I cant be 'just friends'

[justinxm3]

I met this pretty lady about 3 months ago at a gym I go to regularly. She was really depressed as she had just gotten out of relationship and she was seeking help from me on how to get over a relationship. At first I didn’t have any feelings for her romantically, but something change after about a month of getting to know her. I tried to not gain feelings for her as I knew it would be complicated if we were to get together, especially if she wasn’t over her ex boyfriend. And I really didn’t want to put myself out there on the line only for her to run back to her ex if that opportunity came for her.

 

Anyway, we began talking quite a bit over the past months, texting pretty much every day, every few hours. When I think about it, I think there was only 1 day we hadn’t contacted each other either by phone or by texting each other. So as you can see, we were really in close contact with each other constantly. On many occasions we would be on the phone late into the morning and I’d be the last one she talked to before falling asleep or she would text me first thing as she woke up just to say good morning.

 

She told me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship with anybody at the time because she didn’t feel she was ready mentally, this was something she brought up, I never pressured her or even told her how I was getting feelings for her. But one day, she invites me to her house, we watch a movie and have a couple of drinks, before I know it, we are making out in front of the tv, and do everything but actually have sex. I sleep over, and we cuddle as we fall asleep. At this point I feel pretty good about how things are going between us, but the next day at the gym when I see her she is crying, and apparently she was crying about her ex boyfriend and how she feels that she misses him and what we did the night before was wrong, because she felt as though she was cheating on him.

 

So again I try to comfort her, and give my thoughts on how to help her get over someone. She leaves the gym early and I leave shortly after, obviously I was a bit confused but I gave her space. Days go by, we still text each other as usual, and on this weekend she again calls me to hang out. The same thing happens again on this night, but the following day she didn’t become as distant as she did the week before. She sends me text messages saying ‘I have to tell you last night was nice, I enjoyed the time we spent together’

 

A few days later she calls and we talk for a while, and then she randomly says ‘oh we can’t have sleep over’s anymore’ at first I thought she was joking but her reasoning was on point I guess, she didn’t want to set bad example for her siblings who also stay at the house but weren’t there when we were together. But in that same conversation she states that she is glad that we haven’t had sex yet because she values what we have. She likes the conversations that we have and she doesn’t want to lose it if we don’t work out. At this point I have to tell her that I have feelings for her, it takes me a while to do so, but I finally get it out. She responded with ‘I’m flattered that you think of me that way, but I’m not ready for a relationship right now’. She asks why I like her so much and I tell her some of the unique things in her I find interesting. Now the weird part is, after I told her how I felt about her, I could hear a change in her voice, I can’t explain what it was but it felt as though there was genuine interest that she wanted to start something serious, not only that but she ended the conversation on the phone basically flirting with me. I let I go because she is sending me mixed signals. The following day I try to distance myself from her and not text her as much, I can’t invest that much time into someone if they don’t feel the same about me. So I was going to try to just be friends.

 

Sooo, on Halloween, 10/31/12 she dresses up as Pocahontas the entire day (for work and at school) she wanted me to see her costume so we met up at the gym early. My plan on this day was to tell her that I can’t continue to talk to her as often as we do because of my strong feelings for her, I was going to tell her I need to distance myself from you a bit because it’s just going to hurt me too much in the long run. So we go into the back room of the gym where the stationary bikes are at, it’s basically just me and her, she could tell something was wrong with me so she asked “what’s wrong?” I said, “You know….I’ve just been thinking about me and you.” She comes over to my bike, hops on the handle bars and she kisses me on the lips several times. We chat a bit, I leave the gym early and she walks me out to my car. Everything is going good, I feel as though she wants to move forward for the first time. We kiss and we hold each other next to my car before I say good bye to her. I don’t talk to her until the next day.

 

This is the confusing part, This entire day she is texting me messages like “I couldn’t stop thinking about you last night” “I couldn’t stop thinking about you and me” But when I go to see her at the gym she is distant again, like she doesn’t want to be together… She tells me she wants to be friends, but she also states that she is gaining feelings for me, but it's not right because she planned on staying single and working on herself. At this point I’m fed up as my emotions have been up and down for the past few weeks and it was affecting my appetite. I try and ask her how she feels about us but she is really hesitant and can’t even keep eye contact. I tell her how I feel, I never pressured her into anything, I simply told her how I felt and left it at that. So we pack our stuff up and get ready to go home. But I remember that I have to tell her one more thing, I call her over to tell what I had to say, and that is when I notice she was crying. She was holding back her tears until the minute she walked away. But I couldn't feel sympathetic; I had to get my feelings across. So I told her I couldn't continue to talk to her as much as we do now, I will never be able to rid my feelings for you if we are constantly talking to each other every day, every few hours. We drive off, I send her a text message I wrote the day before, just to let her know how I was truly feeling.

 

 

I knew someday soon this would happen. I told myself from the start not to gain feelings for you romantically. But it turned out to be something I couldn't do. I knew getting feelings with you would be complicated because I understand how hard it is to get out of a relationship. I like you, and I like talking to you, but I don't think I can continue talking to you as much as I do now. I would be fooling myself. It's too hard for me to "just be friends" when I want us to be more than that. It's already affected me how things are now because I'm constantly wondering of maybe even waiting for that day to happen. But imagine continuously wondering for months on end, that's something I can't do. I can't hold on to hope wondering only one day to find out that you are dating someone else. So I guess I'm saying i need time. No I don't hate you, I'm actually infatuated with you. I understand If you don't want to speak again but these aren't my intentions. I just want time to help remove my feelings for you because I can't if we're always talking. I hope we really can just be friends because you are a really good person.

 

 

We haven't talked in 4 days now, I am constantly thinking of her, but i left the ball in her court. As much as i want to text her, just cant.

 

Should i feel guilty for sending her that letter?

 

Did she have feelings for me?

 

What would you do in a situation like this?

 

Should I contact her again??

 

And the question that is bugging me most at this point is, do you think she will attempt to contact me?

Edited November 5, 2012 by justinxm3

[puzzled1]

It just seems like she is trying to bring in baggage from her last relationship.

[River Rain]

I'm sorry you got hurt, but it really sounds like you were a rebound.