Vivvy Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I've known him about a year, and from the start he paid me a lot more attention than I'm used to in a normal colleague relationship. Every opportunity he gets, he sits next to me, comes to talk to me. At first I shrugged it off as perhaps a crush on his part, but as the months have rolled on I have started to feel stronger for him. We have a big emotional connection - wrong, I know, as he should have this connection with his wife, not me. But he confides in me about everything. He has told me intimate details about his upbringing and recently admitted to me that he had had doubts about his marriage in recent years, something his wife is unaware of. When he speaks to me, he leans in right next to my ear and his body language is always suggestive (legs crossed towards me etc). I seem to be more conscious of people noticing us together than he is, and I'm always paranoid that our colleagues are suspicious of how close we are. Nothing romantic has happened whatsoever and the only physical contact we have ever had was a long hug at the end of a work party. I have met his wife and she knew a lot about me, which suggests he isn't secretive about our relationship at home. But we do go for a drink for a couple of hours after work at the end of every week, on our own, where he pours his heart out to me about everything. I can't see how his wife wouldn't object to this really, her husband going for a weekly drink with a single woman, but I'm not sure if she knows that we do it. Although I'm attracted to him I am NOT going to make a move while he is married and the reason I have let it get this far is because I enjoy our very close friendship, which is stronger than anything I have with anyone else. He says the same too and always tells me that he couldn't do without me and that I "prop him up". The reason I'm posting, I suppose, is to get some objective opinion of what you think his motives are. I'm not after any moral-police-type answers, thanks. I know an affair is wrong and I'm not planning on engaging him in an affair. I just want you to aim to answer the following: Am I just a very good friend to him? Or is he looking for more?
imagine Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Hi Viv, You are meeting his emotional needs and he is meeting yours. I guess that you know the thoughts that are going through your head right now are are also going through his. I do not know how his marriage relationship is going right now, but I reckon that his comment about it is a trick that he is using to get you to talk relationships. Do you think it works? Marriage is always a variable on the "like" scale. Love is a commitment. Do you want your future husband chatting up a women regarding your marriage relationship. Advice should come from the same gender. This is my 0.02c or now 0.05c since 2c are discontinued. 1
Author Vivvy Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 (edited) Thank you very much for your reply, Imagine. I think what you said about him bringing up his marriage to get me to talk about relationships may be true and the thought had also crossed my mind. He has started regularly bringing up former girlfriends in the conversation and delivering personal snippets while he's at it, like: "I really fell for her." His jokes are also getting more sexual in theme, not in a creepy way or anything, just in light banter. When he brings up his relationships I'm always quite guarded about talking about mine, as I'm quite a reserved person and don't usually like discussing them. Although I've disclosed to him a few things, I'm reluctant to spill everything to him. I certainly now know more about him than he does about me. I have spent a short amount of time with him while with his wife and although they seem fine, she is quite a strong character and is, in my opinion, verging on domineering. She tends to bark orders at him a lot and there have been occasions when he hasn't been able to attend social work events as she has insisted he stay at home. And, as I said, he has confided to me that there was a long period a while back where he was very doubtful over his marriage and wondered if he had rushed into it. His wife does not know this. He has never mentioned to me how things are right now in the marriage though. Whether he is genuinely attracted to me or not, this is a very strong emotional relationship that we have and I really don't have any idea where it's going. Edited November 4, 2012 by Vivvy
ComingInHot Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I suggest researching Emotional Affairs. And as far as MM "confiding" in you his intimacies or lack thereof, you only know what he is telling you. Is it truth, lies or both mixed in? You say you've met his wife. Makes me think that MM is creating a picture for you and a "see? We are all friends here in open" scenario for you to feel comfortable getting closer to him. Next time you meet up w/MM & his wife, mention your weekly cocktails and something you both discussed that would bring her into those meet ups. She may/may not have something to say... If you find yourself Not feeling comfortable about disclosing something to his Wife or feeling you should keep it on the "low down", then something is happening that Shouldn't. Please be careful. It looks like your headed for a lot of Drama that you may not want* 1
Author Vivvy Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 So, is the general consensus then that this man does want more than to be just friends? Or is he just relying on me for emotional support? He's not the sort to be a dirtbag, by the way, to whoever said it. I know people in my position say it all the time so you may well scoff at this, but I'm a good judge of character, I'm here, I know him, I know amazing things he has done and the sort of wonderful character he is, you do not. I trust him completely and know that if he is thinking of infidelity, then he'd be beating himself up about it. Just like I am. Thanks.
ComingInHot Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Thing is, even good people sometimes make bad choices... So in answer, Yes. He is looking for "more" whether he has recognized it or not yet himself. Just keep Everything on the up & up and out in the open so regardless of his known or unknown intentions both you And his wife are aware of any & all situations*
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