Imajerk17 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 (edited) I have had a FWB for the past few months, a couple times a month. I told her I wanted it casual and she agreed. I'm not sure how compatible we are for a relationship. Lately a few things have changed... (1) I have been meeting other girls and getting physical with them. This has been fun, but it is starting to make my head spin. (2) After getting to know her, I think my FWB is an awesome person and I really care for her, as a friend. But I'm not feeling the reptilian attraction and I'm not sure if we are compatible for a serious relationship. I really want the "friends" but I don't want the benefits. I told my FWB last night that I do want to hang out with her but I want to take a break from sleeping with her. I am now feeling guilty about this, since I got physical with her very quickly when we met. I don't want to be a source of confusion in anyone's life. Any thoughts? Edited November 4, 2012 by Imajerk17
Mrlonelyone Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 So you really genuinely feel she would be a good friend but you dont feel the attraction. Wait a while then tell her about your new love interest. A real friend will be happy for your happiness, even if they are a little heartsore at hearing it.
crackerjacker Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 (edited) So you really genuinely feel she would be a good friend but you dont feel the attraction. Wait a while then tell her about your new love interest. A real friend will be happy for your happiness, even if they are a little heartsore at hearing it. Do what you said you were gonna do and that is to tell her exactly what you've told us. Be honest and don't play cruel games. This is a human being we're dealing with here. Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed comment directed at poster
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 (1) I have been meeting other girls and getting physical with them. This has been fun, but it is starting to make my head spin. If it's making your head spin, sounds like you're not cut out for having multiple sex partners at once. A lot of people aren't. I told my FWB last night that I do want to hang out with her but I want to take a break from sleeping with her. I am now feeling guilty about this, since I got physical with her very quickly when we met. How did she react? Are you assuming she wants more with you, when in fact she might have been happy with the situation as it was? Did you mislead her about your intentions? If not, you have nothing to feel guilty about. A smart woman once told me that guilt is a sign that you're trying to take care of someone else, rather than yourself. You take care of you. Let her take care of herself. If you're honest all along, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Author Imajerk17 Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 If it's making your head spin, sounds like you're not cut out for having multiple sex partners at once. A lot of people aren't. How did she react? Are you assuming she wants more with you, when in fact she might have been happy with the situation as it was? Did you mislead her about your intentions? If not, you have nothing to feel guilty about. A smart woman once told me that guilt is a sign that you're trying to take care of someone else, rather than yourself. You take care of you. Let her take care of herself. If you're honest all along, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Thanks Ruby Slippers. I do try to take care of other people too much. I've done a lot of work on my boundaries but I still have a lot more work to do. I was always straightforward with her that I wasn't looking for anything serious. I like her enough as a person to keep hanging out with her. She seemed to take it well. We are going to hang out this week.
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I am just curious because this is probably a guy thing: How can you want to be intimate with someone so quickly after meeting, yet not feeling sexual attraction? It's confusing. Is it the way she looks?
Mrlonelyone Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 (edited) Do what you said you were gonna do and that is to tell her exactly what you've told us. Be honest and don't play cruel games. This is a human being we're dealing with here. He said he had already been honest with his FWB. "I told my FWB last night that I do want to hang out with her but I want to take a break from sleeping with her." Thus they are not just friends ... no benefits. FWB's means no real break up. Edited November 5, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed reference to deleted post
kaylan Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I am just curious because this is probably a guy thing: How can you want to be intimate with someone so quickly after meeting, yet not feeling sexual attraction? It's confusing. Is it the way she looks? Theres attraction, but not an insane passionate lust and spark. Ive had this happen. The person does it for you, but not enough where you could see things lasting long term. I relate to the OP, however I wouldnt have gotten physical with 2 women at a time. Id have cut one off first while being honest about why I did. (Im not feeling the spark, and Im interested in pursuing others)
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Theres attraction, but not an insane passionate lust and spark. Ive had this happen. The person does it for you, but not enough where you could see things lasting long term. I relate to the OP, however I wouldnt have gotten physical with 2 women at a time. Id have cut one off first while being honest about why I did. (Im not feeling the spark, and Im interested in pursuing others) Is it about the way they look or some other intangible quality? Is the sex simply mediocre?
kaylan Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Is it about the way they look or some other intangible quality? Is the sex simply mediocre? Its not looks really. Although looks to factor into overall sexual attraction. And I wouldnt say its mediocre sex, because for me at least, great sex is preceded by a great spark and chemistry. For me, its really just about how you relate in all facets of the relationship. Like with my ex, our intellectual click translated into us being able to emotionally open up to one another. And because we were already initially physically attracted to one another, we had all the right pieces for great chemistry. If Im missing the intellectual and emotional spark, doesnt matter if the girl is hot like Megan Fox, and it doesnt matter if we do have good sex...I wont want to date her without the other elements. I need to be able to know we are compatible long term...and apart of that compatibility is complete passion. And for me at least, complete passion isnt solely physical. Ive had sex with girls who were physically cuter or had as good of bodies as my ex. But the way my ex and I related was what made me know I wanted to date her as soon as I met her. 1
Author Imajerk17 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 I have a tendency to gain and lose sexual attraction quickly, while feeling loyal. Maybe its an Italian thing. We tend to be, as an ethnic group, emotional and loyal.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Thanks Ruby Slippers. I do try to take care of other people too much. I've done a lot of work on my boundaries but I still have a lot more work to do. I was always straightforward with her that I wasn't looking for anything serious. I like her enough as a person to keep hanging out with her. She seemed to take it well. We are going to hang out this week. That's good. If you've always been straightforward with her, she participated knowing it was most likely going to be temporary. As long as you continue to be honest and kind, I think everything will be fine.
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