Farside Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Hello everyone. First of all I just want to say thanks in advance. My story: I had been dating my BF for 15 years. We were high school sweethearts. About 6 years ago he met someone else and dumped me. A month after this he came back. It took about 3 months for us to finally get our relationship back on track. A week after he came back into my life he got his 2nd DUI. He lost his license for 3 years. Since we were back together I drove his junky butt around the whole time. My family and friends advised against it, said he would never learn his lesson. They were probably right. Anyway, the two of us moved in together after this reconciliation and everything was going well. 4 years later he cheated on me again! This time I caught him on a date with someone. I moved out of the house. While I was out of the house he begged for forgiveness and we talked here and there. I ultimately took him back. He sad the reason for his cheating was that I couldn't commit to marriage and children. So I thought about it and decided that was something I would like in life. Everything was moving forward and well until this past summer. I was having a hard time at work, taking work stress home with me and getting mad at him. I was also frustrated because he loves to party. We are both 31 and I kind of feel that him hanging out with his buddies over me and not coming home on a Friday or Saturday night because he is too wasted is ridiculous! Anyway we went through a rough patch. Also during this rough patch his little sister had her first child. I feel like that might have triggered something in him. Because shortly after she had her baby we had a "talk". He felt that we wanted different things out of life and he said he didn't want to keep going back and forth with our relationship being good and then bad and so on. He asked for a break. I temporarily moved out and gave him his space. I explained to him again I loved him and wanted to be married and have children with him (this has been a long standing issue for us) he said he loved me and there was hope of everything working out. We emailed everyday and had nice chit chat. I thought things were improving. Well 2 weeks ago he broke up with me. It came out of the blue. He said he that we grew apart and he cared about me, but was no longer in love with me. And he asked me to move out of the place we shared for the last 6 years. I moved out. He tried contacting me a few times about how to pay the bills and small stuff I left at the house and even asked if I possibly took his gym underwear and socks by accident! Anyway I did not respond to any of it. He even tried using pet names like dear and babe a few times. And he would say things like I know you arent talking to me but... So the last text I got from him was one week ago. I'm said and devestated. I was with him for half my life, we grew up together and poof it's gone. When he dumped me he said he needed to be on his own and live his life and figure things out. So that's what I did. I figured the last few times we were apart, I was still always there. This time, if he wants to be alone I am going to disappear. I did get a text last week from his cousin saying she was thinking of me. My understanding is, it took him 2 weeks to tell his family we broke up and I think he was forced into by extenuating circumstances none of which were from me. So here I am in NC. My bday is next Friday. I wonder if he will text. If he does I am going to reply with a thanks. My mom keeps reminding me everything happens for a reason, I just don't know the reason yet. So each day I try to repeat that to myself. And when I get upset I repeat that to myself. I try not to think about what he is doing (chances are getting wasted and sleeping on friends couch) or the future. Because I don't know what tomorrow will bring. So I wake up thinking maybe today I will figure this out and something will be resolved, but if not today, maybe tomorrow.
ImYours Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I am so sorry....that is half your life. :-( I feel your pain. If you would like to talk let me know. I'm a girl not being creepy just know it helps to vent.
Author Farside Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Thanks so much. It's really tough because I ultimately would want us to get back together, but so much has got to change in our relationship for that to happen. Status quo would never work. But at this point its irrelevant since we are through. My brother tells me to heal and move forward like its over forever. If something changes, great. If not, at least I'm healing.
21flames Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 This Douch dosen't deserve you one little bit!! He has proved without doubt he can't be trusted and carries on cheating on you. It sounds like you give give give, he takes takes takes, hurts you and makes you feel like sh*t! Do you always want to be stuck in the vicious circle? You are worth a lot more, I know it will be very very hard but you need to do it for yourself, your happiness and future. Do you really want a child with someone who cheats on you and is always wasted and won't be there to support you and the kid??? Listen to your family and very close friends, I didn't and regret it a lot! A families love is unconditional, they will be there for you, help and support you. Set yourself free! 1
sissy106 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 You have been holding on for very long dear. It shows that you got high level of patience in you. But it isn't right for you. You need to move on as 21flames said, and that jerk realy dont deserve to be with u. You have done enough, 15 years is a too long journey, I can feel how painful it is, to sacrifice all ur things for jerk like him and in the end getting no reason from his side to leave you. But from my experience of 6 years with a similar jerk, I am telling you that you need to be strong and take a step forward. I thought that I cant be with a better person than my ex and I can never be happy, but I was wrong. Although in my relation I was the one putting all efforts, not only for relation but to get him settled in his carrier too, but in the end all I got was misery. He never trusted and respected me, although he loved me immensely, but that too I am not sure now. Coz my ex was a dependent kind of person, he was too much dependent on me, he used me all the time for his good sake and in the end when he got settled well he left me for nothing... I was not able to leave him even after BU coz I thought I will not getter anyone better than him, but I was wrong. Now I am with a person who is loving, caring and who have complete trust on me and respect me for what I am... and I am happy that he is my husband now. I never thought that somebody can take care of me this way too, and I did not know this thing coz I only had one relation in my life before marriage and that was my one and only ex. So, I never get the chance to know more wonderfull people around me. Same is the situation with u. U lingered on to a realtion since ur school time and u have already missed a lot. I would say to u.... Go out sweety, there are more deserving people to be with a wonderful person like you.
Author Farside Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Thank you so much for all of the replies. I didn't expect such support. And I especially didn't expect everyone to see his flaws. The problem is I still care for him, but it's only been 2 weeks and it's still pretty fresh. I can't imagine myself without him, so I try not to go there. Like I said I just try to remember that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for this, I just don't what it is yet. I am trying to take one day at a time.
Tree_Salmon Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Thank you so much for all of the replies. I didn't expect such support. And I especially didn't expect everyone to see his flaws. The problem is I still care for him, but it's only been 2 weeks and it's still pretty fresh. I can't imagine myself without him, so I try not to go there. Like I said I just try to remember that everything happens for a reason and there is a reason for this, I just don't what it is yet. I am trying to take one day at a time. It's nice to see girls who still ride it out. Sadly, these high school sweetheart deals never work because, i believe, people need to figure out who they are in that time and not worry about relationships. I think it's for the best that this is over and you are still young and can find someone who really loves you.
LostOne1 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 I never understand why people cheat on another when that person loves you and takes care of you and does special things for you... But I personally think if anyone can cheat.. then they are not worth it. I've been with my ex for 3 yrs and sure girls came by, but I couldn't imagine cheating and knowing I hurt someone I loved and would betray her. So i just don't get some guys that cheat and even girls. Why hurt someone that you love and loves you back. Unless that is you don't love them back, but still then why hurt the other person if they love you lots. I rather learn to love that person back, than to cheat and hurt that person that cares and loves me so much. I guess some people don't appreciate the value of love.
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