robaday Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Went on a first date with someone last night, the first since my break up two months ago. My confidence has taken a hit recently, but finally decided to get back out there. Conversation was really good, non-stop talking all night, loads of shared interests, loads of good stories, mutual friends etc. Had great meal on top which she clearly enjoyed. She came back to my apartment and this is where it went slightly wrong. I couldnt keep an erection (had drunk quite a bit, but also my confidence hasnt been great). We did eventually have sex but the memory has bothered me today. Would a woman hold that against me? It happens normally when its with a new person for the first time - I normally have no problems the second time......
mesmerized Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 It really depends how much she likes you and is attracted to you. 1
sweetkiwi Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 well you'll never know unless you try again!! But if it were me i wouldn't hold it against you. If i liked you. But i don't have sex on first dates so maybe she didn't have time to develop real feelings? Most women think its their fault anyway.
xdahliax Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Possibly. Probably not. You'll know soon enough if you contact her.
rocketman122 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 womans POV is fine but performance anxiety is a problem for many men. I had a big problem with my current GF in the beginning. I was very intimidated by her. not anymore. the tables are actually turned now, but anyways, the first 4 times I got naked with her was a disaster.. 4 times! can you imagine the stress building up session after session? she dumped me and I tried to convince her it was not her (well yeah it was but in a good way) and explained I never met anyone like her and I respected her. she simply intimidated me. it didnt do any good. I saw her 2 weeks later back OLD and sent her a message and she had feelings for me and I convinced her to give me a chance. I was/am very attracted to her and we met up again. we went to lunch and went back to her place and gave her a marathon fkking she didnt forget for a good long time. I was dripping sweat..well, like I ran a marathon. doing a helicopter with her haha! 1-I wasnt with a woman for 2 years (my choice) and its hard to get back into it since youre spanking your monkey for so long and then it feels different with a woman. 2-I was intimidated by her. she was a vp of a big hitech company. I dont know why the hell this is but all those I dated make tons of money. 3-the problem was all in my mind. after the break I turned my mind off and literally saw her as a sex object to be used for my own self satisfaction. I dont do that now, but I had to be able to break the curse. you want to but your mind gets in the way. and then salami man doesnt cooperate. 4-every single time the lovemaking was too late for me to be a stud. I know my body shuts down from the waist down from 10 and by 12, its not the same as if it were 8pm or even in the morning or afternoon. we were doing it at 1pm sometimes and its too late for me. sometimes when I have a hard day I simply cant perform when its late and after just an hour of sleep I wake up like an animal.
pathetic1999 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I think she will just be pleased that you called her back after sex so soon!
River Rain Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 When a woman understands about performance anxiety, she won't hold it against you for not being able to keep your erection. I was in a situation like that with a bf, I didn't think at all it was because of me, but I helped him relax and feel comfortable and it was never an issue again. If you're with her again and it happens, maybe slow things down and increase the foreplay until you're very comfortable and relaxed about the sex. And be honest too, she may want to help you out more than you think 2
bac Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Went on a first date with someone last night, the first since my break up two months ago. My confidence has taken a hit recently, but finally decided to get back out there. Conversation was really good, non-stop talking all night, loads of shared interests, loads of good stories, mutual friends etc. Had great meal on top which she clearly enjoyed. She came back to my apartment and this is where it went slightly wrong. I couldnt keep an erection (had drunk quite a bit, but also my confidence hasnt been great). We did eventually have sex but the memory has bothered me today. Would a woman hold that against me? It happens normally when its with a new person for the first time - I normally have no problems the second time...... Did she see you as an ONS? Why would she have sex on the first date? IMO If she typically has sex on the first dates, she might have flaws/problems much more serious than your performance anxiety.
Avulare Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 As a woman, all I can say is that if you like her, assure her it was just the alcohol/nerves that prevented you from maintaining an erection. One time with my FWB he lost his erection during sex and couldn't get it back (despite oral and stuff) - he assured me it was because he was just hungover from partying the day before, but it was still a huge blow to my self confidence. I felt like I might as well have weighed 300lbs because I wasn't enough to keep him hard. He could maintain an erection perfectly all the other times before and after that, but still, it definitely stung for a while. A woman wouldn't hold it against you, if anything she'd hold it against herself, especially if she really likes you.
Author robaday Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 cheers for replies! yeah it happens when its a new person, i dont suffer from it in relationships or once ive started dating someone properly, but yeah it has happened quite a few times on one night stands. To the poster who expressed surprise the girl had sex on the first date - it happens way more than you think! girls who dont have sex on first dates is much less common! probably 7 out of 10 girls are willing to have sex on first dates.....but then again that could just be the ones im meeting:laugh:
todreaminblue Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Went on a first date with someone last night, the first since my break up two months ago. My confidence has taken a hit recently, but finally decided to get back out there. Conversation was really good, non-stop talking all night, loads of shared interests, loads of good stories, mutual friends etc. Had great meal on top which she clearly enjoyed. She came back to my apartment and this is where it went slightly wrong. I couldnt keep an erection (had drunk quite a bit, but also my confidence hasnt been great). We did eventually have sex but the memory has bothered me today. Would a woman hold that against me? It happens normally when its with a new person for the first time - I normally have no problems the second time...... you arent th eonly one....a lot of guys have problems when they enter a new relationship the first time they make love......premature ejeculation, unable to maintain an erection(performance anxiety) you have to know that most of the time the woman in question is probably as nervous as you are.....and if that woman has any experience at all in the lovemaking department she would realize this is a common occurrence....performance anxiety is a big hit for men not to perform..especially going in with the knowledge the woman has been with others..confidence falls in this realm.......if she holds it against you she wasnt serious about you and has not had much experience herself....... that woman that expects a first time with a new partner to be earth shattering hasnt had many first time experiences and no investment in a relationship with you....i wish you well with a woman who knows the difference between reality and mills and boon.....deb 2
FitChick Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Most of these problems men have with getting or maintaining an erection wouldn't exist if they gradually increased their erotic activity over a few dates, to the point where you are both ripping each others clothes off. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am doesn't strike me as particularly exciting.
Author robaday Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Thing is FitChick you never know if you will see them again so if there is the opportunity of sex you take it - I get it might not be exciting to you on the first date, but Ive had mixed experiences before. One girl told me she didnt have sex on the first date but still invited me home....I respected it....she then did a disappearing act didnt reply to my attempt for a second date- part of me wonders if it was because I passively agreed and didnt try and have sex with her Another girl I was seeing also invited me home on four different occasions- but didnt want to have sex. After the 4th time I just figured she wasnt interested. When I stopped inviting her out she insinuated I was only after sex.....which isnt really the truth of it, I just didnt think she was that into me.
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