Author fanou22 Posted August 13, 2004 Author Posted August 13, 2004 Supermom, In the sexual sense I know he is not having any sexual relationship with his wife right now. I cannot anticipate how I would feel in the future once they do it again. Actually he tells his wife that he loves her but has sexual relationships with me..... He also says that he loves me but I now better than to believe that part. I know that he cares about me. I am not really sure I am explaining this very well. At times in the past it had bothered whenever I thought that he will be having sexual relationships with his wife. I have tried to understand him and what pushes him to seek such a relationship with me. I know I supplement whatever he is missing at home. He also supplements my life with what I want for now. I totally agree with you about not sharing the husband or in my case not sharing the MM. Unfortunately, in this case we are not given the option of sharing. They are making the decision for us. Ringo, I don't question him leaving because I know he will never do so. Does MM have a fantasy life with me? I am sure he does.........I was amazed to find out some things that I had imagined married people would do, they never do. As wives, let me ask you this. What would you do for your husband's birthday?
ringo Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 I was just curious is why I asked that question earlier. But honestly, I don't know of any man or woman trying to get in someone else's pants that is going to compliment and say great things about his/her spouse and marriage. Really - I wonder what kind of crap the feed the OM/OW and what kind of crap they feed they're spouses. Sounds like the person doing the cheating has the best of both worlds here... while the rest of us are walked on, chewed up and spit out.
kiababy Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Thats good, but I'm actually talking about the sexual aspect of it. Like when the MM cheats on his wife, he is having sexual relations with another, well what about you, or any other OW. He is telling you he loves you, but having sexual relations with another. Supermom, I don't dwell on the fact that he does indeed sleep with his wife. His biggest complaint from day one has been the lack of sex in their marriage. Yeah, you've heard it all before, but this woman asked him to consider having a penis reduction, which made him feel hurt and rejected. There is a serious dysfunction in their intimate llife because she complains that he causes her 'pain'. He confided in me that he tries to please her to get her relaxed and into the mood, but she's always anticipating the worst. However, their poor sex life DOES NOT MAKE HIM LOVE HER ANY LESS - his words. When I met him he had lots of women on the go and was actually going to bars at night and going home with a different woman every night. He wanted to be satisfied...but now realizes that he didn't just want sex - he needs to have a bond with someone too. We've always shared incredible intimacy from day one, but as we've gotten closer over the course of a year, the sex has become unbelieveable. He doesn't want to just be f****d, he wants to be wanted, which I found strange coming from such a hot guy...but it's a different kind of wanted. I realize it's unconditional acceptance.he craves. I've never had a man call me the day after to thank me for spending the time with him and relive every moment of the encounter. There is never any doubt in my mind that he is truly into ME when we're together, he calls me by my name - any woman who has been on the dating scene for a while and has had a partner or two......knows that most guys will call you 'baby', to avoid calling out the wrong name. So.....no, don't feel 'cheated on', I have a special place in his life, but he does not belong to me.
kiababy Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 Ringo, my MM for one, never says anything derogatory about his wife. Yes, he complains about their sex life but apart from that he is open about the fact that he loves her and she is a wonderful person.
ringo Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 or do you not love him (care for him enough) whatever you want to say here... to be jealous of his wife?
youcandealw/it Posted August 13, 2004 Posted August 13, 2004 i don't mean to butt in,lol. but there is a thing called divorce. that would fix the problem of m/m, o/w not to offend anyone that's just my opinion.
Author fanou22 Posted August 13, 2004 Author Posted August 13, 2004 Originally posted by ringo I was just curious is why I asked that question earlier. But honestly, I don't know of any man or woman trying to get in someone else's pants that is going to compliment and say great things about his/her spouse and marriage. Really - I wonder what kind of crap the feed the OM/OW and what kind of crap they feed they're spouses. Sounds like the person doing the cheating has the best of both worlds here... while the rest of us are walked on, chewed up and spit out. This is when I say that I understand my relationship with him. He does not feed me any crap. I know I am good looking. I can see the way men look at me and I can totally understand why he would be attracted to me on the physical level. On other levels, I am a challenging person to him which I don't think his wife is. I am not at the career level that he is at but I know I am getting there. I challenge him intellectually as well as in ways to prove to me the man that he is. MM never says anything bad about his marriage or his wife. Just like Kia said what lacks is the manly feeling that he needs to have. He is a very sexual person but he chose to settle for less. I have said previously and I will say it again, his wife could be the most amazing person but IMHO she is not his match. I am not gonna go into the details of what we talk about. Believe I would not be with him if he fed me any crap.
Destiny2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 I posted a thread on here on how to contact these OW to let them know to be tested. I didn't want to kick there butts... or lash out at them... I don't blame them... I blame my husband. I just wanted to make sure they are safe before they infect other innocent people. But because of my post and feelings of wanting to help these OW... thank you RINGO for pointing out that husbands are ALSO to blame. It is not only the OW. I am an OW and am trying to break it off, but unfortunately I'm in love with him now. Its very very hard and nobody will understand unless they are an OW themselves. I am extremely depressed and I just wish I never met him, because I would have never fell for him and never had these problems. But again, just a thanks for recognized that OW are people too and not just homewreckers!
1money3 Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 My husband cheated on me and left to be with the OW. I never blamed the OW. It wasn't her fault. He was the one married. He came home one night and asked me did I think we could work it out. I told him NO! So he is now what the OW and we are in the process of getting a divorce. We have a 6 yr old together. My daughter has met her and like her. I also have met her. However, he told her that I was crazy, lonely and can't get over him. HA! He also don't want us to talk to each other so he told me not to come anywhere near his apartment complex. I told him not to come near my house. Of course, he go mad. She seems like a nice person and as long as she treats my daughter right I am ok with her being around her. I just can't wait to my divorce is final and I can celebrate.
1Yoyo Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Originally posted by 1money3 My husband cheated on me and left to be with the OW. I never blamed the OW. It wasn't her fault. He was the one married. He came home one night and asked me did I think we could work it out. I told him NO! So he is now what the OW and we are in the process of getting a divorce. We have a 6 yr old together. My daughter has met her and like her. I also have met her. However, he told her that I was crazy, lonely and can't get over him. HA! He also don't want us to talk to each other so he told me not to come anywhere near his apartment complex. I told him not to come near my house. Of course, he go mad. She seems like a nice person and as long as she treats my daughter right I am ok with her being around her. I just can't wait to my divorce is final and I can celebrate. A rare reaction and or post here!! All the best to you and with your divorce. Good Luck! Yo
Destiny2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 1money3-My husband cheated on me and left to be with the OW. I never blamed the OW. It wasn't her fault. He was the one married. He came home one night and asked me did I think we could work it out. I told him NO! So he is now what the OW and we are in the process of getting a divorce. We have a 6 yr old together. My daughter has met her and like her. I also have met her. However, he told her that I was crazy, lonely and can't get over him. HA! He also don't want us to talk to each other so he told me not to come anywhere near his apartment complex. I told him not to come near my house. Of course, he go mad. She seems like a nice person and as long as she treats my daughter right I am ok with her being around her. I just can't wait to my divorce is final and I can celebrate. You may be upset, but think of it as, you are rid of that a**h***! And good that the OW is a nice person and a good women to be around your daughter. It should be your husband you don't want around your daughter! I hope the OW cheats on the husband and he gets in return what he did to you! Thank you for posting that and showing that OW are not bad people and posting that you were willing to meet her, and sounds like no drama occurred. As I said before, I am an OW, trying to break it off, but I fell for him. Its very very hurtful and I guess it just takes time to get over.
lioness Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 thank you RINGO for pointing out that husbands are ALSO to blame. It is not only the OW. I am an OW and am trying to break it off, but unfortunately I'm in love with him now. Its very very hard and nobody will understand unless they are an OW themselves. I am extremely depressed and I just wish I never met him, because I would have never fell for him and never had these problems. Destiny - I know exactly how you feel! It's been a month since my MM and I broke it off. I still have to see him 3-5 times a week at work. That's painful, and was absolute torture at first but I'm getting over it. Not to mention, he still calls me during the work week, on my cell phone (NOT the business phone). He actually called me 4 times last Weds... to apologize for something he'd said.... I'm changing jobs at the end of the week, but I will still see him at my new place of employment, possibly even more than I do now. The whole situation was so painful, such a rollercoaster of emotions... I don't think I'll ever do it again. And as time passes, I'm starting to resent him more and more, and to see him for what he really is - someone who is disrespecting his wife and family, and myself.
LookingforSunshine Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 Hi All, This is my first day of posting here and I also believe in marriage and want the best for everyone here, including myself. Which, by the way, I am NOT the OW, but I am involved as a MW with a DM and very unhappy about my circumstances. I have TOLD THE TRUTH and LIED to no one. This has caused great consequences and although I have prided myself on pure honesty, at times I simply shutter to think about how hard it must be for those in empty marriages who have struggled for years (I have for 14 unsuccessfully) and who have found connecting and love elsewhere. My situation began online and a deep connection started and still exists today. I filed for divorce, moved out many miles away, and tried to make a go of it, but my only child suffered. I then returned to try to clear my head and deal with her needs, as my soul mate had too many problems of his own to fully take on unfinished business. (child came with me but could not adjust) I am in limbo, and hating every minute of it. However, I am trying to enjoy the sunshine, see the flowers every day, and reach out more. So, this is why I am here. To reach out and be real instead of hiding out and remaining depressed everyday! Thanks for listening, Reeling
ICantStopLovinHim Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 WOW that is all i have to say I couldnt have said it better myself I love loving him plain and simple..I love the way he makes me feel, I love the way he talks to me touches me hugs me and listens to me............I love the way i am when i am with him. I hate that he isnt mine. I hate that I am only second best. I hate that i spend nights and holidays alone.....but no matter what I LOVE LOVING HIM AND HAVE TO ADMIT I JUST CANT STOP.
addie Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 wow. i am so glad i found this website. i have been struggling with feelings over the mm i spent the summer with. he was in my town for three months and he just left last week to go back to his wife. i haven't been able to talk to anyone about how i feel and after reading these posts, i feel like a wave of relief has passed over me. when i wipe away my tears, i plan on reading more posts. thank you for being here.
LookingforSunshine Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Dear Addie, I am here and brand new too. Email the thread or me privately anytime to connect and unload. I understand how hard life gets.
addie Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 thank you. i will. i have been looking around the posts for a couple days now and i am feeling a little better about my situation. of course it still isn't o.k. and it is painful and confusing, but it is nice to know there are other people like me who are willing to talk about sensitive topics like this. i never thought i would ever be the other woman but i guess that just proves the saying "never say never."
LookingforSunshine Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Dear Addie, A year and a half ago, I would not have been able to fully relate as I can now. I would not even truly understand several of the posts of have read. I have been so humbled as a human being through the past several months. Never say never is exactly right on! Cheers to new words and new friends!!!
LookingforSunshine Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Dear Addie, Yes, the pain does not end, but the journey is not so burdened when there are others you realize are going through some of the same emotions and situations you find yourself in. Society does not give us very many places to discuss these sensitive issues, and I have felt so alone for so long I could scream. I am glad you found the site.
Passion2Give Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Hey Everybody I just found out that I am 5 weeks pregnant by my MM. I do not know what to do, I am scared to death. Me and the MM talked and he said whatever I wanted to do he would be there for me. I do want to have a baby and the I do not want to have a baby. My MM is moving to be with his wife and kids and I just can't imagine losing him and not having the baby all at the same time. I see myself going crazy. I am going to go talk to my pastors and see what they advise. I think what I am most scared about is telling my mom, because she told me not to bring anymore babies in the world. My parents have my daughter right now. Please if you have any advise please let me know. I have two weeks to decide to continue my pregnancy or terminate it. Passion
Taken_Angel Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Okay so if you aren't taking care of your child that you have already how do you plan on being able to take care of the one you're carrying? If you knew you were uncapable of raising a child why oh why didn't you at least get on the pill?? Sorry for your pain, I think that you should consider having the child and giving them up for adoption...many people would love to be able to have children and are unable to conceive and then there are the ones who couldn't care less and sometimes (NOT SAYING IN YOUR CASE) don't deserve children who can't stop getting pregnant and neglecting/abusing their kids, ect. Think long and hard about what YOU intend to do because you should know that more likely than not you will be ALONE in making this decsion, he is a MM and is going to stay with his family so are you prepared to be a single Mother? Good luck and please please please please think only ABOUT WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE BABY!
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