Lone Blue Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Hi guys, I haven't been around in months - not since the terrible break-up of '12, but anyway, this question is about dating, not break-ups. Recently I started dating a guy friend of mine, we've even become exclusive and we are each other's boyfriend and girlfriend, but despite our relationship having no drama, there is one problem. He's not feeling it the way he should for me. I can understand this considering we've only been dating a month and love takes time, but what I don't understand is why he is staying. I thought he was still hung up on his ex, but even he is, she doesn't want to be with him. He expects a romance where it's fast and furious, I think; the relationships he's had in the past, he's normally had an intense crazy attraction from the get go. These same relationships are the ones where he's been cheated on. We are great friends. We have been for years and the chemistry is there. He says so himself. Yet... something is missing, and ugh, I don't know if this is bad timing or if it's just we're not compatible. I don't understand him. He does anything and everything I ask of him. We discuss things like rational adults. I have never had such a peaceful relationship with someone and he told me the same in relation to me, but it seems we're at slow and steady and he expects something else. Are we just friends dating and having sex? I can be patient, but part of me is saying to break this off and see if he later gets his stuff together and want to be with me 100%. We've discussed breaking up and trying later if it happens, but eh, neither of us ends up wanting to break up. I don't understand this whatsoever. Thoughts?
utterer of lies Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 It's always peaceful and calm when you are not really interested and invested in the other person. 3
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 We've discussed breaking up and trying later if it happens, but eh, neither of us ends up wanting to break up. I don't understand this whatsoever. This ^^ I don't understand whatsoever. How should he feel for you exactly? He seems to be doing everything a nice guy should be doing in a relationship, you said you were exclusive. If something is missing for you, why are you staying?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I would listen to what he's saying. Obviously he's already telling you you'll never be the one, so why are you adamant about staying? When I first got into my current relationship, I was very happy about the status quo. Our relationship proliferated in part due to our almost non-existent arguments. Then we had a huge fight. One, where I had to drag my best friend into to play mediator. The fight caused us to reflect on several things- a relationship can only develop and grow from change. This change comes from being more open and willingness to talk and find ways to better understand each other. What I'm trying to say is, your guy finds the relationship lacking passion. If it's not there, there's no chance to try to force to like you. It'll only end in heartbreak.
Author Lone Blue Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 This ^^ I don't understand whatsoever. How should he feel for you exactly? He seems to be doing everything a nice guy should be doing in a relationship, you said you were exclusive. If something is missing for you, why are you staying? We both like what we have with one another, but whenever we end up thinking about a break-up and are about to go through with it, the other argues against it. He's tried to break it off, I argue; I try to break it off, he argues. I don't feel anything is missing on my part, I feel it's missing on his. My relationships, or rather the love I've felt in them, usually has been slow and steady for me. For him, he's always been one of the ones that falls fast or he expects to fall fast. I felt as if he was falling for me, but then I felt as if he's pulled away. I don't get this whatsoever. I tried to break it off, I've tried pulling away, and every time I do, he reverts to his super affectionate self. I've never had this issue with a man before.
Author Lone Blue Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 UPDATE: We broke up after I found proof he was still hung up on the ex. It wasn't me at all. Oh well. Maybe in the future? If not, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.
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