JFRomero76 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum and wanted to say hello before sharing my story and present situation. ------------------------------------------------------------------------- My ex girl left me 2 months ago going to 3 months. We've been together for more than 3 years (December would be 4 years) and lived together for more than 2 years. We have a 2 year old daughter and her 8 year old daughter from her first relationship. When we first met things where amazing, I never had a chemistry with another woman like I did with her. We decided to move in together because she got pregnant and from there everything went downhill gradually. I became depressed because I had recently lost my business and couldn't find employment. She was the only one working and making mid-level money, enough to provide for rent and necessities for the kids and home. I began drinking everyday and became complacent to a point that my drive for achievement became impaired. My ex believed in me and supported me through my depression. As my drinking worsened my personality began to change for the worse. As time passed she grew tired of my drinking problem and my lack of motivation. It came to a point that we where having arguments almost everyday. She gave me many chances to change and I didn't until finally 2 months ago she decided to leave me for good. I began a journey of loneliness and pain. I never thought that she would leave me. I begged her, I pleaded, I cried to her that I would change. She finally did not budge and told me that she didn't want to hate me but she resented me for all the pain I put her through. After attempts of apologies and pleading I chose to stop. As I began my journey of working on myself she lost her job. I was receiving unemployment while we where together but I would spend most of it in alcohol. After I found out that she had lost her job I began giving her my unemployment money completely since I decided to stop drinking. As I began working on myself, I began to put my ex and the girls first. I started paying for her bills; car payment, insurance, phone and even extra money for her and the girls. My unemployment money wasn't enough so I started doing side jobs and became very motivated to help my ex since she was struggling to make her payments. Working on myself has been very difficult: Sleepless nights, anxiety, depression, desperation, loneliness, lack of appetite and frustration. During this process of pain I could had self medicated myself and continued my drinking but I chose not to. I've been clean since she left me and have endured my pains as a man. During my process I continued to help her in anyway I could. Her economical situation has gotten worse as mine has gotten better. That really hurts me because now that I can provide for her and the girls I don't know if she would want me back. As time has gone by, she has noticed my changes. She began thanking me for the help I've provided. Finally God blessed me with a great job. I've been able to salvage her from losing her car, insurance, phone, clothes for the kids and food for them. I no longer think of myself first but them as my priority. Little over 2 months now I've been able to make a 180 degrees change. She has more recently been nicer and receiving to me. She has been texting me more frequently. Last weekend when she dropped of my daughter and picked her up the next day she text me "I'm glad to see that your taking care of yourself. You looked very nice yesterday and Saturday". I responded "Thank you, I really appreciate that". She replied "Gotta give credit where it's due". A couple days later she emailed me 2 songs from the Lumineers: Ho hey and Stubborn love. I've been trying to be very minimal with my responses. Anyhow communication has been steady as of late but it's still hard for me to decipher if she wants me back or if she is just thankful for the help that I'm providing her. Friday I text her in the afternoon, first time I've done that since our breakup. "Hope your having a pleasant day". She replied "Frustrated" So I decided to ask her if she wanted to go to the mall on Sat. with the kids. She was surprised but agreed. Today, Saturday we went to the mall as we used to as a family. I filled up her gas tank which was empty. She seemed happy and talkative, big change from the day she left me. While at the mall I asked her if the kids needed clothes and she said yes. So I said to her let's go to the places you normally like going to, she felt very uncomfortable because before she would spend her money at shopping. There was a moment where she broke down and cried. Her economical frustrations came out. I tried hugging her for comfort but she pushed me away. I felt hurt at the moment but I sucked it up and pretended as if nothing happened. After her break down she seemed in good spirits again and we continued shopping for the kids and I had her get a pedicure and manicure. I also treated her to get her eyebrows threaded. Afterwards, we left the mall we spoke a bit on the way to my house since she was driving. Right before dropping me off she brought up how now that we are not together that I took better care of myself. I briefly responded "I was an alcoholic and I had problems that I needed to work on." I also said "You girls are the first one's I think of when I get up in the morning." She stayed quiet. Before getting of the car I gave her a kiss on the cheek and so did she. I kissed the girls goodbye which they where very sad to see me go. Conclusion: I'm very confused about my relationship. Does she see me as a friend? or does she still have feelings of reconciliation? Your inputs are much appreciated! Sorry for the long post............
theLWord Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 It sounds like you've done everything you can to change yourself for your family, and for you as well, congrats on that. I wouldn't want you to assume she was still interested and her not be. Or vice versa. She could see it as you changing and maybe wanting to fix things, or she could see it as the feelings already changed and you are just being responsible. That's really nice of you for taking care of her daughters from her past relationship though. I think your best bet is just talking to her and see where you stand. P.S. I really like the Lumineers and ''stubborn love'' could be confusing to anyone..
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