PennGuy Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 (edited) It's been almost three weeks now. Last night, I had the most vivid sexual dream about her. In my dream we were broken up, but we ended up having sex and I made sure that I made it passionate and personal. I awoke this morning to a devastating sense of sadness. I cried for half an hour. Memories are playing like a movie in my head flashing from scene to scene. I'm rehashing all the fights and the times I turned down her sexual advances. When I met her she had very little self confidence, I think turning her down from time to time really crushed her, then she harbored this thought that I only started to pay attention once she picked up regular exercise, which is not true. I convinced her that she can do anything she puts her mind to, and my outgoing and confident personality rubbed off on her. She's a totally different person now and it's amazing. She's admitted numerous times that I was the catalyst for her change. So, I managed to change a girl who lacked self confidence and esteem and loved me into someone with confidence and drive and that made them not love me anymore. That's such a mindf***, I can't even get my head around it. I almost want to point my finger and say. "I MADE YOU THE PERSON YOU ARE!" One would think that if your significant other had such a profound impact on your self-worth that they would be the love of your life. That's a gift you should cherish. Maybe this is a case of GIGS. She even said during the breakup speech that's she's not the same person she was three years ago. Edited November 2, 2012 by PennGuy
TheVoski Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I have dreams of my WS every night. Each night is as vivid as the night before. One dream was her telling me to give her time. Last night's dream was her telling me to ask her to come back. .. I wish dreams told the future. I know the pain you are going thru and I know this comment doesn't give you advice but I'm here needing it too.
Author PennGuy Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 (edited) I've experienced heartbreak before, but this is by far my most serious and longest relationship. This is the first woman I lived with. This cuts very deep. We have so many mutual friends...we've done so much together. I thought I was going to marry her. Then late this spring the talks of getting a house ceased. Little things like combining insurance and shared cell phones. When the topic of three year anniversary gifts came up, she said "You're not going to propose are you?" but it was said with a smile on her face, so I didn't know how to take it. She said she didn't want to do gifts this year because she was tight on money. I said she didn't have to get me anything, because there is nothing I need. Maybe deep down I knew, but wanted to be ignorant to the fact. I could tell for a while that there was no love behind her kisses, but I kept trying to save the relationship anyways. There were times in the summer that I kicked around the idea of ending things, but I never worked up the guts. If I would have just pulled the trigger, I wouldn't feel like the crushed dumpee. Edited November 2, 2012 by PennGuy
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