Tree_Salmon Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I never thought I'd be one to feel this way but I can't seem to stop comparing every girl i meet to my ex during our honeymoon phase. I know its a bit self destructive, but I haven't been able to commit to any girls lately because I don't feel that same intense "spark" i had so long ago with my ex. In some ways i guess its a good thing because i wont "settle for less" but I'm starting to think there really is something broken about me now. I no longer feel that it's possible to find those qualities in someone. I'm hoping that another six months will change this because ive been meeting some great women but I seem to be retreating to my recluse phase. I enjoy my own time more than anything else. In fact, I get pretty defensive of it. Anyone else feel this way? Did it improve? Mind you this was a 6 year thing and I thought i'd never need to be with anyone else again. I'm successful, I have a higher than average self esteem and confidence, I take great care of all other aspects of my life but I just don't feel anything for anyone. Sometimes I feel like I should be feeling something.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I think it's relatively normal. Eventually you'll do it less and less or, better yet, find someone who kicks the s--t out of your ex in the comparison game.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 I think it's relatively normal. Eventually you'll do it less and less or, better yet, find someone who kicks the s--t out of your ex in the comparison game. The problem is, when she was the sh*t, she really was the sh*t. So now that shes just sh*t, it feels weird because I'm comparing them to the old her. I really hope there's women that cool out there but i tend to be skeptical. Cynical too.
mishy Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I never thought I'd be one to feel this way but I can't seem to stop comparing every girl i meet to my ex during our honeymoon phase. I know its a bit self destructive, but I haven't been able to commit to any girls lately because I don't feel that same intense "spark" i had so long ago with my ex. In some ways i guess its a good thing because i wont "settle for less" but I'm starting to think there really is something broken about me now. I no longer feel that it's possible to find those qualities in someone. I'm hoping that another six months will change this because ive been meeting some great women but I seem to be retreating to my recluse phase. I enjoy my own time more than anything else. In fact, I get pretty defensive of it. Anyone else feel this way? Did it improve? Mind you this was a 6 year thing and I thought i'd never need to be with anyone else again. I'm successful, I have a higher than average self esteem and confidence, I take great care of all other aspects of my life but I just don't feel anything for anyone. Sometimes I feel like I should be feeling something. it seems really clear to me that you need to be single for a lot longer, you havent recovered.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Part of you is still in need of healing. I don't think you're being self-destructive, you just haven't found someone yet who will bring that spark back to your life. There is never a time frame when it comes to getting over someone...but you're doing well, and meeting new women. One day you'll stop comparing and you'll feel that spark, you have to have hope in that. 1
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Part of you is still in need of healing. I don't think you're being self-destructive, you just haven't found someone yet who will bring that spark back to your life. There is never a time frame when it comes to getting over someone...but you're doing well, and meeting new women. One day you'll stop comparing and you'll feel that spark, you have to have hope in that. I try but its difficult. Sometimes i frightens me how much I care about what we had. I'm trying hard to rid myself of it.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I try but its difficult. Sometimes i frightens me how much I care about what we had. I'm trying hard to rid myself of it. Maybe don't try so hard. Sometimes in trying extremely hard to get over something it becomes anchored in your mind because you are thinking so much about it instead of naturally processing the thoughts and coming to terms with them. When thoughts of the ex come, don't get mad at yourself and try to punt them, just deal with them and go from there. I don't know how long it's been since you broke, but six years is hard to dump quickly.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I try but its difficult. Sometimes i frightens me how much I care about what we had. I'm trying hard to rid myself of it. It is difficult, and it's part of life, we can't control how our relationships will go. We just have to somehow find a way to move on and realize that life is too short to keep holding on to what we can't have. Focus on what wonderful things a new love can bring to your life, new compatibility, new possibilities, it's exciting! You have to change your inner voice sometimes. When you think about what you had, you have to verbally assault that with a new thought about what you will have with a new girl. I can't imagine it's easy, after 6 years together.
Author Tree_Salmon Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Maybe don't try so hard. Sometimes in trying extremely hard to get over something it becomes anchored in your mind because you are thinking so much about it instead of naturally processing the thoughts and coming to terms with them. When thoughts of the ex come, don't get mad at yourself and try to punt them, just deal with them and go from there. I don't know how long it's been since you broke, but six years is hard to dump quickly. I dumped her in January but she lingered about until 2 months ago, basically. So it's still strangely fresh. But I doubt we will ever see eachother again so this is my second month of NC. I almost expect it to repeat itself but shes been with this rebound now since March. 7 months seems to be a while. I doubt I will have to deal with her again.
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