dannyhep Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 hi. so me and my ex are talking again 2 months after we broke up. she has told me she loves me and wants to be with me. My ex had not done anything with anybody until she met me and we were together for 2 years. Turns out that during the freshers week of university she had a threesome with two guys. she tells me she really regrets it and hates herself for it. she said she needed to make mistakes to understand what she really wants (which she says is me). i don't know how to go about it. its the thought that something that is so precious to me did that. how should i react to this and where do i go next?
TopCat22 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Well I guess technically she did nothing wrong as you were broken up and she's free to do what she wants... however... I'd find it very hard to get back with someone after knowing that. I think it's really down to your own threshold for that sort of thing.
Sav Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 if you're posting about it here, I deduce you're not comfortable with the idea of it. If you're not comfortable with it, do not go through with it. If not the relationship will end up in shambles again because there will always be that issue that bothers you.
Author dannyhep Posted November 3, 2012 Author Posted November 3, 2012 I don't know. I know I do love her and I never stoped loving her. And I also know that she isn't like that and maybe she was in abit of a dark place when she did it. Its just rotting away at me though. I want to just erase the memory and the thoughts I keep having
Sav Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Although she was free to do whatever she wanted because you guys weren't together, you will not be able to fully function well in a relationship if you're not 100% comfortable with her past. It will keep bugging you if you guys are together and it will definitely be the catalyst of many arguments between you guys. You said it's just rotting away at you and you keep thinking about it. Do you think you will be truly happy if you get together? I really dont know, it's something only you can answer but based on my personal experience, I keep getting mad at them for no reason because i cant fully accept their past :\
Author dannyhep Posted November 3, 2012 Author Posted November 3, 2012 Could there be a way of making myself accept it? I know she is not that kind of person. I do want it to work with her
TopCat22 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I think if you truly love her then you should be able to forgive all her mistakes. But if you have any doubts about this at all then don't do it, you'll forever be picturing it and will end up resenting her. It's the sort of thing that you would never really want to find out. Some things are best left as secrets.
Sav Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 A way of making yourself accept it? I can't say, it's really up to you and your beliefs. But I know I can't accept it, and hard as it is, I won't
Frank13 Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Turns out that during the freshers week of university she had a threesome with two guys. A girl who needs two guys at the same time is never going to be happy with just one. Just mu opinion.
CptSaveAho Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 A girl who needs two guys at the same time is never going to be happy with just one. Just mu opinion. LOL.... this is the dumbest thing ive ever read on the forum........... Do you live a boring life and never tried anything new?
sunbeam Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 I'm going through something similar. At the end of the day she was single, you were broken up-both free to do as you please. People deal with pain/hurt in strange ways. She was most likely drunk and just wanting to forget the pain and hurt for a while. It clearly means nothing to her if she regrets it. Don't let your pride stand in the way of love, I know it's taken a massive blow, but life isn't a fairy tale. People make mistakes. You've got to give yourself a bit of time to get used to this new information, you're still in shock. One day it will ease and it will be a distant memory of something that happened whilst you weren't even together. It's not cheating, just poor drunken judgement. She's with you, not out there banging other guys! If you honestly feel like you can't get past it, get out now before it gets too messy.
Author dannyhep Posted November 4, 2012 Author Posted November 4, 2012 Thanks for the advice . Its really appreciate it and it is helping
Frank13 Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 LOL.... this is the dumbest thing ive ever read on the forum........... Do you live a boring life and never tried anything new? It looks like I hit a nerve with you! So unless everyone does threesomes, they have a boring life? So if someone isn't gay or bi, they live a boring life if they never tried being with the same sex? Sounds like you have some perversions that make you feel insecure. If you are into perversions, you should keep that to yourself and not make it obvious by attacking someone for their opinion. Most people would consider her a whore. The op has a problem with it. Other people are replying to him, but you felt the need to attack someone's opinion. Get help.
ForeverlovingRami Posted November 7, 2012 Posted November 7, 2012 Well if she does that kinda stuff when she's drunk, imagine what would happen next time? I wouldent lower myself just to give it a shot, dude theres PLENTY of other "precious" girls out there, and yours just got dirty! Ure call, ure shot. Id back down but that's just me!
hutch Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 I say if you love her like you say you do then its your call. Her admitting that to you had to be hard for her also. The real question isn't can you forget about what she did but can you forgive her for what she did. You guys were not together at the time and both of you were still healing from the breakup and sh*+ happens. She probably wasn't in the right state of mind when it happened and we all know how that goes. Nor does this make her a whore or anything else. Im sure the two guys involved didn't try talking her out of it or tell her it was a bad idea. Follow your heart and if you can forgive then move forward with her. If you can't forgive then move on.
Tara247 Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 Could there be a way of making myself accept it? I know she is not that kind of person. I do want it to work with her She is that kind of person. I woman that is not that kind of person would not allow herself to do something like that. 1
AlexDP Posted November 8, 2012 Posted November 8, 2012 The only way to get over this is have her arrange a foursome (FFFM) for you. She can be one of the three women, but she doesn't have to be.
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