NGC1300 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Yes, it's shallow, but looks are very important in my mind, and even worse is that I'm picky and only attracted to certain characteristics. Can't help it. My ex was deceptive and obviously not the person for me. But the fact remains is that she was beautiful and I feel like I'm going to be comparing every other girl to her physically, and that I'm always going to be falling short and feeling like no other girl will measure up to her. I know this is unhealthy. Anyone else ever deal with this? 2
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Looks are important to me too. We all have our own version of what is beautiful/handsome, so it's not at all shallow. You have to be attracted to a person physically as well as mentally/emotionally/intellectually etc... Not shallow I think that you won't be able to help comparing other women to your ex, but once you meet someone who you start to have feelings for, you probably won't compare anymore. 1
Exit Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Looks are important to everyone, but it is unhealthy if you get to the point where you value looks more than any other qualities. I've been guilty of that many times. I've been with some really worthless, mean people just because they made me want to jump in bed with them. I've been single for a year now and I feel like I'm finally starting to mature in regards to that. Looks are important but it has relatively little to do with what type of person you are, aside from how you eat and if you take care of your body. I'm sick of drooling over women who have done nothing but luck out and be born with the right mix of genes. I need to appreciate people for what really matters. It's perfectly normal to need to feel an attraction. Just don't let it be the only thing on your list of what you're looking for.
Tree_Salmon Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Yes, it's shallow, but looks are very important in my mind, and even worse is that I'm picky and only attracted to certain characteristics. Can't help it. My ex was deceptive and obviously not the person for me. But the fact remains is that she was beautiful and I feel like I'm going to be comparing every other girl to her physically, and that I'm always going to be falling short and feeling like no other girl will measure up to her. I know this is unhealthy. Anyone else ever deal with this? I know how you feel and I believe it's completely normal to think this way. My ex was super hot and it will be hard to physically replace her but their looks will fade. I was more attracted to her personality and always liked the fact that she was really attractive also but it wasn't a deal breaker. I think once i thought to myself "well at least she's hot" is when i knew it was over. You'll find some new girl more attractive one day. I hope. Because I'm in the same boat right now.
Babazed Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I know how you feel, i'm going through it too, this woman is 44, she had a body that 14 year old girls were jealous of, everywhere we went, people were instantly attracted and drawn to her, she oozes sexuality like i have never seen, she makes Rihanna look like a next door slapper (of the same racial mix), the body of an amazonian goddess, a complete socialite, invites to at least 3 parties and events per week, i got sick of the attention she received after a while, as all it did is stoke jealousy in people towards me, i have been in some really nasty situations, soul destroying. I think the only way to get over it, is to remember the things that turned you off her, is easier for me as she an over controlling violent sociopath, but still tough
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I think it's a problem whenever one compares people to other people. If you can't appreciate, accept and love somebody for who they are, what they look like and what they bring to the relationship without comparing them to someone who's gone before, you probably aren't ready to be dating. 2
cloudatlas Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Augh, I feel you. My ex was - christ, he looked like a man, beard, great arms , etc, and he was huge ( ) and it's just. I look at everyone else wanting the same physical characteristics that I'm initially drawn too. Everyone just seems to fall short. I get where you're coming from completely. I don't consider it very shallow - if you know what you like, that's the body type that turns you on. Just, it is what it is. It'd be worse if you simply went after girls that weren't your type, even if you loved who they where, but - attraction, specifically sexual attraction is very important. Try not comparing people to your ex, but just - look for your type. Or just relax and worry about these things when she's a bit further from your mind.
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 Yes, it's shallow, but looks are very important in my mind, and even worse is that I'm picky and only attracted to certain characteristics. Can't help it. My ex was deceptive and obviously not the person for me. But the fact remains is that she was beautiful and I feel like I'm going to be comparing every other girl to her physically, and that I'm always going to be falling short and feeling like no other girl will measure up to her. I know this is unhealthy. Anyone else ever deal with this? As far as looks go I have had physically fit partners looks didnt matter because they have been different one thing i do go for is strength of character which has bitten me in the butt when alcohol was bought into the mix.I am attracted to grounded men,as far as looks go something attracts me in the first place cant pin point it....... when i first met my first love i was a bigger girl.......i was carrying extra weight, he was quiet calm funny tall and sweet, he was older than me he was working as a dj i was volunteer dj at a rival fm station after school we had music in common.....i was old school so was he.....because i was only fifteen my parents politely asked him to step down...he did and never told me my parents were the ones to end our relationship he blamed it on himself......respectful honorable guy....i only found that out last year my mum can hold a secret i had always thought it was because of my goofiness and shyness with my body.I look for depth in guys i go the deep end of the pool when i dive not the shallow....and i still make mistakes....i stand by what i believe i should look for........deb
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