actiongurl Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I quit going out with my husband. When we are out together, regardless of where we are, he stares at other women so intently it is bothersome to me. He won't hear me when I talk to him as he is busy concentrating on the woman he is looking at until she is no longer in his view. He won't even know I have said anything to him or that our child has. At times, he will run into me, or step on my feet as he isn't looking at where he is going because he is looking at some chick. I am wondering how common this is. I don't think my husband sees anything wrong with this. There are many other reasons it is particularly troublesome to me, but in itself is this behavior out of line?
Silly_Girl Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I definitely couldn't tolerate that. What does he say about it when you speak with him? What efforts has he made to stop? Does he feel it's normal? Why else does it bother you? It might help to know to fully understand what's going on with you guys.
Soxfaninfl Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I'll be honest when I was married and out with my wife, I would not look at other women. It felt disrespectable if I did it while she was around. I would look when I wasn't with her but not when she was with me. I wouldn't want her to do it to me when we're were out together, so I wouldn't do it to her.
Author actiongurl Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 I definitely couldn't tolerate that. What does he say about it when you speak with him? What efforts has he made to stop? Does he feel it's normal? Why else does it bother you? It might help to know to fully understand what's going on with you guys. He used to deny it was going on. Then he started going to see a psychologist and that changed much of his thinking. I think he always knew it was an issue but had a hard time admitting it as he can't see undesirable behavior in himself without labeling himself as a terrible person. He had other things to address before this issue was going to be addressed and one big one is his inability to provide or receive words of affirmation. He just couldn't tell me how he felt about me, and I mean ever. I wouldn't hear I look nice, smell nice, that I'm a good person, good mother or anything. So with that in mind, I regularly see how he views other women, and not me which I find very hurtful. I had a very clear example of this a couple of weeks ago and I really haven't felt the same since. He had anger issues and control issues as well. Those were addressed with the psychologist and he was just working on being able to show me how he feels about me, then our psychologist had her baby die so she took a leave understandably. During that leave he backslid with his other issues and started to struggle with them again. He is back with the psychologist again and I am excited to see the change in him, but he is starting at stage one again which he is very frustrated with. He is working on it and dedicated to bettering himself, which is all I can ask. I found the behavior to be appalling, but it is always a good idea to bounce things off of other people.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Everyone looks, you can't help it. But to ogle at that level is really disrespectful to you and your child.
pcplod Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 He simply hasn't matured, right across the board and on that basis, it must be a serious question to be asked whether he ever can or will. In principle, it may well be possible but at best I suspect it may take him until into middle age, if at all, if he will. If that is the case, is that a risk that you can take?
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