SeventhFloor Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Hello LS. Recently, I've been dating this girl. It's been about 2 months, and things are going well, really well. There's just a few things that strike me as odd. When I mention how I won't be hooking up with anyone else, she's given me the "guilty look" twice. The same look my ex gave me when she lied about cheating on me (twice), so I know the look. I'm not saying it means anything, it could literally mean anything. But it's a slight red flag for me. We've been out to places and parties together where I've seen her check out other guys, and she talks openly about attractive men. I guess that's a good thing because she's comfortable enough with me to do it, and realizes I'm stable enough not to let that get to me. I haven't let it get to me before, because we both talk about attractive girls as well. But anyways, recently I've been having this feeling that maybe she's hooked up with someone else during one of her weak moments, when we first started dating. There are guys who hit on her, and her ex is always texting her for sex (but she's pretty clear about it with me). The whole thing that led up to us getting together was her saying, "Someone asked me out. I said no -- I want to be exclusive with you." Also, her Facebook status still says "Single." We've discussed this, and about 2 weeks ago she said she wanted to change it to in a relationship, or hide it. But we both agreed to keep our privacy as our own and not be "facebook public" -- so why would she still keep it as Single? I waited for a while, and just recently changed mine to Single so that she would get the message. Also, one more thing that bothers me is that she never really calls me. She texts occasionally, and I'm usually the one to call or follow up. I never get a morning call, and when she does call me it's later in the day. She could just be busy or whatever, but it's kind of odd to me because every other relationship I had, the girl would call me often. It's not such a huge deal, I realized this when we first started dating, it may be the way she is. She still is sweet to me, and I bet she doesn't believe anything's wrong on her end -- she just calls me whenever she gets to it. Other than that, our relationship has been going well. The calling thing, not such a huge deal. The facebook thing, not such a huge deal but after staying "Single" on FB for like 2 months, it's beginning to worry me. Also, should I even bring up my worries about her possibly hooking up with someone else? She hasn't done anything to warrant that; she hasn't been shady at all. It's just the look and the feeling I get.
Author SeventhFloor Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 So far, our relationship has been quite good. We've been open with each other about every aspect of our lives, including our sexuality, so she knows I don't get incredibly jealous when she's looking at other guys, and I don't expect her to get jealous when I look at other girls. It's the actions that count, and we both know this. She says she trusts me 100%. And I've told her I trust her. Usually, when someone says, "I trust you completely not to mess up," they're not screwing around. It's the jealous, controlling ones who are usually the ones messing around. It's just *the look* that I got from her that makes my gut tingle. She knows about what I went through with my ex girlfriend. I'm supposed to go see her tomorrow night to spend the weekend. I feel like I should bring this up tonight. Call her on the phone, and tell her that I've been having this feeling, and ask her whether she's been completely honest with me. She knows I trust her, I haven't given her any reason to suspect otherwise. So far, this relationship has been quite healthy, except for a few things I mentioned (the calling - which is, I think, her personality -- and the facebook thing, which is admittedly, not a big deal). I just can't get past this feeling that possibly, she had a weak moment. I am *very* good to her, and she even admits that. "You are so good to me. You treat me so well. No one has ever treated me or made me feel the way you do." So if she did, by any chance, have a weak moment then she'd undoubtedly feel massively guilty about it. And you're right. If that was the case she may lie. The calling/texting, we've discussed a tiny bit, and I'm guessing it's just the way she is. The facebook thing is not a big deal, we've discussed that too, but for her to remain "Single" and not even hide it is a minor red flag. She may be lazy, we'll see about that one. I'm just unsure about how to bring up the "cheating" thing, because she may very well be innocent. And at this point, I'm claiming her innocence because I don't know better. It's just the feeling I have, which may even be caused by my insecurities from my last relationship, but it's a gut feeling.
Author SeventhFloor Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 Okay, this is what I plan to do -- leave it alone for now. Go visit her tomorrow night, and ask her about her ex boyfriend who has been bugging her to hook up. I know that he knows about me. I'll ask if they still talk, and if they do, ask how she talks to him. I know that one day, we were at a party drunk, and he texted her for sex and she said, "I will never ever have sex with you." Then he continued to text her about how she misunderstood him. Then one day, she was talking to him during a down moment and she said she considered going over there, but didn't because all he would want is to hook up. Then, well, I'd hate to do this and would only do it if the proper situation popped up, I.E., "He keeps bugging me." -- I'll ask for her to show me her text messages between them, and when the last time she saw him was. If everything is cleared up, I'll ask whether she really wants this relationship, or if she wants to remain single. She's told me repeatedly she wants this, I make her happy, and she doesn't want any other opportunities - but then, would she still want to flirt with other guys? Make it seem as though she is single? Am I making this out to be a bigger deal than it is? Someone please tell me if I'm doing this right.
Author SeventhFloor Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 Honestly it sounds like you are more into her right now than she is into you. I think its possible that you see the two of you as a couple and she thinks you two are just dating Well, I may have said that a few months ago. But now, she calls me her boyfriend, all of her friends know me (who are my mutual friends as well, and my friends know her), I know her family, she's talked about the future with me, etc... and this has been happening the past few weeks, so I don't really know what else to say.
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