Necris Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I was wondering what effect does your personal standards have in your dating life? Would you have more success with lower or higher standards (highly selective vs just get what you can). Also would you say you have high or low standards? My standards aren't high at all so I'm not very picky when it comes to women, and its not like I have many dating options anyway. I noticed however guys with higher standards seem to be alot more successful than I am as I have literally zero success even with my lower standards as the not so attractive girls always reject me. I even had my friends laugh at me for that, like this one girl I went on a date with that rejected me (I was relieved though since she acted so terribly I just wished I could have got a refund on the money and time spent:lmao:) my friends somehow found her on facebook and I guess they were expecting I was trying to date some gorgeous woman because they had a field day laughing when they saw how she looked like. That does make me wonder could having lower standards actually be hurting me, when I could have higher more selective standards? Or are my standards actually still too high and I should probably lower them more?
ThaWholigan Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I was wondering what effect does your personal standards have in your dating life? Would you have more success with lower or higher standards (highly selective vs just get what you can). Also would you say you have high or low standards? My standards aren't high at all so I'm not very picky when it comes to women, and its not like I have many dating options anyway. I noticed however guys with higher standards seem to be alot more successful than I am as I have literally zero success even with my lower standards as the not so attractive girls always reject me. I even had my friends laugh at me for that, like this one girl I went on a date with that rejected me (I was relieved though since she acted so terribly I just wished I could have got a refund on the money and time spent:lmao:) my friends somehow found her on facebook and I guess they were expecting I was trying to date some gorgeous woman because they had a field day laughing when they saw how she looked like. That does make me wonder could having lower standards actually be hurting me, when I could have higher more selective standards? Or are my standards actually still too high and I should probably lower them more? You need to really think about what it is you want in a relationship, what attributes you look for in a woman and then condense that towards how you're going to find her.
MrCastle Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 My standards are astronomically high and truth be told I'm not doing as well as I could/should be doing, but when I do get the girl, it's all the more sweeter. I sometimes wish my standards were lower so I could have more success, but quality over quantity. I take solace in knowing every girl I've been with has been a 10 in my eyes.
Under The Radar Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 My standards are astronomically high and truth be told I'm not doing as well as I could/should be doing, but when I do get the girl, it's all the more sweeter. I sometimes wish my standards were lower so I could have more success, but quality over quantity. I take solace in knowing every girl I've been with has been a 10 in my eyes. MrCastle, I thought you went for the 9.5's with low self-esteem 1
SmileFace Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I don't have high or low standards - I have my own reasonable standards. I have what I like and what I don't like. I don't just want a relationship so there is no wiggle room in my standards. Doesn't mattter what if considered high or low. Yes, I can easily date different guys or end up in a relationship but will be the point? I don't want to fake something with someone and he doesn't meet my standards. Plus if a guy didn't meet my standards I probably won't be attracted to him. I am not seeking perfection but seeking someone right for me.
MrCastle Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 MrCastle, I thought you went for the 9.5's with low self-esteem Only when it's a slow week.
Avulare Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Mine are way too high, which is why I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24, despite being horny pretty much 24/7. I definitely have physical standards (i.e., I've never been attracted to an obese or short man), but more importantly are the mental/personality standards. He must be intelligent and do something useful with that intelligence; he can't be an ***hole and must know how to carry himself in public (things like smoking, spitting, being rude to wait staff, etc., are dealbreakers). Most importantly, he has to be someone I respect, trust, and admire as a person. Because of this, I've never been sexually attracted to a man right off the bat. Yeah I can look at a guy and say if he's "objectively" attractive or not physically, but I won't want to have sex with him unless I can get to know him and see if he's someone I'd be compatible with on a deeper level.
charlietheginger Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Your simply attracted to what your attracted to women come in all shapes and sizes... As the song by the smiths says From the iceage to the dole age There is but one concern I have just discovered somegirls Are bigger the other some girls Mothers are bigger then other girls Mothers... The mean behind the lyrics Are from the beginning of time Women have come in all shapes and Sizes and men love them making them mothers..... Love is love
iris219 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I think you develop your standards based on how successful you are with dating. Some people can afford to have high standards, others, not so much. I have very, very low standards, because I have no options. Basically, I'd give any single, age appropriate man a chance. My only physical standards are that he not be too short or too fat (I'm tall and thin). Other than that, I'm game. I have preferences (like not smoking and having a college degree), but with a lack of options I'd happily go out with someone who didn't meet these, so an uneducated, smoker would be fine with me. 1
MrCastle Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I think you develop your standards based on how successful you are with dating. Some people can afford to have high standards, others, not so much. I have very, very low standards, because I have no options. Basically, I'd give any single, age appropriate man a chance. My only physical standards are that he not be too short or too fat (I'm tall and thin). Other than that, I'm game. I have preferences (like not smoking and having a college degree), but with a lack of options I'd happily go out with someone who didn't meet these, so an uneducated, smoker would be fine with me. Tall, uneducated smoker vs short educated non smoker. Go.
iris219 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Tall, uneducated smoker vs short educated non smoker. Go. I didn't say I'd only date tall men. I said I'd prefer that he not be TOO short. I'm 5'9" and would date someone 5'8" or 5'7"ish.
irc333 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Yea, I have pretty much the same standards as you do, Iris. I kind of get a kick out of my friend who doesn't have an attraction for red heads, never understood how hair color, but a hot body, made THAT much of a difference to him. I was like, "So you wouldn't date Christina Hendricks or Nicole Kidman?" and apparently no, he would not. It's like a reverse fetish. I even like somewhat thick curvy girls to slender, and he said he like the slender physique. I just ask they not be obese pretty much, and non smoker, and age appropriate. Just the more logical standards. Funny, I've seen some new women on OK cupid that relocated from major cities up north , to my small area...after years of being on these sites, they are still there. Of course, I emailed them with no response of course. So they'll just sit on their 5 acres with horses and having a dateless life of spending hours on Match.com or something. I think some of them are willing to go out of state to meet men from online, if they live in smaller towns. I think you develop your standards based on how successful you are with dating. Some people can afford to have high standards, others, not so much. I have very, very low standards, because I have no options. Basically, I'd give any single, age appropriate man a chance. My only physical standards are that he not be too short or too fat (I'm tall and thin). Other than that, I'm game. I have preferences (like not smoking and having a college degree), but with a lack of options I'd happily go out with someone who didn't meet these, so an uneducated, smoker would be fine with me.
AD1980 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Im 32 and never even been on a date and i still would rather be alone the rest of my life then date a women i have zero attraction to that i know would not arouse me in any way. I have people who tell me i should go with any women that accepts me and isnt totally hideous but thats not how i operate.. I tried the lower my standards to women im not attracted to thing for a short time and got rejected anyway hitting on less attractive women doesnt guarantee anything so if im gonna get rejected anyway i might as well go down hitying on women that im actually attracted to..
somedude81 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Mine really can't go any lower. It's basically, don't be obese, don't be ugly. And IMO, the biggest reason for women to be ugly, is because they are obese. If I lowered my standards even more, I'd have to start pursuing women that I have absolutely no attraction to. Would any woman here want to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't like how you look at all, and is just with you because you said yes?
mesmerized Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 My standards are astronomically high and truth be told I'm not doing as well as I could/should be doing, but when I do get the girl, it's all the more sweeter. I sometimes wish my standards were lower so I could have more success, but quality over quantity. I take solace in knowing every girl I've been with has been a 10 in my eyes. Good for you. I fooled around with a guy that was the opposite of my type twice and it still bothers me to this day. I am extremely angry at myself for having done so and I'd be embarrassed if anyone found out lol
AD1980 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Good for you. I fooled around with a guy that was the opposite of my type twice and it still bothers me to this day. I am extremely angry at myself for having done so and I'd be embarrassed if anyone found out lol classy..... 1
mesmerized Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 classy..... He wasn't my type just look-wise btw and younger. I know it sounds shallow but I only want to be with guys I'm very attracted to and I went against this standard with him which bothers me.
somedude81 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 He wasn't my type just look-wise btw and younger. I know it sounds shallow but I only want to be with guys I'm very attracted to and I went against this standard with him which bothers me. So how come it's OK for you to think that way while men get all kinds of hate when they say they don't want to be with somebody they have no attraction to?
mesmerized Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 So how come it's OK for you to think that way while men get all kinds of hate when they say they don't want to be with somebody they have no attraction to? They don't get hate, just a reality check. I realize my standards has made dating harder for me than it is for girls with more relaxed standards.
somedude81 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 They don't get hate, just a reality check. I realize my standards has made dating harder for me than it is for girls with more relaxed standards. No there is a lot of hate. People seem to think that men who have trouble should go after anyone that walks on two legs and has a vagina.
Leigh 87 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I just go for guys who I meet, when we both " feel it" for each other, and are compelled to get to know one another better. Sometimes the guys I do not seaminly have anything in common with, turn out to be great loves; such as my own partner. As long as we are sexually attracted, and they have a future mapped out; they do not even have to have a job, as long as they plan to be a working adult in the near future, or at least study towards a job. ....I prefer fun, positive, and adventerous, who like to party, but are not drug addicts who go to party in order to get laid. I do not think I could date a introvert who did not like meeting new people, and who did not understand the joy of partying once in a while. I prefer people who are interested in seeing the world, too.
AD1980 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 He wasn't my type just look-wise btw and younger. I know it sounds shallow but I only want to be with guys I'm very attracted to and I went against this standard with him which bothers me. I have no problem in wanting to be with people youre attracted to im the same way but you make it seem like you comitted a crime or something because you made out with some average dude lol
mesmerized Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 No there is a lot of hate. People seem to think that men who have trouble should go after anyone that walks on two legs and has a vagina. Lowering your standards is an advice that is given to both men and women who have dating issues. There are tons of books out there telling women to go for a good enough man and forget about looks. And the hate goes both ways.
Leigh 87 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 So yeah.. I do not know if my standards are high or not??!????? I mean, I do not have a propper job right now and am planning on going back and studying to finish a degree. And I am not that stunning to look at but I am pretty hot to SOME men (whilst plain to others) Yet business men and successfull men still take an interest in me, so it is not that I AIM for "higher" than what I am worth; I guess that I have other attributes that make people like me, in spite of my lack of career or stellar looks. .......Sometimes, if your a great person and not too bad to look at, a good personality can get you far, and get you "above" what it looks like your worth on paper.
yongyong Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 DO NOT talk to American women about your dating standards. They will just bring you down. eg) I had a conversation with a good female friend. I showed her a picture of some non-attractive chick online. (yes somewhat fat and doesn't look feminine) I asked her, she seemed like a nice person but I don't find her attractive. Of course she was saying this typical B.S 'it's about personality'. So I asked her you have this good looking BF (actually better looking than her) so it doesn't sound convincing when you say something like that. (you are dating above your league and you tell other date below their league) Women will talk about how they would want to find a charming guy while telling other guys go for the nasty girls as long as she is a nice girl. Me? I hope other girls eventually meet their 'prince charming'. I wouldn't try to put them down. I wouldn't even bring the guy around her if he doesn't match what she has. it's such an insult to a girl. Can I expect the same from a woman? I can but will they be like that???
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