Need Some Thoughts on a Situation

[dx1187]

Back in July I met a girl at an event. Although we only talked for about 3 minutes there, she ended up sending a friend request to me on Facebook. Through the month of July we got to talking quite a bit on Facebook, and she even gave me her phone number so I could text her. She did talk to a lot of people though, and gave her phone number out to a lot of people. She was homeless and living at a motel at the time, and was bored. We would talk a few days a week, just about everything. Eventually we met up in August again at another event, and was able to talk in person. The day before we even chatted online for over 4 hours.

 

A week after that, she posted a message on Facebook asking if anyone could help her and her family move into their house. She lived in the next city over, so I offered to help her out. I helped her out for 2 days moving, and we seemed to start getting even closer. Soon after, she had to go dorm room supply shopping and she mentioned she didn't like shopping alone. I offered to go with, since I thought it would be kind of fun. We went around looking for things about 3-4 times before she had everything together. We started texting or Facebook messaging each other everyday at this point, and saw each other 2-3 times a week. She was really open with me, and even told me her closest guy friend was jealous that we were hanging out so much. When the time came for her to move in to her dorm, she asked if I could help her, even though her guy friend offered to help her. Outside of helping her bring her stuff to the school, her family didn't actually help her setup her room while I did. We even went thrift store shopping because she needed some things for a costume. The more we did things together, I started developing feeling for her.

 

Once she was in school, she invited me to go visit her. We still saw each other about twice a week and grabbed dinner. We were still talking pretty frequently. We were talking pretty much daily at this point, although she's busier due to school. Eventually I told myself I had to tell her I liked her. Unfortunately everytime I wanted to tell her, she was extremely upset. I know there's no such thing as the "right time", but I didn't want to put more on her mind. First time her ex had IM'd her that night while I was there, and she was extremely upset since he broke her heart. Second time her guy friend had said something to her best friend on campus, and her friend was upset with her. She was crying hard, and I was lucky enough that I was there at the time. Third time she had just pawned off her very important ring in order for her mom to have money for her addiction. Fourth time her roommate, who is never there, was in the room. Eventually beginning of October I was fed up of waiting, so I decided to PM her on a message board she goes on everyday telling her I liked her. I'm almost positive read it since she reads all her other messages. She didn't respond or react in anyway though, and she still talked to me.

 

I know she enjoys talking with me, since a lot of time she contacts me first. I also know that her parents think we're dating since I bring her home from time to time. Her dad actually told me "make sure you take care of her", as well as that he doesn't like most of her friends, but he likes me. Her mom also knows I care about her a lot. The time my friend was crying really bad, she had used my phone to talk to her mom. Her mom texted me the next day thanking me for being there for her, and that I'm very kind and sweet to her.

 

Yesterday she started posting some cryptic messages and quote on Facebook having to do with finding the right guy, and things like that. At this point I know she liked someone, and I pretty much figured out it wasn't me. I don't know why, but she messaged me yesterday night saying how happy she was, but wouldn't tell me why. I figured it out though pretty easily, and it is in fact a guy. I don't know why she would tell me this though, when she knows I have feelings for her. It's kind of like the ultimate slap in the face. She knows the guy through a friend, but she has never physically met the guy. She has only chatted and skyped with the guy, since she told me he lived very far away but it trying to move closer. She seems to really be in love with the guy though from what she posted.

 

It's pretty upsetting that I felt we really bonded, but I guess it was just one sided. Since she messaged me about how happy she was, I'm almost positive she only sees me as a friend and nothing more. I'm not going to break off our friendship, but I don't think I can hang out with her as often, or maybe keep our chats to online only. This upset me greatly, since I don't usually like people that easily. I was hoping for something, but guess not. Maybe I'm just too nice of a person, and nice guys finish last

[MrCastle]

What I'm going to say may come off as brash but understand I'm doing it to wake you up.

 

There is nothing in your post that shows me you were even remotely close to landing her. I see no signs of her liking you as more than just a friend. You don't help her move and go shopping with her when you've never hooked up with her. You just don't. Friends do that. If she said she had to move you don't offer to help you say "Oh ok, how about we catch something to eat when you're done? Ease your stress a little bit". You also most definitely do not go shopping with a female unless you guys are already dating/have hooked up already. She took you as a straight man and said "hmm, he'd make a nice gay best friend".

 

She told you about her feelings for the other guy because she doesn't care about yours. She ignored your email declaration of love because she doesn't feel the same and didn't want to make it awkward. You didn't have the stones to call her out on ignoring your message and let her continue to control the realtionship on her terms.

 

**** this chick. She is doing you no good. Cut contact immediately. There is no reason to be talking to her.

[dx1187]

Thanks for the responses

 

will1988: I private messaged her on the site she frequents and I know she had to have seen it. She buys and sells stuff on there all the time, so there's no way she would have just ignored it. I'm still planning on being friends with her, but probably just talking online now and then, and light chat with her if I run into her. I would love to tell her how I feel, but those times I wanted to were just way too bad. Not only that, but she has to have known this guy at least since September or October, and from her 4-5 Facebook post, it really seems like she thinks he's the one for her. She has never posted anything relating to relationship until now.

 

MrCastle: I didn't go into too much detail, but the first time I asked her if she wanted to check out a store that I thought she would be interested in going to, she agreed. That night, she also told me she had a lot of fun. There were a few other times during the dorm room shopping times, where she texted me later saying she had fun. I guess you could also have fun with friends though :/ As for the moving thing, I wasn't interested in her in that way at the point. I was just offering a helping hand which I would do for any friend male or female.

 

Maybe she was using me a bit, it sure seemed that way. I know she's upset that her decision will hurt some people though. I don't think I would cut off ties with her completely. I don't want to be that type of guy. I just won't actually hang out with her. I am planning on giving her a Christmas present with a letter, that will give me the closure I need to move on

[veggirl]

Homeless? Addiction?

[dx1187]

Homeless due to being evicted, and her mom's addiction

 

Also guess I should clarify why I decided to message her telling her I liked her since I was sick of waiting. At the time I really wanted to tell her, she had a bad situation with her closest guy friend. He was starting to be super obsessive with her, even though she has told him multiple time she only sees him as a friend. He was the main cause of her best friend being upset with her, and her crying. It got bad enough, that she considered putting a restraining order on him if things continued. I wanted to wait for her to settle that first. They ended up going to counseling, and everything seems fine between them now.

[dx1187]

Found out more info. This guy is in the military, and she cares enough about him to wait for him. Now I'm really wondering how long this has been going on between her and him. Now I really feel used, and I don't think I'll hang out or help her anymore. Just keeping it as online friends and maybe minor chatting if I see her.

 

Not sure how well it'll turn out for her, since I know of two other "relationships" she has had where she has never met the guy, and both of those turned out bad...