Should I take my ex-best friend back?

[birdstealingbread]

My best friend of four years and I had a fight a few months ago in which I ended the friendship - in fact, I cut off communication totally, telling her never to speak to me again.

 

The fight revolved around a year's worth of pent-up frustrations. I spent a year setting aside my needs for my best friend. She had some pretty big problems herself: her family moved to another continent, she had a rocky long-distance relationship that ended earlier this year, etc.

 

I tried to be very sympathetic and giving, to the point of driving a couple hundred miles to visit her several weekends, letting her stay at my house during breaks, and spending hours comforting her on the phone and messenger.

 

But over time I saw that I was giving a LOT and all she ever did was take, take, take. I was made to feel my own problems were nothing. Nothing I could say or do ever made a difference - even she admitted that she consciously refused to be happy. Her misery was poisoning my life and perceptions. After one of our increasingly routine disagreements, I cut ties.

 

I was tired and angry and sad, but proud I finally stood up for myself. Our other friends congratulated me, and I have spent the summer hanging out with them. Our two former friends hung out almost exclusively with each other. Both would come up from time to time, and I found myself retelling stories about them fondly, as you might about someone who'd moved away or died a long time ago.

 

Recently a message from my former best friend popped up in my inbox, apologising profusely for her behavior this past year, saying she realised how horrid she'd been to everyone, particularly me, and that she missed me and still considered me her best friend, and couldn't we be friends again?

 

I realise how difficult it must have been for her to put aside her pride and write me, but I am unfortunately not a very trusting person - with good reason! Do you think she is sincere? My mum intimated that perhaps she is only apologising in order to get back "in" with our group of friends, who virtually abandoned her for me.

 

I never found myself missing her these past two months. I think that's strange? You should miss your best friend, if she really is your best friend. At the end, though, she was more a burden, and I had our other friends to fall back on.

 

I'd like to believe that she really is sorry and that if she has changed, we could put the past year behind us and resume what used to be a fantastic friendship. Does that seem a good idea, or might she just revert to her old ways? Has this ever happened to anyone else, and what did you do?

[pitprincess]

I have many friends..

I have many friends that meet my friends and then seem to move on down the line leaving me behind as the one that was set alone on the steps.

It hurts me like there is no tomorrow.

 

I am a very well known person around my home town. All my friends come from my long line of racing at the local race track so I know many people but more know me then I know.

But when I make friends it seems like my friends i meet only want to meet everyone else I know then its away with me and own to the new friends I have let them meet of mine.

This is a problem that I have to. I dont understand it..

My Best friend moved away a few years ago but she is still in the same state as I. We still talk and never have we ever been where either of us had went a year with out talking at all.

If you made it though a year of no talking to one another then how can that title of Best friend remain when a year has past and they arnt in your life any longer.

 

I dont know about missing someone over that period of time because I havent ever been there...

I would think that not missing the "friend" she once was is telling you what your looking for.

Just my opionion and I dont mean to offend anyone.

 

I hope you found a new friend that loves you for who you are and wants to be by your side through thick and thin like mine is and has been for 31 years.

I am 38 :)

 

There arnt alot of people I know that has a friend for as long as I have had my best friend that I charrish

[catlover]

I know what its like to give your friendship to someone who took, took, took and take more...whom your thought was your best friend and then to have them only later on stomp on you and totally disregard and disrepect you. I had this happen to me in just last month. I know extactly the emotional pain you went though. Its hard to know that someone you love so much can just be so damn cold to you.

 

Anyway...I say if you want to take your former best friend back then she is going to have to work (and I mean REALLY WORK HARD) at regaining your friendship and trust back!! Make her work this time, and if she is not willing to, then you know its not worth your time; just move on. You will have plenty of friends in your life that are better then her and treat you with the respect and consideration you deserve.

 

Good luck, and keep me posted!

[dudesomewhere]

I might be going through something like this...I don't know whether it's wise to be such a friend or not but I have chosen to become a steadfast friend. A friend that will be like a mononlith against an imposing environment.

 

Because I have weighed all the consequences and benefits and all the hardships I might endure I have come to my own conclusion.

 

It may be one of the greatest challenges in my life. It is one thing to feel the negative effects after a friendship has waned but it's another to realize beforehand those hardships and to accept the road ahead. It is almost like anticipating how difficult a challenge may be but welcoming it. You succeed no matter what the outcome because the challenge is so great and it's solution already laid before you...the only decision is to make that step.