flirty eyes

[whichwayisup]

Next time he does it, stare at him until he looks you in the eye and then try your best to give him 'the look'. The look meaning (all us wives give our H's that look when they say or do something dumb) will let him know what he is doing is inappropriate.

 

Sorry that I came off harshly earlier. I guess because this was posted in the infidelity forum, it made me wonder if there was more going on than meets the eye in your situation.

 

I do get that it isn't comfortable and you don't want to have a confrontation. But, there's a big difference between standing up for yourself and having a confrontation.

 

Practice in front of the mirror. Say what you'd like to say to him right to the mirror. (make sure nobody is home, or say it in your head, whisper it)

 

Eventually he'll stop. Gawking and checking out your boobs so often isn't nice.. He probably knows this too but can't help himself.

[whichwayisup]

You obviously chose the Infidelity section because of the "fantasies" you keep mentioning. So you knew exactly where you were posting.

 

Chill out Alice. she's explained why she posted here and seems very genuine about her situation. She isn't looking for trouble, or an affair.

 

Berating her and telling her what you think her intentions are is doing nothing but pissing her off and she doesn't deserve this treatment on here.

[itcouldhappen]

Next time he does it, stare at him until he looks you in the eye and then try your best to give him 'the look'. The look meaning (all us wives give our H's that look when they say or do something dumb) will let him know what he is doing is inappropriate.

 

Sorry that I came off harshly earlier. I guess because this was posted in the infidelity forum, it made me wonder if there was more going on than meets the eye in your situation.

 

I do get that it isn't comfortable and you don't want to have a confrontation. But, there's a big difference between standing up for yourself and having a confrontation.

 

Practice in front of the mirror. Say what you'd like to say to him right to the mirror. (make sure nobody is home, or say it in your head, whisper it)

 

Eventually he'll stop. Gawking and checking out your boobs so often isn't nice.. He probably knows this too but can't help himself.

 

Thank you for being kinder. I don't think I'll have the opportunity to say, hey buddy stop staring...but I will practice it just in case.

 

I actually feel like saying

 

"You idiot. What the F*** are you thinking? And can you please keep it in your pants because staring at me is NOT HELPING YOU OUT."

 

But in reality, I am just sad for him. Obviously he must be having marital problems. Or maybe he really just like my chest? I know his wife, her chest is nothing to sneeze at, she's easily bustier than me. But I've known him a long time, and I know he's not doing this to anyone else.

 

So why me? So why now? After all this time.

 

And why screw up a perfectly good relationship with a woman who he is going to know for years, and years?

 

UGH.

 

BUt I'm not the kind of person who can actually say what she is thinking. (ie. above - YOU IDIOT" etc...

[itcouldhappen]

Been where and done what?

 

what I meant by been there, done that, is if I'm in this thread I thought people who have experience with infidelity.

 

I thought there might be people on here who possibly started off the same way, and said, you know "if I did this, (nipped it in the bud this PARTICULAR way" it might not have happened..../

 

ie. more experience than me.

[itcouldhappen]

She's having fantasies about the guy and wants to "talk" about the staring with him. She's even loosing sleep over his stares.

 

C'mon now.

 

She's not getting berated - she's being called out and I'm not the only one who's BS radar went up. And I'm not talking about a Betrayed Spouse radar either.

 

I don't need to chill out - I'm calling it like I see it. She's in the right place.

 

Whoa. I have lots of fantasies. About a lot of things. And none of those things makes me a BAD WIFE/MOTHER/SPOUSE.

 

Because they are in MY HEAD. And they are hurting absolutely no one. And have never hurt anyone.

 

I don't actually want to talk with him about the "Staring" and I don't think I'll have the opportunity anyhow. And EVEN IF I DID, I'm NOT SURE I HAVE THE BALLS TO CALL HIM OUT ON IT.

[itcouldhappen]

You are having sexual fantasies about this man.

You are losing sleep over it.

You felt the need to come to the infidelity board.

 

Why don't you be honest with yourself . . . and us. Then maybe we can genuinely help you.

 

I really do believe you are reading more into me picking this "infidelity" board. I've admitted I've never cheated. I just didn't know where else to post.

 

Do you have a "he's staring at my boobs and I don't know what to do board?"

 

Yes, I've fantasized. I won't deny that.

I am losing sleep, because I don't see this situation ending anytime soon. Since I am rather meek and afraid to confront. And probably never will.

 

I am being honest, and I think you are being rather crabby about this.

 

I'm seeing him again bright and early tomorrow morning. And I just don't want to face it.

 

[whichwayisup]

Thank you for being kinder. I don't think I'll have the opportunity to say, hey buddy stop staring...but I will practice it just in case.

 

I actually feel like saying

 

"You idiot. What the F*** are you thinking? And can you please keep it in your pants because staring at me is NOT HELPING YOU OUT."

 

You're welcome.

 

You can just say "I'm asking you nicely this one time - Please stop staring at my boobs. It actually is pissing me off. Thanks." Then walk away. He won't look again, trust me.

 

But in reality, I am just sad for him. Obviously he must be having marital problems. Or maybe he really just like my chest? I know his wife, her chest is nothing to sneeze at, she's easily bustier than me. But I've known him a long time, and I know he's not doing this to anyone else.

 

Don't assume anything. Just because he's staring at your boobs doesn't mean he's having marital issues. If you use that analogy, then you fantasizing a bit about him could mean the same thing in your marriage.

 

Bottom line is, men like boobs and they like to look at boobs.

 

You also aren't around him all the time, who knows what he does when he's out with his wife or on his own with friends.

 

Do yourself a favour though, stop fantasizing about him as it just is making this more complicated than it should be.

So why me? So why now? After all this time.

 

Maybe he just never noticed before and didn't look at you like that until he paid more attention. Who knows.. don't try to figure out either. It could be he's been looking longer than you realize and that you've just started noticing it more now.

 

And why screw up a perfectly good relationship with a woman who he is going to know for years, and years?

 

UGH.

 

Then when you are comfortable enough with approaching him either make a joke about it and ask him how he would feel if you stared at his crotch all the time and others noticed it as well as him or directly say to him, Enough staring at my boobs! Then walk away.

 

Or just completely ignore it and don't look at him at all when he's doing it. Turn your back, make a face, sigh loudly, glare at him - There are other subtle ways of getting the point across without directly telling him to stop.

[itcouldhappen]

When you need to come to a message board and loose sleep over it, then there's a problem. With you, not him.

 

You're having fantasies about another man - a man you see quite a bit. A man who has you "terrified."

 

Okay, I've had a fantasy or two/or five. The fantasies are not what are keeping me awake.

 

Yes, I have a problem.

 

Ahem.

 

Shhhh. I'll tell you a secret.

 

THAT IS WHY I'M HERE.

[itcouldhappen]

You're welcome.

 

You can just say "I'm asking you nicely this one time - Please stop staring at my boobs. It actually is pissing me off. Thanks." Then walk away. He won't look again, trust me.

 

 

 

Don't assume anything. Just because he's staring at your boobs doesn't mean he's having marital issues. If you use that analogy, then you fantasizing a bit about him could mean the same thing in your marriage.

 

Bottom line is, men like boobs and they like to look at boobs.

 

You also aren't around him all the time, who knows what he does when he's out with his wife or on his own with friends.

 

Do yourself a favour though, stop fantasizing about him as it just is making this more complicated than it should be.

 

 

Maybe he just never noticed before and didn't look at you like that until he paid more attention. Who knows.. don't try to figure out either. It could be he's been looking longer than you realize and that you've just started noticing it more now.

 

 

 

Then when you are comfortable enough with approaching him either make a joke about it and ask him how he would feel if you stared at his crotch all the time and others noticed it as well as him or directly say to him, Enough staring at my boobs! Then walk away.

 

Or just completely ignore it and don't look at him at all when he's doing it. Turn your back, make a face, sigh loudly, glare at him - There are other subtle ways of getting the point across without directly telling him to stop.

 

 

 

WOW. you made me blush when I read to tell him to Enough staring at my boobs! hahaha. I guess I could try to make it a joke??

 

Maybe all the guys in the room would laugh and then it would be easier??

 

I think maybe this is really all more in my head.

 

Because your right, I am not with him all the time, so maybe he does do this to other women.

 

Or maybe he's just looking because he can.

[itcouldhappen]

Also, I really can't just say out loud in front of the other guys, uhm. stop staring?

[itcouldhappen]

Many potential OW women (literally) lose sleep when they sense potential "danger" coming into their lives. Especially when they've been having sexual fantasies about the person and wondering about his marriage.

 

Reading into it? I don't think so.

 

But good luck with your "situation."

 

See - isn't it nice to share information you know, with someone who doesn't?

 

I had no idea that losing sleep was a sign of potential sexual danger. But now that you've imparted this information on me, I can actually use it to use diffuse the situation.

[Tara247]

Hi

 

I'm new

 

Um. SO....my girlfriend's husband has recently been using flirty eyes with me. And lots of staring. At my chest particularly. I would describe the look as though he wants to lick sugar off my breasts. He isn't particular good at hiding it.

 

help?

 

Sugar off your breasts?..You don't want help, you want him to do you.

[itcouldhappen]

Sugar off your breasts?..You don't want help, you want him to do you.

 

Sorry, I'm an english lit major and I like to use descriptive words.

[whichwayisup]

Also, I really can't just say out loud in front of the other guys, uhm. stop staring?

 

Yes you can.

 

If it was me? I'd be on that like white on rice!

 

"Enjoying the view?" "Just stare a little more, don't think you looked long enough."

Bend down to his crotch and say "Hey there!" and then look at him and say, "there, now we're even." walk away.

 

Or I'd directly say, "I've noticed you staring at my boobs recently and to be honest it's making me feel really uncomfortable. Can you please stop doing that."

[whichwayisup]

Sugar off your breasts?..You don't want help, you want him to do you.

 

Tara, she isn't looking to cheat on her husband. Read her thread before jumping in on her like Alice did.

 

She made a mistake by posting this in this section so many minds on here are assuming there's more to the story when there really isn't.

[itcouldhappen]

Yes you can.

 

If it was me? I'd be on that like white on rice!

 

"Enjoying the view?" "Just stare a little more, don't think you looked long enough."

Bend down to his crotch and say "Hey there!" and then look at him and say, "there, now we're even." walk away.

 

Or I'd directly say, "I've noticed you staring at my boobs recently and to be honest it's making me feel really uncomfortable. Can you please stop doing that."

 

Wow. I don't think I could do that. And not in front of my kids. I really wish I had the gumption?/courage to say something like that in front of a group of dads.

 

But love the attitude! I'm laughing. And it's good to laugh about this, cause it's quite funny.

[itcouldhappen]

Tara, she isn't looking to cheat on her husband. Read her thread before jumping in on her like Alice did.

 

She made a mistake by posting this in this section so many minds on here are assuming there's more to the story when there really isn't.

 

Whichwayisup ~ I want to thank you for being kind. And very understanding. You've given me some great tips...although not sure I'll be able to speak up.

 

Actually, it just prompted a thought ~ Do you think confiding in one of the other dads (who are non-threatening?) and saying...Hey, have you noticed?, or something along that lines and see if I can garnish support from someone else?

[whichwayisup]

Wow. I don't think I could do that. And not in front of my kids. I really wish I had the gumption?/courage to say something like that in front of a group of dads.

 

But love the attitude! I'm laughing. And it's good to laugh about this, cause it's quite funny.

 

No, not in front of the kids.. But, you could take him aside and quietly say to him "I've noticed you staring at my boobs recently and my children are starting to notice too so I'm asking you nicely to please stop doing that."

 

I still think another option is, telling your husband that it's bothering you and how to handle it. Your husband isn't going to get so mad (he's a guy and hate to say this, chances are quite high that he's checked out other women's boobs too) that he's gonna go punch the guy out, but anyway, your H should be aware of how you feel. Don't be afraid of communicating to your H about this!

[whichwayisup]

Let's not be naive - she's chose the appropriate place and she chose an appropriate username.

 

Carry on.

 

I'm not naive...I'm giving her the benefit of doubt.

[itcouldhappen]

Let's not be naive - she's chose the appropriate place and she chose an appropriate username.

 

Carry on.

 

OH wow. Again with the judgements.

 

Okay. It-could-happen.net (which is based on the highly presuptuous ship pairing of two famous people)

 

AND HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WHY I AM HERE.

 

I dare you to go visit the site.

[itcouldhappen]

And what's your advice about confiding in one of the other dads whichway?

 

What advice would you give to a women who wants to confide in another dad (about another dad) instead of her husband?

 

because the other dad a) might be supportive in my situation and b) he would never tell my husband. c) the guy I have in mind is as innocent as tiny puppies. And I'm trying to find a "buddy" or someone ACTUALLY REAL IN MY REAL LIFE who might sympathize...or maybe, he might actually help me by talking to the COACH. So that I don't have to.

 

You are an idiot.

[itcouldhappen]

No, not in front of the kids.. But, you could take him aside and quietly say to him "I've noticed you staring at my boobs recently and my children are starting to notice too so I'm asking you nicely to please stop doing that."

 

I still think another option is, telling your husband that it's bothering you and how to handle it. Your husband isn't going to get so mad (he's a guy and hate to say this, chances are quite high that he's checked out other women's boobs too) that he's gonna go punch the guy out, but anyway, your H should be aware of how you feel. Don't be afraid of communicating to your H about this!

 

agh. I could tell him. I just don't want to. And I don't like rocking the boat. And I don't want to put him in a position where he'll feel like he needs to protect me.

 

And I don't want to pull him aside. I'm just, I can't. I just can't.

[whichwayisup]

agh. I could tell him. I just don't want to. And I don't like rocking the boat. And I don't want to put him in a position where he'll feel like he needs to protect me.

 

And I don't want to pull him aside. I'm just, I can't. I just can't.

 

Dig down deep and tell him the two real reasons why you're afraid. For both.

 

Your husband is not going to feel the need to protect you UNLESS this guy touches you or makes a move on you. Boob staring isn't a reason for your husband to get all mad and worked up.

[itcouldhappen]

That's okay, I'll pass.

 

See and you thought you knew why I picked the user name "itcouldhappen".

 

(shakes head)

 

What made you so jaded.....like this?? So cynical? It's ugly.

[itcouldhappen]

Dig down deep and tell him the two real reasons why you're afraid. For both.

 

Your husband is not going to feel the need to protect you UNLESS this guy touches you or makes a move on you. Boob staring isn't a reason for your husband to get all mad and worked up.

 

Fair enough. He'd probably laugh and say "Hey I'd look too". But then I think he would be worried for me if he wasn't there. Have I mentioned I LOVE MY HUSBAND.