the girls that gave them the material. Once something is out in the wild on the internet it's near impossible to get it removed. You should really think about that before you give out photos and videos like that, do you really want this stuff been shared around?
SmileFace Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Don't you think about you reputation when sending nude pics to guys you are not in a relationship with?
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