Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 I love all this advice about taking anger out elsewhere and avoiding contact. I screamed bitch about 30 times today on a bike ride. FURIOUS. It took a lot not to put my fist threw the wall when I seen them.....And I am NOT a angry person at all, but this sh*t has brought out another side to me that I really don't like. Not angry at her, just angry at this whole situation. I want to get back into the gym SO badly. But my shoulder is messed up badly and i'm in rehabilitation for it so that's all I can do, can't go to the gym or anything.
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 (edited) You'll get there though, you have one set up for next weekend already, so that's a great start! Have you tried the dating sites? I'm on a few of them, with no real expectations, but it's nice to meet new people and chat away. Helps you forget about the ex too. Ya i'm on eharmony, went on one date about a month ago and since then stopped. She was into me i'm sure, but I wasn't at all, even though it was dinner and lasted almost 3 hours. I didn't think of my ex during it but all I could think of is this girl is boring, and not attractive at all and after the date I felt worse. My friend also brought out a friend for me a few weeks ago, and again not interested at all so once again it just made me feel worse again. Think i'm going to work on my profile and start talking to some girls again though, see where it goes, it couldn't hurt. Ya I do but honestly, it is more of a girl to have some fun with then a relationship. She seems cool, but not someone to get serious with. Even the date was just going to be casual at my place drinking and then going to a party. Just keep convincing myself in my head that I can't contact her, and that i've told her how I feel and she doesn't care. So hard not to reach out, but I know it's not a good idea. Edited November 4, 2012 by suladas
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 It took a lot not to put my fist threw the wall when I seen them.....And I am NOT a angry person at all, but this sh*t has brought out another side to me that I really don't like. Not angry at her, just angry at this whole situation. I want to get back into the gym SO badly. But my shoulder is messed up badly and i'm in rehabilitation for it so that's all I can do, can't go to the gym or anything. I wouldn't discourse about anger with that member Suladas, his ex has a restraining order against him.
frederickkk Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 It took a lot not to put my fist threw the wall when I seen them.....And I am NOT a angry person at all, but this sh*t has brought out another side to me that I really don't like. Not angry at her, just angry at this whole situation. I want to get back into the gym SO badly. But my shoulder is messed up badly and i'm in rehabilitation for it so that's all I can do, can't go to the gym or anything. been cycling 14 miles and 2 hours of good gym workout. doing it until xmas eve. hello new body. get a computer game and f***king annihilate it.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Ya i'm on eharmony, went on one date about a month ago and since then stopped. She was into me i'm sure, but I wasn't at all, even though it was dinner and lasted almost 3 hours. I didn't think of my ex during it but all I could think of is this girl is boring, and not attractive at all and after the date I felt worse. My friend also brought out a friend for me a few weeks ago, and again not interested at all so once again it just made me feel worse again. Think i'm going to work on my profile and start talking to some girls again though, see where it goes, it couldn't hurt. Ya I do but honestly, it is more of a girl to have some fun with then a relationship. She seems cool, but not someone to get serious with. Even the date was just going to be casual at my place drinking and then going to a party. Just keep convincing myself in my head that I can't contact her, and that i've told her how I feel and she doesn't care. So hard not to reach out, but I know it's not a good idea. I was on Eharmony too for a while, but I kept getting matched with guys who had young kids, even though I indicated that's not what I wanted. I eventually closed my account there. Why not just go on some other sites too, OKCupid or Plenty of Fish...like you said, it really doesn't hurt, as long as you stay guarded, because you never know who's on the other side of that message. The way to start getting over your ex is to meet as many women as possible at this point. Even if you think initially it might just be for fun, it could very well turn into something more meaningful. Keep your options open. And I know how hard it is, I'm tempted to call my ex right now and demand why he disappeared on me and didn't contact me for 4 days...I mean, I know why, he's a coward when it comes to conflict, but he forced me to enforce my deal-breaker and I had to dump him yesterday. I'm very disappointed with him because he abandoned me like that, but I'm not going to contact him, or even put my life on hold for a minute because of him. He's not worth it. Sure, I'm sad, and I'm crying still now and then, but that's as far as it goes.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 suladas, you are looking at this all wrong. Ultimately, this is a good thing for you. Her dating another guy, while not pleasant, should free you from your clingy thoughts you were having. You've said ad nauseum about how you feel your ex secretly wanted to contact you and were holding on to this irrational hope that she would. Allow this incident to free you from this hold she has on you. Allow it to allow you to move on with your life. Now you know that she has definitely moved on, you do the same. And quite frankly, her hooking up with a guy 3-4 months after the break isn't "so soon". In fact, I'm shocked it took her that long. But yeah dude, if this whole saga finally gets it through your head that the relationship is donezo and lets you move on with your life, then you discovering her new man is a good thing.
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 I was on Eharmony too for a while, but I kept getting matched with guys who had young kids, even though I indicated that's not what I wanted. I eventually closed my account there. Why not just go on some other sites too, OKCupid or Plenty of Fish...like you said, it really doesn't hurt, as long as you stay guarded, because you never know who's on the other side of that message. The way to start getting over your ex is to meet as many women as possible at this point. Even if you think initially it might just be for fun, it could very well turn into something more meaningful. Keep your options open. And I know how hard it is, I'm tempted to call my ex right now and demand why he disappeared on me and didn't contact me for 4 days...I mean, I know why, he's a coward when it comes to conflict, but he forced me to enforce my deal-breaker and I had to dump him yesterday. I'm very disappointed with him because he abandoned me like that, but I'm not going to contact him, or even put my life on hold for a minute because of him. He's not worth it. Sure, I'm sad, and I'm crying still now and then, but that's as far as it goes. I was thinking of it, but I guess partly because I know some of my friends are on POF and i'd be quite embarrassed if they seen my profile. Most of them are fine being single, having random ONS, and partying but i'm really tired of partying and stuff and want something serious. They are only on there looking for ONS, so quite different. There was a few good matches, but none responded to me, most though are not even close to what i'm looking for. But I guess I can't complain because my profile isn't to good, nor my picture. I should put some more effort into it. Ya I know it's really hard every once in a while. Feel so detached not having contact with her in 3 months now, yet she's so close. The hardest thing is to think she'd be happy to hear from me, even though I know it's not true, or she would just contact me.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I was thinking of it, but I guess partly because I know some of my friends are on POF and i'd be quite embarrassed if they seen my profile. Most of them are fine being single, having random ONS, and partying but i'm really tired of partying and stuff and want something serious. They are only on there looking for ONS, so quite different. There was a few good matches, but none responded to me, most though are not even close to what i'm looking for. But I guess I can't complain because my profile isn't to good, nor my picture. I should put some more effort into it. Ya I know it's really hard every once in a while. Feel so detached not having contact with her in 3 months now, yet she's so close. The hardest thing is to think she'd be happy to hear from me, even though I know it's not true, or she would just contact me. Why would you be embarrassed if people you know who are already on there know that you are on there? That makes very little sense. Obviously they aren't going to look down on you -- they are doing the same thing you are. Plus, you shouldn't care about such things. Completely irrelevant.
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 suladas, you are looking at this all wrong. Ultimately, this is a good thing for you. Her dating another guy, while not pleasant, should free you from your clingy thoughts you were having. You've said ad nauseum about how you feel your ex secretly wanted to contact you and were holding on to this irrational hope that she would. Allow this incident to free you from this hold she has on you. Allow it to allow you to move on with your life. Now you know that she has definitely moved on, you do the same. And quite frankly, her hooking up with a guy 3-4 months after the break isn't "so soon". In fact, I'm shocked it took her that long. But yeah dude, if this whole saga finally gets it through your head that the relationship is donezo and lets you move on with your life, then you discovering her new man is a good thing. Well it seems soon just because of how long she was single after being seperated, how long she pursued me when she could of given up and went out with someone else, and well I guess to because I haven't hooked up with anyone since. So it just seems like this time it's a lot quicker. I am glad I know, despite how much it hurts. Although I really wish I didn't live next door, then I would of long forgotten about her by now.
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Why would you be embarrassed if people you know who are already on there know that you are on there? That makes very little sense. Obviously they aren't going to look down on you -- they are doing the same thing you are. Plus, you shouldn't care about such things. Completely irrelevant. Because the guys on there are just looking for random ONS, and the girls mostly just for attention. I'm looking for a RS, so it's different.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Well it seems soon just because of how long she was single after being seperated, how long she pursued me when she could of given up and went out with someone else, and well I guess to because I haven't hooked up with anyone since. So it just seems like this time it's a lot quicker. I am glad I know, despite how much it hurts. Although I really wish I didn't live next door, then I would of long forgotten about her by now. The pursuit part of it is completely irrelevant and quite frankly, it surprises me that you took the "I don't want to have a relationship with anyone right now" thing at face value. That's a throwaway statement, kind of like "it's not you, it's me". But anyway, use this to free your mind, not to depress you.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Because the guys on there are just looking for random ONS, and the girls mostly just for attention. I'm looking for a RS, so it's different. Not really. No one cares who's on there and who isn't.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Because the guys on there are just looking for random ONS, and the girls mostly just for attention. I'm looking for a RS, so it's different. Just like in real life. I'm looking for a LTR, and I'm on a few places. You have to go through a lot of getting to know situations sometimes before you meet someone who wants to have a relationship with you. OLD seems to be a good method to meet lots more people. Worst case, you practice your social skills, that's how I'm looking at it. 1
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 The pursuit part of it is completely irrelevant and quite frankly, it surprises me that you took the "I don't want to have a relationship with anyone right now" thing at face value. That's a throwaway statement, kind of like "it's not you, it's me". But anyway, use this to free your mind, not to depress you. The reason is, she was always honest with me and really i've never heard someone use that before? Plus she is smart enough to know i'd eventually notice when she started seeing someone new. I don't see what there is to gain by saying it? So that's why I took it to mean something. It was largely due to lack of time, and I knew it was at least partly true.
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Just like in real life. I'm looking for a LTR, and I'm on a few places. You have to go through a lot of getting to know situations sometimes before you meet someone who wants to have a relationship with you. OLD seems to be a good method to meet lots more people. Worst case, you practice your social skills, that's how I'm looking at it. Ya I guess, I could definitely work on them. I know it's also partly because i'm shy and not overly comfortable when meeting new people and get really quiet, especially 1 on 1 like that, so a familiar situation is much better. But then again talking to women online should at least lessen my urge to contact her.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 The reason is, she was always honest with me and really i've never heard someone use that before? Plus she is smart enough to know i'd eventually notice when she started seeing someone new. I don't see what there is to gain by saying it? So that's why I took it to mean something. It was largely due to lack of time, and I knew it was at least partly true. She said it because it sounds nicer than "I don't like you anymore". And it's about as cliche as there is in the dating game, besides the already mentioned "It's not you, it's me."
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 She said it because it sounds nicer than "I don't like you anymore". And it's about as cliche as there is in the dating game, besides the already mentioned "It's not you, it's me." Weird. What she actually said was. After being single for so long I had forgotten how much it takes to be in a relationship and it's to much for me to handle, and that she was spending to much time away from her kids and was going back to how things were before when her life was all about them. Maybe it is cliche, but it doesn't seem like it to me.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Weird. What she actually said was. After being single for so long I had forgotten how much it takes to be in a relationship and it's to much for me to handle, and that she was spending to much time away from her kids and was going back to how things were before when her life was all about them. Maybe it is cliche, but it doesn't seem like it to me. That's how she felt three months ago. People grow and change all the time, so she's different now, doesn't mean she might not have meant it back then.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Weird. What she actually said was. After being single for so long I had forgotten how much it takes to be in a relationship and it's to much for me to handle, and that she was spending to much time away from her kids and was going back to how things were before when her life was all about them. Maybe it is cliche, but it doesn't seem like it to me. She fed you a line. If she wanted to make it work with you, she would have even if she was on the level with all of that.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 She fed you a line. If she wanted to make it work with you, she would have even if she was on the level with all of that. It could have been a line, you will never really know. But in the end...the reason doesn't matter at all. She doesn't want to be with you anymore, so accept it and move on. It's all you can do. Or you can choose to be miserable. Personally I don't know why anyone would choose misery over happiness.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 It could have been a line, you will never really know. But in the end...the reason doesn't matter at all. She doesn't want to be with you anymore, so accept it and move on. It's all you can do. Or you can choose to be miserable. Personally I don't know why anyone would choose misery over happiness. The bolded is all that matters. You are exactly right. The rest of it is colored bubbles.
River Rain Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 The bolded is all that matters. You are exactly right. The rest of it is colored bubbles. And just way too much overthinking, overanalyzing that leads to tortured emotions and a big hit to the self-esteem. 1
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 The bolded is all that matters. You are exactly right. The rest of it is colored bubbles. Ya I know it doesn't make any difference in the end she doesn't want to be with me, I have just been grasping at things for hope for way to long. I don't want to be miserable, I want to be happy and at times I still am but at the same time as much as I try i'm still having times were I feel awful. It's not all bad, up until yesterday I was doing pretty well, and I bet in a few days I will be back to where I was before this setback. But at the same time i'm not going to sit around and mop about it forever, i'm going to keep trying to meet someone new and do what I can to improve myself.
Author suladas Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 If the fact that she dumped you only after 2 months of dating you and she is now dating / sleeping with someone else doesn't convince you that she doesn't like / want you.... what will? I wish I knew. A really small part of me still thinks there's another explanation for the guy, even though I know i'm a idiot for thinking that.... So ya I wish I knew what would do it.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I wish I knew. A really small part of me still thinks there's another explanation for the guy, even though I know i'm a idiot for thinking that.... So ya I wish I knew what would do it. The guy doesn't matter. He's irrelevant. The only thing that's relevant is that you and her didn't work.
Recommended Posts