summer077 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Hey, I'm posting here because for 2 years I've felt like crap, for lack of a better word, every day and am hoping that here I may finally get some advice which can be of some use. I have still not recovered from a breakup which happened two years ago - I feel that this is is ridiculous and I think I'm just as a crazy as every one else, but I can't help feeling this way. Two years ago I left for vacation with my parents, leaving my amazing, caring boyfriend behind for a couple of weeks. He had just bought me a ring (as a gift, not a promise ring persay), we had plans to move-in together in about 6 months time and I was head over heels. When I returned from my trip I immediately went to visit him with gifts - I walked into his house and he didn't look at me, instead he said "we have to talk". At first I thought he had figured I had done something on vacation, instead he said "it's over" - despite wanting answers he left it at that. It was cold-blooded and unexpected, I honestly had figured he was just having a bad week and I would hear from him within the day; I didn't. He told me he was moving over sea's with his father who had left him at age 8 and that it wasn't personal, that someday he would come back and we could start over. I believed this and felt selfish for having a reaction to him wanting to, for the first time in a long time, bond with his father. We cried together and he repeated while bawling "i dont want to do this, you dont understand". It confuses me to this day as to why this had to happen if he himself seemed more upset about it than I did. Nothing "had" to happen - I dwell on this fact to this day. Two weeks later I found out he had cheated on me while I was on vacation with a girl about 10 years older than me who he worked with at a bar part time. I felt betrayed and sick to my stomach. I couldn't function for nearly two weeks, my reaction to this breakup was one of the most traumatizing affects of the breakup. I found out a month and a half later that she had gotten pregnant. He moved in with her, they had the baby and now live happily ever after in a house with their new child and her toddler from a previous relationship. I haven't dated since. I treated this man like gold and would have given him my life if he needed it - this was a girl who he worked with and who was also cheating on her partner. I am working on degree's right now and plan on being successful, I am full of ambition and positive qualities. I am bitter and jealous that this woman gets to have everything with him that I wanted for she had done nothing to deserve it and is half the person I aspire to be. I haven't spoken with him in two years but I think about him everyday - oddly enough in a favourable light. I think about all of the good times, of which there were many before this mess. I can't help but feel that if life were a pre-determined set of cards that this wasn't in it - that somewhere along the line an awful mistake was made which changed things that shouldn't have been changed. I'm an educated person and I don't necessarily believe in "fate", but I do honestly think sometimes that this man was my soul mate and that no one will replace them. I am sick of feeling this way. I am sick of being looked at like an obsessive psychopath because I haven't moved on it (not because I contact him, her etc). I want to be happy and move on, but I am so consumed with questions and memories that I can't let go. I have tried - I have moved across the country since, I have tried to do things for "me", I have tried telling myself that this is better but it isn't. Everyone in my life minus my very young cousins are in relationships. I feel like I'm getting to a point in my life where relationships with a partner start to become more prominent than "best friends for life" relationships. I am busy - I work 2 jobs and am a full time university student. I don't necessarily have time for a lot of socializing with friends, like many of my coworkers and friends. But they have a significant other to watch a movie with at night, or to call and chat or to just hug. What to do and how to do it....
LostOne1 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I can't help but feel that if life were a pre-determined set of cards that this wasn't in it - that somewhere along the line an awful mistake was made which changed things that shouldn't have been changed. I know that feeling. I felt that too.. I mean one thing with my ex was that she had to go on a work trip for 2 months. That distance killed our relationship. It always made me wonder what if she didn't have to go, or if I contacted her more often or what if she didn't have roomates. We feel like one little thing comes in the way in our relationship and just destroys it and takes all the good things away so easily. You look at a relationship working so hard for 3 years, but within say 2 weeks.. it's all over. I guess life and fate isn't fair. For your case I'd let the guy go somehow. Sure he cheated and all and it feels like he get's the life he wanted without you. But there might be something better for you. And no one good like you deserves a cheater.. trust me. My ex told me she was with someone else.. even though it might have been a lie out of anger. But no person deserves to go through that ever. It's sad that people cheat, but I guess this is how things are these days. People bail out of relationships to easily. That's why the divorce rate is so high these days and only increasing.
LostOne1 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I forgot to add to this question: I work 2 jobs and am a full time university student. I don't necessarily have time for a lot of socializing with friends, like many of my coworkers and friends. But they have a significant other to watch a movie with at night, or to call and chat or to just hug. I feel the same way but only been BU for 3 months almost. You have to realize you don't NEED it all. You DONT NEED someone to watch a movie with you or hug you. I understand we all want to be loved, I know because I see a couple on the bus hugging and it reminds me of my ex and myself. But I tell myself I don't need it. I mean how many people are out there right now single that don't have someone. Not all of them are miserable and not all need a partner. The thing is you and I are addicting to something we had and that felt good. But we lost it and now it feels like we need it again. But the thing is we technically don't need it to survive. You will still eat, work, think, breathe, push hard at school etc.. no matter what because you don't need another. See my father and I had a good man to man talk. And one thing he told me was that no person should build their plans with someone else. That you should build and toughen and settle your OWN self first. And then look for a partner, because then you will have the strength to make it work. Your still a student and trust me 2 jobs and a student and then wanting a relationship is going to drive you crazy. One reason why I am feeling better and I think my ex is too, is because we had uni school stress. And now with us not having to spend our time on each other we spend it on uni and other things. I guess that's how my ex got over me so fast. It's tough but honestly.. you need to tell yourself that YOU need to get somewhere in life before you look for someone. And that you don't need someone, you can push it on right now for the next year just with yourself. Be happy with who you are and you will always be happy.
Author summer077 Posted November 3, 2012 Author Posted November 3, 2012 Wow thank you so much that! I think I knew all of that subconsciously but sometimes it's easy to focus on all of the bad rather than the good. I guess I also need to switch out of the mindset that me having 2 jobs + going to school is somehow less of a life than what he has when really I'm privileged. thank you
LostOne1 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Sorry to hear that... I never get why when we lose communication even for say 2 weeks. That our partner can cheat on us? Can't people even control themselves for 2 weeks? If you love someone can't you wait for them if they have to go away for a trip or work etc... it feels so unfair these days that someone in 2 weeks can do so much damage. I'm sorry you had to go through with it. I wish people didn't but it's the sad part of some humans. I guess that's why some girl once told me a couple needs to talk daily... if they don't things break down and the relationship falls. Kinda like my ex who always had to talk to be daily for a few hours... or otherwise it was as if I didn't love her and it made her mad.
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