Can't Shake the anger?

[Sokar23]

Hey all been broke up with my ex gf for 3 months now and 3 months no contact. I am 23 she is 20 and she cheated on me with a 15 year old after a 3 year relationship. I could write a book but basically I treated her like a princess helped her with money, took her places spent all my time with her etc etc. She, after the first year (I guess our honeymoon period) started living on her phone and the more I tried to get her attention the more she pulled away, I put up with it out of love and she convinced me that all these guys who were messaging her were just 'friends' and I was a controlling, jealous guy etc even though no matter what I did with her she would be on her phone even straight away after sex she would start texting and facebooking again.

 

I found messages off this 15 year old to her and confronted her then she dumped me saying she was fed up of me accusing her even though she got with that guy 2 days after we broke up, funny how that works. I have blocked her on facebook and removed any trace of our relationship but still although I realise it is early days I can't shake the anger of how things have turned out when I gave my heart and soul to her and she gave nothing, seems more and more that at the start of every relationship you make the same promises and commitments, try your best to make your partner feel special but as soon as the honeymoon period is over and effort needs to be put in people can't be bothered then it is downhill from there.

 

I am more mature than my age but I can't see how eg my parents and there friends have been married 25 years + yet now 3 years seems to be the average so I guess my question is what went wrong with the world and how am I supposed to trust again. I spend everyday even when I am at work or with friends angry about my life and does not seem like I can cheer myself up just wish I knew what I am supposed to do, thanks all

[River Rain]

That's rough. But you have to somehow release that anger because it's only hurting you now. She doesn't care if you're angry or resentful right? Our parents generation didn't have the plague of the internet and social media to eff up their relationships. To trust again, you just have to. It's a choice, and not an easy one.

 

I've been burned, as we all have. But I shook it off, I'm leaving the baggage behind and following the idea to "love like you've never been hurt". It's something you have to always work on because it's too easy to let insecurity and past relationships infect the new ones.

 

And I did that, I went back into the relationship with a fresh heart, so to speak, and got burned again...but I refuse to give up. I know that dating and trying to find my man is going to involve risk and heartache...but I don't want to carry the past hurts along with me in life anymore, it's such a waste of time and serves no purpose. Well, the only purpose I see it serving is to help you learn from your mistakes. Like in your case, you were too giving when she was acting childish with the phone, and you put up with it. Now you've built a new standard, any girl you're with in the future who exhibits this behaviour...that's a red flag.

 

Personally, I look for the "old school" type of guys, the ones who don't even have cell phones! That's rare though

[xdahliax]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know how hard it is to lose someone's affection and to be betrayed. On the bright side, you can do much better than this girl. She was inconsiderate of your feelings. She's also with a 15 year old, which is actually illegal and in my opinion disgusting. It should make you feel better to know that this girl is making a major mistake and (judging from her lack of common sense) will continue on that trend well after you're over her. When you're over this, you'll be able to find a real woman that can make you feel good about yourself, loved, and help make you a better person.

[Sokar23]

Thanks for the replies I guess I do need to find away to let go of the anger and make a huge effort to stop thinking about things. The fact it is a 15 year old is sickening and obviously will not end well but that's no longer anything to do with me what she does with her life I guess I am angry at myself because looking back I know the relationship was terrible and she didn't deserve me at all yet I still keep focusing on her. There is an older woman interested in me she is 30 but its hard to date her because I am still bitter I know they say dobt date till your completely over your ex but if I do that then I lose my chance with this woman

 

I would also prefer old school if I met a girl who didn't use Facebook or have bbm I think I would fall head over heals just because of that lol anyways one day at a time I guess it can only get better!

[River Rain]

Thanks for the replies I guess I do need to find away to let go of the anger and make a huge effort to stop thinking about things. The fact it is a 15 year old is sickening and obviously will not end well but that's no longer anything to do with me what she does with her life I guess I am angry at myself because looking back I know the relationship was terrible and she didn't deserve me at all yet I still keep focusing on her. There is an older woman interested in me she is 30 but its hard to date her because I am still bitter I know they say dobt date till your completely over your ex but if I do that then I lose my chance with this woman

 

I would also prefer old school if I met a girl who didn't use Facebook or have bbm I think I would fall head over heals just because of that lol anyways one day at a time I guess it can only get better!

 

You can go on a date with the 30-year old, but just remember it could be a rebound for you, so be honest with her at the beginning about just coming off a breakup, you don't want to hurt her in the process.

 

I personally think that dating and meeting new people is fine after a breakup. In my case, I broke up yesterday and I'm on the dating sites right now. Mind you, this is the second breakup between me and the ex, so I guess I'm bouncing back a lot quicker this time. I'm not wasting my life pining over what could have been. I can grieve in my own way and still get to know people who might potentially be a good partner.

 

I DID find a guy who had no cell phone!!! I met him a few weeks back, but haven't kept in touch with him because of the ex. I just sent him an email, I do hope he's still interested!

[Sokar23]

You can go on a date with the 30-year old, but just remember it could be a rebound for you, so be honest with her at the beginning about just coming off a breakup, you don't want to hurt her in the process.

 

I personally think that dating and meeting new people is fine after a breakup. In my case, I broke up yesterday and I'm on the dating sites right now. Mind you, this is the second breakup between me and the ex, so I guess I'm bouncing back a lot quicker this time. I'm not wasting my life pining over what could have been. I can grieve in my own way and still get to know people who might potentially be a good partner.

 

I DID find a guy who had no cell phone!!! I met him a few weeks back, but haven't kept in touch with him because of the ex. I just sent him an email, I do hope he's still interested!

 

That's exactly what I dont want to do pine for something that isn't going to happen and also pining for something I wasn't happy with anyway. You found a.guy without a mobile phone? He is surely a keeper haha good luck to you

 

I have told the 30 year old about my situation but she is still quite pushy and talks about our potential future which I struggle to even think about because I'm still thinking about the days which have gone not the ones that are coming, I certainly need.to switch my thinking around no sense living for what has already disappeared

[River Rain]

That's exactly what I dont want to do pine for something that isn't going to happen and also pining for something I wasn't happy with anyway. You found a.guy without a mobile phone? He is surely a keeper haha good luck to you

 

I have told the 30 year old about my situation but she is still quite pushy and talks about our potential future which I struggle to even think about because I'm still thinking about the days which have gone not the ones that are coming, I certainly need.to switch my thinking around no sense living for what has already disappeared

 

Thanks, fingers crossed

 

If you told the 30-year old about your situation and she still wants to see you, then what's the harm? I mean, if she's too pushy and you're uncomfortable that's a different story though.

 

I try to live by the carpe diem philosophy in all areas of my life. Doesn't mean I don't feel sadness or that sting of rejection, but just that I won't allow it to put my life on hold for too long.

[Sokar23]

Thanks, fingers crossed

 

If you told the 30-year old about your situation and she still wants to see you, then what's the harm? I mean, if she's too pushy and you're uncomfortable that's a different story though.

 

I try to live by the carpe diem philosophy in all areas of my life. Doesn't mean I don't feel sadness or that sting of rejection, but just that I won't allow it to put my life on hold for too long.

 

I am a little bit uncomfortable with her because when I say full on she is saying things like I'm the best thing that has ever happened to her etc yet I hardly know her and she doesn't know a lot about me but on the other hand I haven't exactly got anymore to lose so I should just go with the flow for once instead of worrying about it just dobt want to hurt her because it isn't in my nature.

 

Thing with rejection I guess we have to learn that its a fact of life but it seems

 

.that the people we think we want aren't really the best choices when it comes down to it

[Daniel V. Ross]

Do not let anger to overpower your emotion. Shift your attention to the things that would help you to recover from it.