He Slept With Another Girl Whilst We Were Broken Up, Now We Are Back Together.

[sunbeam]

Me and boyfriend broke up up 2 months ago, it was final with no hope of getting back together, we had no contact during this period. Before we got back together he told me he got drunk one night a month after we broke up, and in a bid to forget me/quell the pain he had sex with a friend who has liked him for a while. He told her he has no feelings for her and he loves me. I have let it go and we are back together, of course I am human and it stings that he has slept with another girl.

 

just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar? Do you think I am being a doormat by letting this one go?

[NordicStripes]

I've had the same thing happening to me.

We broke up, he started sleeping with someone else after a couple of days and then after two weeks of that he decided he wanted me back. He immediately broke things off with her and told her she had meant nothing to him.

This was all almost 1,5 years ago.

 

We're still having a really rough time. He has become a much much better man to me. He is now caring and sweet. But I just can't get ever the fact that he almost rolled out of bed with me and into hers. It stings. We have th emost dysfunctional sexlife ever (4x in the last 1,5 years).

 

I do love him, and that's why I stay. I hope that one day it won't hurt anymore. But if I had known it would still hurt this much after all that time... I don't know if I'd take him back again.

 

I guess it all depends on how much you want things to work out with him.

[lemonlime]

NordicStripes, if your serious about trying to make your relationship work, at this point you need to seriously consider some therapy. You need to evaluate and see if deep down you even are able to really be in that relationship.

[sunbeam]

NordicStripes....If I was still hurting over it after such a long time I'd probably have to say enough is enough.

 

You need to leave the past in the past, he's with you now and has been for a long time and that's all what matters! Sex doesn't equate love, you have his heart .

[ffw]

OP, breakup in other words is called separation. The person is no longer in the relationship. Each then has their own right to do whatever they want to do. That's why it's called Separation.

 

Bottom line, you are not being doormat. I know it's going to hurt a bit but hopefully with time you can overcome it. GL.

[sunbeam]

thank you ffw, I needed to hear that

[AlexDP]

Rachel,

 

you were on a break! You love Ross. You always have and you know that. You guys are meant for each other. Don't go to Paris, just stay in New York and have his children.

[ForeverlovingRami]

Well my ex jumped into bed 1 week after we broke up pretending he was a good friend from the past, yeeeah RIGHT!

 

I mean, if you really love someone (like I loved her) you don't just jump into bed with someone else. Despite if ure drunk or not, you just don't do it.

 

Why? Couse thoose feelings of intimicy can't ***ken manifest that fast, it's just unnatrual. Don't get me wrong, I'm a horney fella but that's not just right. Or It doesn't seem right in my eyes!

 

Atleast that's what I think!

 

So I diden't suck up to it, hell no turning the tide here. She'll come begging for me sooner or later I know that but then it will be too late! /flex

[runnergirl_8]

sunbeam:

I am going through the same thing with my bf right now. It's nice to know that there are other people in the same situation. I've come to the conclusion that the only remedy for the situation is time. If this guy really is the one, eventually this will be a distant memory Someone else posted on my other thread that a way to help could be to imagine if you had slept with someone else while you were apart what you would say to him to make him feel better... how it meant nothing etc. etc. It's been about 2 months since I got back together with mine and while we were together 2 times, it felt weird to me and I told him I needed more time before I could be comfortable with him in that sense again. He has been supportive thus far and we are really getting back to just enjoying eachother's company. I hope things work out for you!

[sunbeam]

Hey runnergirl_8, well it's been around 2 months and it's still hard at times, but it doesn't hurt as much as it used to. I find my brain loves to plant images in my mind at the worst time (if you know what I mean), but hopefully they will fade. I know there was no emotional connection between them and he did want me.

 

But it's actually really nice to hear you're going through it too ( well it's not nice you have to go through it, but nice to feel less alone!) and if you ever need to chat/rant, feel free to message me It would be nice to talk it through with someone!

[A fish in the sea]

Do you worry about the women he slept with before you dated the first time? If not, think of this as the same sort of thing. She's just a woman he slept with before he chose you.

 

I'm going through this with an ex who might re-enter the picture. He told me he was seeing someone earlier this fall, which bothers me. However, I realized that I won. They broke things off and he's showing me that he's very interested in me.

 

You can obsess over it and have it make you miserable - or you can choose to view her just as someone he slept with before this new relationship he's starting with you.

 

Your old relationship with him was broken and didn't work. Don't you deserve to go into this one excited about starting a new relationship with him? Don't let something from before you were together affect what you're creating now.

 

Thats the attitude I'm choosing to take and it's preventing a lot of grief. Besides... Why should I despair? I won... He chose me over her.

[supermanthatho]

Me and boyfriend broke up up 2 months ago, it was final with no hope of getting back together, we had no contact during this period. Before we got back together he told me he got drunk one night a month after we broke up, and in a bid to forget me/quell the pain he had sex with a friend who has liked him for a while. He told her he has no feelings for her and he loves me. I have let it go and we are back together, of course I am human and it stings that he has slept with another girl.

 

just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar? Do you think I am being a doormat by letting this one go?

 

 

I'm going through something similar but I'm the guy in this scenario, however not the getting back together part, and i can honestly tell you I regret it and I dont know why i did what i did. This is my thread if you would like to read it:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/363539-im-feeling-really-horrible-even-though-i-shouldnt-all

 

To me the other girl does not matter to me at all and I have no feelings for her. If your man is anything like me then this girl and this incident shouldnt worry you because I dont want this other girl and it was a mistake. I dont ever want to sleep with her or anyone else. I only want my ex and thats it!

[sunbeam]

I've just read your thread and the guilt you feel is like how my boyfriend feels, and when I asked him why he felt so guilty was because he still loved me and wanted me. It's one of those things which is going to take time to heal. Even though ignorance is bliss, knowing he had the courage to tell me something as major as that speaks a lot on his part. I really hope you get her back! you seem sincerely sorry

[roxie74]

A fish in the sea:

Im going through the same thing, and your message helped me out!

Only difference with mine is he says he hasn't slept with the one girl he has kissed. Just still hard to know whats true or not.

[vavavoom]

A lot of good advice in this community. I am going through the same thing. We were broken up for 6 months and just got back together around thanksgiving. I asked him before we reunited if he was with anyone and he indirectly said no and changed the subject. A month into our 2nd go (about 1.5 weeks ago), I find out from him that he did have sex with a girl while he was on vacation in Europe. I was pissed, both because he did it and second b/c he sort of lied to me when I had asked the first time.

 

I want this relationship to work and I know I am a bit jealous so I have been trying to rationalize it as we were not together at the time so he was free to do as he pleased and I shouldn't hold it against him. Regardless if he did it to help forget and move on from me, It still hurts. And I'm sure it's the same for you. Time my sweets, is all we have to see if we can move on from this and not carry resentment towards them. If they treat us right now then try your best to leave it in the past. <3

[newmomma11613]

The reason why I am posting on here is because its only been 4 days he hasn't come home and he is attempting to have sex with multiple women and wont respond to me. I can see it on my ex fiance facebook. Desperately need help. Please read all of it. Just to let you guys know ahead of time. I'm due January 16 2013. And everyone is saying he will be back but the fight was that horrible and extreme I am so scared and just a wreak...here it goes...Basically my ex fiance and I got into a huge fight.before I start I'll give you some details about him. He is a good guy. Although it did take a while to get us to the point where he goes to work comes straight home. Any friends he hangs out with come to our house. I am on bed rest due to the baby's weight being low. Nothing else wrong perfectly health just the weight. And he doesn't message females on his Facebook at all. He did in the past and completely stopped. We have a house together dogs this is our 1st baby a little boy and we are both 22. He is the only one in his family that is successful. And graduated high school and can hold down a job. The rest of his cousins and family don't want to anything with himself. His mother treats him different because of that. She doesn't wwork either and his father rather take care of other people and is in and out of jail. My ex is good. No criminal record or anything and is a good guy. The argument was about a female who had dated his cousin in the past. Who also had sex with his cousin's best friend. They hung out one day and insisted to tell my man what she does in the bedroom in detail. So naturally I didn't want him around her because she obviously is a female with no morals. Women who are strictly friend with no ulterior motives do not do that. Back to the point so a couple months ago she called my house late at night twice looking for my man. And the next day called at 8 am while we were sleeping. So of course being pregnant and pissed off because I know this isn't normal friend behavior told him off. She didnt call for two months up until 4 days ago when I was at a doctors appointment. Then next day my ex stated he was going over there to get his hair done, he has long hair so he keeps it braided. I asked why couldn't she just come to our house to do it. His excuse was because she just had a baby 2 ,months ago so the baby may be allergic to our dogs, I said thats understandable. Then I asked well let me go there with you then to see for myself that she is just a friend. He made an excuse saying she may not be comfortable with me at her house. I got really upset because then he told me he invited her to our baby shower which is the very next day from this arguement. I yelled and said she isnt coming i dont kmoe her and she doesnt have anything to do with our child just close friends and family. So we began to argue about him not going over there to get his hair done so bad that it turned basically physical. After that he left after our physical altercation. And left. He hasn't come home since that day. I apologized because he told me to drop the fight that day and I didn't because I was so upset and full of hormones. So yes it is my fault it went that far but he definitely crossed the line putting his hands on me which he never ever did before. So I messaged him on face book for the past 2 days after that. And saw that he has read my messages and still isn't responding. But I have access to his face book and is seeing that since the break up he started messaging a ridiculously amount of women. I believe he is doing it on purpose because he knows I can see him doing it. He even went so far to message women he had cut off who purposely tried to ruin our relationship. Which was today. Which is why I deleted him from being a friend on my page. Its too hurtful. I wanted to try to NC rule but I don't know how considering we are having a baby in 3 weeks. I told myself If he doesn't come back before I'm in labor its over for good and he will have no parts of me or the baby. But if he does I definitely want him to delete his Facebook and he has to get std tested because of him hanging with all these women. And do right by us. I don't even know what to day in either scenario. First is if hr comes back, second is if he doesn't come back, and third is if he tries to come back after our baby is born....I love this man I desperately need guidelines on how to do this from both men and women stand point. I do Want him back. Please help me.

[Game]

The reason why I am posting on here is because its only been 4 days he hasn't come home and he is attempting to have sex with multiple women and wont respond to me. I can see it on my ex fiance facebook. Desperately need help. Please read all of it. Just to let you guys know ahead of time. I'm due January 16 2013. And everyone is saying he will be back but the fight was that horrible and extreme I am so scared and just a wreak...here it goes...Basically my ex fiance and I got into a huge fight.before I start I'll give you some details about him. He is a good guy. Although it did take a while to get us to the point where he goes to work comes straight home. Any friends he hangs out with come to our house. I am on bed rest due to the baby's weight being low. Nothing else wrong perfectly health just the weight. And he doesn't message females on his Facebook at all. He did in the past and completely stopped. We have a house together dogs this is our 1st baby a little boy and we are both 22. He is the only one in his family that is successful. And graduated high school and can hold down a job. The rest of his cousins and family don't want to anything with himself. His mother treats him different because of that. She doesn't wwork either and his father rather take care of other people and is in and out of jail. My ex is good. No criminal record or anything and is a good guy. The argument was about a female who had dated his cousin in the past. Who also had sex with his cousin's best friend. They hung out one day and insisted to tell my man what she does in the bedroom in detail. So naturally I didn't want him around her because she obviously is a female with no morals. Women who are strictly friend with no ulterior motives do not do that. Back to the point so a couple months ago she called my house late at night twice looking for my man. And the next day called at 8 am while we were sleeping. So of course being pregnant and pissed off because I know this isn't normal friend behavior told him off. She didnt call for two months up until 4 days ago when I was at a doctors appointment. Then next day my ex stated he was going over there to get his hair done, he has long hair so he keeps it braided. I asked why couldn't she just come to our house to do it. His excuse was because she just had a baby 2 ,months ago so the baby may be allergic to our dogs, I said thats understandable. Then I asked well let me go there with you then to see for myself that she is just a friend. He made an excuse saying she may not be comfortable with me at her house. I got really upset because then he told me he invited her to our baby shower which is the very next day from this arguement. I yelled and said she isnt coming i dont kmoe her and she doesnt have anything to do with our child just close friends and family. So we began to argue about him not going over there to get his hair done so bad that it turned basically physical. After that he left after our physical altercation. And left. He hasn't come home since that day. I apologized because he told me to drop the fight that day and I didn't because I was so upset and full of hormones. So yes it is my fault it went that far but he definitely crossed the line putting his hands on me which he never ever did before. So I messaged him on face book for the past 2 days after that. And saw that he has read my messages and still isn't responding. But I have access to his face book and is seeing that since the break up he started messaging a ridiculously amount of women. I believe he is doing it on purpose because he knows I can see him doing it. He even went so far to message women he had cut off who purposely tried to ruin our relationship. Which was today. Which is why I deleted him from being a friend on my page. Its too hurtful. I wanted to try to NC rule but I don't know how considering we are having a baby in 3 weeks. I told myself If he doesn't come back before I'm in labor its over for good and he will have no parts of me or the baby. But if he does I definitely want him to delete his Facebook and he has to get std tested because of him hanging with all these women. And do right by us. I don't even know what to day in either scenario. First is if hr comes back, second is if he doesn't come back, and third is if he tries to come back after our baby is born....I love this man I desperately need guidelines on how to do this from both men and women stand point. I do Want him back. Please help me.

 

Damn girl!! Paragraphs yo..**** gives me a headache just looking at it..I'd say take his ass to jerry springer

[sunbeam]

Just wondering how the others in a similar situation are doing?