Hannahh93 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 2 years about 4 months ago because he cheated on me on multiple occasions. It broke my heart, I loved him so much and from then, until recently we still had contact and met up for dates a few times just because I couldnt let go of him. I fell for him all over again and we talked about making a proper go of things as we still had alot of feelings for each other. However, as soon as I started University, he decided it was too hard to make anything work between us, basically I was too much effort. I hated myself for letting him back into my life and hurting me all over again. I was in such a dark place because of him. He's now in a relationship with a 16 year old (he's 21) and seems just as happy as he was with me. This was the kick I needed, I blocked him on facebook and deleted his number because I knew it was time to move on with my life and stop feeling so depressed. It was a big step for me, but now I just feel so numb and empty. Anybody new that comes into my life I just can't open up to. Don't get me wrong, I get excited to date them but as soon as I meet them it's just emptyness. There's a guy who's popped into my life right now and he's everything you could want in someone. He wouldn't treat me badly like my ex did and he's caring, funny, good looking etc. The parents love him. Yet when it comes to it, I just feel nothing and it's the same with any one else who has come into my life since my ex. I really want to be able to feel for him but I just can't. Yet my ex boyfriend can get in a relationship pretty much straight away, and seem so happy and in love. I'm so scared that I'll never feel the way I did about my ex for anyone else. I want that exciting, butterfly feeling in your stomach but it seems like I'll never get it. Is it normal to feel like this? Will I ever get that deep intense feeling back for someone new? I can't decide if it's because I'm still holding onto the past and the deep feelings I had for my ex or if I'm just scared to start something new. The most frustrating part is that i'm 100% certain these feelings would come rushing back if my ex was a part of my life again. But he's not and never will be. It's like i'm holding myself back from happiness, yet I can't seem to feel any emotions for anyone else.
KatZee Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 You have to be gentle with yourself here. The guy you loved more than anything betrayed you more than once. And this just happened 4 months ago. You don't need to be in a rush to date, because I'm going to tell you that you're not ready. You'll only be setting yourself up for a rebound situation. It can take a year or more to recover from infidelity. It's a huge blow to your ego. You have a lot of emotions and things to sort through on your own before you can consider dating again, so don't string this guy along. Tell him he's a great guy but you're not ready to be with anyone just yet. You'll thank yourself in the end for taking this time for yourself, instead of letting something blow up in your face. I doubt your ex is "so happy" as you portray him. He cheated multiple times with no regard for your feelings. He's selfish. Immature. He has no real grasp as to what love is. He's just jumping to the next warm body he can stick it in. The issue is within himself, and is most likely deeply unhappy on the inside despite his outward appearance. He cheated on you, and he'll cheat on her. Past actions indicate future behavior. Don't be jealous of this 16 year old girl. Pity her. Because she's picking up your used garbage. He's not going to be an awesome boyfriend to her, he's going to use her and he'll wind up screwing up her life as well. You know you deserve better... you just have to cut the cord of emotional attachment.
CMH309 Posted November 6, 2012 Posted November 6, 2012 I understand what you are going through. I had an ex very much like yours and in the end he cheated on me (for the last time) with someone 15 years younger... They are still together (2 years later) and I haven't had a relationship with anyone since, I just don't feel it.... Until recently, I started dating a guy and he just left a relationship because she cheated on him... Guess what? He thought I was "perfect on paper" but couldn't feel a "spark". It's so trite to say, but work on loving you again. It's a huge blow to the ego and it takes so long but in the end it is worth it. Promise!
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