flirty eyes

[itcouldhappen]

Hi

 

I'm new

 

Um. SO....my girlfriend's husband has recently been using flirty eyes with me. And lots of staring. At my chest particularly. I would describe the look as though he wants to lick sugar off my breasts. He isn't particular good at hiding it.

 

I am not close to this girlfriend. We are mostly friends through our kids/and their activities.

 

I see the husband regularly and can't avoid him ~several times a week.

 

SO.

 

Should I confront him? And how? What do I say? Ummm...please stop staring at my chest?

 

And yes. I have a nice chest. And often wear clothes that don't hide it. And for awhile I started wearing bigger coats. And bigger sweaters, and started covering up (on days when I knew I would see him).

 

Then I thought ~~this is bull****. I am my own person and I can wear what I like.

 

And I am friends with lots of other guys. And they don't stare at my chest. Even if I am wearing revealing clothes.

 

SO.

 

I also don't often get "alone" time with him, so how exactly do I bring it up privately?

 

I haven't told my husband. (nothing's happened? why stir the pot?)

 

I won't deny that there isn't a small part of me that appreciates being stared at...

 

We text rarely, but it's never sexual/flirty. It's very practical and based solely on the reasons we have to interact.

 

I'm feeling really uneasy. A small (dark place inside) would love to just show him exactly what I'm made of (so-to-speak) and I won't deny I've fantasized about him. However, that being said ~~I've never been flirty eyes with him, nor have I encouraged his behavior.

 

SO I'm stuck.

 

help?

[River Rain]

You sound like you want confirmation to cheat on your husband.

[whichwayisup]

Tell your husband.

And, tell this guy to keep his eyes off your chest.

 

Fact that you're secretly seem to be enjoying this, and have fantasized about it and posting about it on here, means this is more serious than just some husband of a friend who is eyeing your boobs - He's picked up on you being interested which is probably why he's making it more obvious.

 

You are playing with fire if you don't stop this now.

 

Think of your husband and your kids. Don't turn their lives upside down! Is playing games with this guy worth pissing away what you have now? All that you know and love?

[itcouldhappen]

no I'm not.

 

How do I ~~

 

a) confront him, what do I say, how do I say it, when i rarely ever get time alone with him, and how do I get the nerve to even bring it up and address it with him?

 

b) deal with my inner desire (which by the way I think is healthy), and channel it appropriately?

 

I'm actually kind of shy and a little afraid of confronting him.

 

Not confronting him at all seems like the easiest solution. Then I don't have to deal with his answers.

 

But then I'll feel like I didn't stop him/or put an end to it. Since it keeps happening.

 

Hence the asking for help. I'm actually losing some sleep over this. So it's obviously on my mind and bothering me.

 

Any useful suggestions?

[itcouldhappen]

Tell your husband.

And, tell this guy to keep his eyes off your chest.

 

Fact that you're secretly seem to be enjoying this, and have fantasized about it and posting about it on here, means this is more serious than just some husband of a friend who is eyeing your boobs - He's picked up on you being interested which is probably why he's making it more obvious.

 

You are playing with fire if you don't stop this now.

 

Think of your husband and your kids. Don't turn their lives upside down! Is playing games with this guy worth pissing away what you have now? All that you know and love?

 

Good point. But I think fantasizing is healthy. Yes he is eyeing my boobs. But I'm not reciprocating. *I pinky swear*. I'm trying to stay focused on the tasks at hand when we are together. And being polite and courteous.

 

I'm actually not sure he's noticed that I've noticed. And I'm quite afraid of him turning this around and denying it. OR worse, if I am able to actually get him alone to confront him, he'll physically approach me. Which is why so far, I've done absolutely nothing.

[Realist3]

Hi

 

 

 

Um. SO....my girlfriend's husband has recently been using flirty eyes with me. And lots of staring. At my chest particularly. I would describe the look as though he wants to lick sugar off my breasts. He isn't particular good at hiding it.

 

 

 

Should I confront him? And how? What do I say? Ummm...please stop staring at my chest?

 

And yes. I have a nice chest. And often wear clothes that don't hide it. And for awhile I started wearing bigger coats. And bigger sweaters, and started covering up (on days when I knew I would see him).

 

 

 

And I am friends with lots of other guys. And they don't stare at my chest. Even if I am wearing revealing clothes.

 

 

 

 

I won't deny that there isn't a small part of me that appreciates being stared at...

 

We text rarely, but it's never sexual/flirty. It's very practical and based solely on the reasons we have to interact.

 

A small (dark place inside) would love to just show him exactly what I'm made of (so-to-speak) and I won't deny I've fantasized about him. .

 

 

You are attracted to the guy and you like him staring at you chest.

[itcouldhappen]

Realist - I won't deny your statement.

 

But I still need help dealing with this?

[Furious]

Realist - I won't deny your statement.

 

But I still need help dealing with this?

 

 

You're not stupid, it doesn't take a genius to figure out how to shut this situation down.

[itcouldhappen]

You're not stupid, it doesn't take a genius to figure out how to shut this situation down.

 

Hi Furious. Not sure if you read my post. I'm actually quite shy and afraid to engage in a private conversation with this person for fear of two things: either he'll deny it (and I'll be mortified), OR he'll reveal he wants to pursue me, which is a position I don't want to be in, and while I admit I've fantasized about (WHICH I DON'T BELIEVE MAKES ME A BAD PERSON), doesn't mean I will reciprocate.

 

I'm not STUPID.

[itcouldhappen]

You're attracted to him. So of course you've encouraged it - because you're giving off a vibe . . . and he picked up on it.

 

Now you have the perfect opportunity to break the ice so to speak by "confronting" him about his attraction to you. That of course will open the flood gates and he'll tell you how attracted he is to you, you'll claim you're happily married and then you can both take those little "innocent" baby steps that lead to an affair.

 

Your story is not unique. You're looking for an excuse to take things to the next level.

 

I didn't realized that noticing someone else staring at my chest was giving off a VIBE? Sorry, does that also mean if I'M WEARING A SHORT SKIRT THEN I DESERVED TO BE RAPED?

 

Yes, I have the perfect opportunity to break the ice. WHICH I HAVE NOT DONE.

because I am an actual REAL person WHO IS TERRIFIED.

 

Wow.

[itcouldhappen]

You're not stupid, it doesn't take a genius to figure out how to shut this situation down.

 

Also Furious, since I'm STUPID.

 

Please outline the exact steps to "shutting this down".

 

I'm clearly doing it wrong. Instead of making statements, maybe you could use your superior brain power and actually outline for me exactly HOW I'm supposed to "shut this down" without confronting him directly (which will result in 2 endings I'm terrified of?).

 

Please show me how.

[Furious]

Hi Furious. Not sure if you read my post. I'm actually quite shy and afraid to engage in a private conversation with this person for fear of two things: either he'll deny it (and I'll be mortified), OR he'll reveal he wants to pursue me, which is a position I don't want to be in, and while I admit I've fantasized about (WHICH I DON'T BELIEVE MAKES ME A BAD PERSON), doesn't mean I will reciprocate.

 

I'm not STUPID.

 

You don't need to have a "private conversation". You're not very good friends with his wife, if you distance yourself from her and distance your interaction between your kids, then that says it all without having to say anything.

 

Or even better ask your husband for his advice!

[itcouldhappen]

You don't need to have a "private conversation". You're not very good friends with his wife, if you distance yourself from her and distance your interaction between your kids, then that says it all without having to say anything.

 

Or even better ask your husband for his advice!

 

Okay, the last person I want to talk to is my husband. He has to deal with him too. And it's unfair to him. And I don't think he would be thrilled.

 

And I'm stuck. I can't distance our interaction between our kids or the wife. It's just not possible.

 

Thank you for at least offering up that I don't have to talk with him directly, which I am honest-to-god...terrified of doing.

 

But it doesn't solve my problem?

And how does telling my husband solve my problem?

[itcouldhappen]

You're "terrified" because you've never had an affair before maybe. But terrified of him? I don't believe that.

 

Wow. What are you basing this statement on?

 

Nope. I've never had an affair.

 

Terrified of him. Absolutely.

[Saba]

The problem is that you enjoy him looking so you haven’t done what comes naturally to dissuade him.

 

I think most women deal with unwanted attention the same way .... give him the 'you are a lecherous a-hole' glare. He will understand. If you don't have that look in your repertoire next time he stares put your hand in front of your chest and flick upwards (or point towards your face) paired with look of disdain.

[Furious]

Also Furious, since I'm STUPID.

 

Please outline the exact steps to "shutting this down".

 

I'm clearly doing it wrong. Instead of making statements, maybe you could use your superior brain power and actually outline for me exactly HOW I'm supposed to "shut this down" without confronting him directly (which will result in 2 endings I'm terrified of?).

 

Please show me how.

 

 

I said you're NOT stupid if you read what I said.

 

Good luck!

[itcouldhappen]

I bet if this was a man that was not attractive to you, you'd have no problem at all making it clear to him that he better keep his eyes off of your chest.

 

Channel the inner bitch and just tell him, look I know you've been staring at my chest, out of respect for me, I'm asking you to stop right now. If you don't, I will tell my husband and he'll have a word with you. Easy peasy.

 

Women who think they have to be nice all the time and women who like other men leering at their body parts are the same women who find themselves more likely to have affairs. They are also the same women who passively say........ooo but I didn't mean for it to happen.

 

Lady grey-- you've actually been the first person to reveal to me why I am struggling with this.

 

I am a nice person. I don't like to rock the boat. And I've had other men briefly look. I don't find that a big deal. Usually it's a stranger. Or someone I don't know well. This is the first person I know, that is doing it somewhat repeatedly.

 

I don't exactly have an inner bitch.

 

Unfortunately if I pointed at my chest and then back to my eyes, someone else would surely notice and I don't want anyone else to know (we are often surrounded by lots of people). How do I tell him to stop staring or I'll tell my husband when we are NEVER ALONE.

 

Is he attractive to me? Meh. I've seen better. But he's not ugly either.

[itcouldhappen]

"Terrified" huh? I can only imagine the vibe you're giving off.

Good luck and check back with us in a few months.

 

Uh. When I've noticed him staring, I usually try to avoid or look away. (or cover up).

 

I'm being serious here, and I feel like you guys have just already written me off. Like - whatever.

 

WOW. thanks for the support.? I think.?

[itcouldhappen]

The problem is that you enjoy him looking so you haven’t done what comes naturally to dissuade him.

 

I think most women deal with unwanted attention the same way .... give him the 'you are a lecherous a-hole' glare. He will understand. If you don't have that look in your repertoire next time he stares put your hand in front of your chest and flick upwards (or point towards your face) paired with look of disdain.

 

Saba, I just don't have that look in me. I don't know if I could if I tried. What if it came off all wrong??

[itcouldhappen]

I have had C-D boobs since I was TWELVE YEARS OLD, so you can just imagine what I've had to deal with.

 

This is NOT a big deal - it's not hard to nip it in the bud. I've done it for decades. Never EVER have had to go on a message board to get advice about shutting men down.

 

But you want it to be a big deal because you're attracted to him. That's why you came here and posted on the "Infidelity" forum and not on any other forum at LoveShack.

 

You want to cheat. You've found the guy and you came here for "advice" on how to break the ice.

 

Wow. Okay

 

1. I am new to message boards. like completely.

 

2. If I posted in the wrong section, because in fact I have not been in an affair, nor do I suspect one from my spouse, COULD YOU PLEASE AND KINDLY SHOW ME WHERE THE RIGHT FORUM IS?

 

That's really all you had to do.

 

I actually don't want to break the "ice" with him. I'm just feeling trapped. And a little insecure. And frustrated by my own lack of ability to tell him the **** to stop without actually having to confront him.

 

And I don't know anything about you, and yet you are very presumptuous about me, and who I am, and what I am going to do, but this is a "BIG DEAL" for me.

 

And if it's not for you, then don't respond.

 

OR FOR PETES SAKES, tell the new person here, you are in the WRONG PLACE/thread/forum, or whatever it is you people call this.

 

So point me in the right direction please??

[Saba]

Saba, I just don't have that look in me. I don't know if I could if I tried. What if it came off all wrong??

 

You are giving this way too much thought if all you want is for him to stop staring at your chest. Don't worry about other people, if you have noticed him staring chances are other people have too. You could do anything that shows disapproval and he should get the message including (but not limited to) rolling your eyes, raising your eyebrows, scowling, frowning and sighing. What do you do to show disapproval usually? Go with that.

[itcouldhappen]

"What if it came out all wrong."

 

You're worrying so much about breaking the ice - you even said you're losing sleep over this.

 

Don't worry. Once you break the ice, he'll apologize profusely and then the daily texting will eventually start.

 

Everything will go as planned.

 

Good grief. daily texting? would never happen. Again, being very presumptuous.

 

WOW.

[itcouldhappen]

Practice what you will say in your head if you are alone with him. In the mean time..........do not be friendly with him, do not engage with him, act like he isn't there. You know how to give a go to hell look, right? You've done it with other men that were not attractive to you right?

 

He knows on some level you are liking it or else he would stop. Make him invisible. You have the power........and work on that inner bitch or you will get yourself into trouble, big trouble if you aren't careful.

 

I think it's more about him stroking your ego, noticing you, it gives you a false sense of power? It's probably more about how the attention makes you feel, than about really being attracted to him. You should think seriously about why you on some level are liking this attention from someone other than your hubby.....it's not a good thing.

 

Again! I actually appreciate your posts because they are helpful. I am never alone with him, (which I am grateful for). The kids are always around, other people are always around. SO it's safe.

 

I've never thought of attention as being "bad" per se. And I think it's okay to fantasize about say, Brad Pitt (for example)...I wouldn't go so far as to reveal my true hollywood crush here (blush!). Fantasies I think, and have always been in the past for me, harmless. I've even talked with my husband about them. I think its normal to have fantasies.

 

I've actually not had to give a go-to-hell look to alot of men, especially not recently. Having lots of kids will do that. And a very busy MOM life.

 

I guess maybe it feels good just to be noticed (although I am terrified to admit that given the other posts by the ladies who have already determined I am going straight to hell and that I have no chance to survive this, and it's all going to go as I EVILLY planned all along - BA-HUMBUG to you).

[itcouldhappen]

You are giving this way too much thought if all you want is for him to stop staring at your chest. Don't worry about other people, if you have noticed him staring chances are other people have too. You could do anything that shows disapproval and he should get the message including (but not limited to) rolling your eyes, raising your eyebrows, scowling, frowning and sighing. What do you do to show disapproval usually? Go with that.

 

Well, I'm very well versed in "the GO-TO-BED-NOW and STOP TALKING" dirty look I give to my kids?

 

Does that count?

[itcouldhappen]

You obviously chose the Infidelity section because of the "fantasies" you keep mentioning. So you knew exactly where you were posting.

 

NO actually I scrolled down quickly to the married section, and didn't think my post would fit in there, saw the only other one in that section infidelity, and thought geez...

 

Maybe someone in here who's BEEN there DONE that, might have a solution?

 

Again, instead of being sarcastic, point me to the right thread/post place thingie?? I am being serious.