kingofhearts Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Hello Everyone. Need some serious advice on this one….. So I'm dating a girl that is 19. Im 29. I know the deal, too young, blah blah blah. To be quite honest, she was suppose to be a one nighter, but I found out she had a daughter. I have 2 kids myself, so I gave the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe her priorities have changed since she has a child. She flirted while she was working at her job and thats how we met. A few days after our first date, she text me and asked me, would I ever marry her and I said well if I got to know you and liked where it was going then of coarse. Im not afraid of that at all. I'm 29 and would love a wife at this point. I asked wtf of coarse? Whats the rush? and she said thats what she wants and she "just knows" with me. Kinda creepy at first, but time went by, I've become more than happy with her. She's done everything right and for some reason she keeps me coming back. We've known each other for a lil over a month and have only had sex three times. She's been everything outside of the bedroom and I tried to pinpoint a flaw, and one day during texting her, she says that she's just not aroused like most girls. BINGO! The flaw. Everything was too right. lol. She can be rough around the edges at times and used to fight other girls a lot in the past. She watches Nakita, girls fighting on the internet, and female rap battles. She doesn't like to or be pushed to talk much about who she is and why she does things. She wants me to be patient with her and has said she would open up more. Well I got her to open up about the not liking sex thing. She said it just brings up bad memories, she's numb in that area, and she had heart enuff to say that other woman arouses her and does something for her. Of coarse I immediately tried to get to the bottom of it and asked why not be with the opposite sex. She said she still likes and prefer men. I been with bi-sexual women before who still preferred men and they CLEARLY preferred men. So what gives. She has mentioned that she thinks all men are the same and she has this deep grudge with her daughters father, due to not being there when his daughter was born, cheating etc. Yesterday, I've gotten her to open up about if she has ever enjoyed sex. The first and second time we had it, I was convinced….. She said she acted like she did… sigh…… wow. Now, with her son's father, she said the two years they were together, they had sex almost everyday and she enjoyed it for the most part. Sooooo wtf? I say with a smile on my face, so I'M left with this? She smiles back and was like I don't know, maybe Im burnt out on it cuz we did so much. She said she just shuts down and doesn't even like kissing during it. Just weird…. She has had some type of molestation/rape. She has yet to open up about this. Almost all of my exes have, but didn't mind talking about it at all. Here's the good. She's VERY affectionate. Hugging, Kissing, and loves to lay on me at night. She is easily swooned by me, I'm a charming guy with ladies and she claps to the dance of it. I noticed the sweeter I am to her, the more disarming. She has said that I've changed her view on guys so far and she is overall happy. She's great in a lot of other areas, it just gets frustrating when she closes me out at times. She's hot and cold, but everyday has gotten better and better. The Bad. Of coarse the sex and the communication. She rarely likes to talk or open up, sometimes as simple as what she did in the day or how she feels about something. She grew up kinda poor and met her father for the first time last year and fell out with him. I brought to her attention the other day that sex and communication are the biggest factors in a relationship and we have neither. She said sex isn't everything in a relationship and we won't work if thats how I feel and she can find a guy who doesn't care about it. I said, yeah……. its possible… nothing is impossible, but GOOD LUCK with that. I said at the very least we could have communication to get by on, but you shut that door too and explained to her that I'm interested in her loyalty overall. Its what all my ex's have been missing in the past. I know she will be less promiscuous due to her disinterest. I've only still stuck around because I like who she is and I think there is a very good potential wife on the inside of her. The girl is a sweetheart at the core, but has managed to bury it in this roughneck shell. A rose with thorns. We were suppose to go on a date yesterday and she got nervous and sincerely didn't want to go. Saying not yet. She has never been on one before and it made her really nervous. She got dressed for it and everything..... It was sweet, but wtf at the same time. iono..... What am I working with here, LS? Should I get out now or stay patient? I find it REALLY hard to believe she will always be that way about sex, because the girl is one of the most affectionate I've been with. It just doesn't break past that point into intimacy for her. She says that she's not even sure if she would always be like that. I would hate to gamble a few years and nothing changes. Im a nice looking guy and can be a pickup machine when I want to, so this is very frustrating, but if patience holds the key to a wonderful wife out of her then I'm in. Your thoughts?
veggirl Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 why are you with her? she is coo-coo for coco puffs, she has issues a mile deep and is doing nothing about that. she will just drag you down, you are wasting your time!! you're not going to fix this chick, she should be in therapy, ffs asking you if you'd marry her after your first date?! you wanna marry her and then never have sex again? good luck w/ that. 1
Author kingofhearts Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 why are you with her? she is coo-coo for coco puffs, she has issues a mile deep and is doing nothing about that. she will just drag you down, you are wasting your time!! you're not going to fix this chick, she should be in therapy, ffs asking you if you'd marry her after your first date?! you wanna marry her and then never have sex again? good luck w/ that. LMAO..... Im sorry. Im not at all stiff n ****. I have a hell of a sense of humor. I started cracking up at your first sentence. I honestly think she does have problems, but they are no different from most of my other ex's, she just have not found her own way of solving them. I don't think I will ever change it, but can and have helped so far. Everytime I pull away or get ready to throw my cards in, she makes progress instantly. She didn't ask me to marry her the next day tho. lol. She asked if I would, if possible. I think that was her way of filtering, if she was wasting her time or not, cuz she wants a husband.
Author kingofhearts Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Sounds to me like this girl is very immature. Not because she doesnt enjoy sex...but because of her actions and what shes said. Sounds like she wants to play house, but doesnt want to accept everything the real world brings with it. Thanks, Malibu. I've been constantly assessing this and I've come to that possible conclusion as well. These days, I don't have my head up these girls asses as much as I used to, so I assess it all from a logical standpoint and make a decision from there, but yea. I'm willing to invest a few months at best and to see what happens. Things have gotten better and better so far, soooooo....... I'm not sure.
CarrieT Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I gave the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe her priorities have changed since she has a child. Biggest mistake from the get-go. Having a baby does not make instant maturity. She is still a child and being forced to raise another child. She has YEARS of growing up to do and - as others have said - she is just looking for someone to play house with. She doesn't understand what it is like to be in a mature relationship yet. She can't. And she probably won't be able to for another decade or so. The fact that she had a baby so young will force her to grow up in some respects, but the ability to have an adult relationship takes time and I think you should run - and look for a woman your own age who has already gotten through those growing pains.
veggirl Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 so if everytime you have issues she "instantly gets better", why do you have issues again after that? she ACTS better/good to keep you and then reverts back to who she really is. and you know she wants a husband because she wants a "dad".... she's not ready to be a wife, that's for sure. I feel bad for her kid
Author kingofhearts Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 and you know she wants a husband because she wants a "dad".... Man........ This has crossed me too and in an effort of still caring and wanting to help, I have offered just being friends and being there for her on some real ****. She got pissed. lol. What should I do from here?
CarrieT Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 What should I do from here? Move on. Quickly.
FitChick Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Get out before she traps you with pregnancy to marry her. If you want to stay with her, get a vasectomy pronto.
clia Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I also think she sounds a little nutty, but consider this: You've only been dating a month. She may need more time to get comfortable around you as far as communication and sex. That she is flirty and physical with you is a good sign. However, at this point you two should be still in the honeymoon/butterflies/infatuation phase. Her lack of interest in sex with you should raise red flags. If that's how she is now at this stage, what do you think is going to happen later? 1
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