Enchanted4 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Has anyone ever experienced this... Your gf or bf breaks up with you because they are unsure of their feelings and need time to think it through, but they decide that they want to start over completely with you. Meaning that you start some sort of friendship and hang out and see what happens from there. Any advice on this?
KatZee Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Bad idea. Sure it sounds good on paper, but there is no way to "start over" with someone from scratch unless you do some hardcore NC. As in... you both don't see each other, speak to each other, interact with each other, text each other, call each other, Facebook each other... for a year or more. You both need to go out and date other people, be in other relationships. Starting over can't happen unless all of the above happens. In order to "start over" you both essentially need to be strangers, you both need to have grown, you both need to be different people. Starting over a week after uncertain feelings isn't going to work. Those feelings of uncertainty are still there, they aren't going to go away in a matter of days. The reasons he doesn't want to be with you are still there and going from BF/GF to just "friends" isn't going to change that. And then you need to be real with yourself. You know that you guys won't be "friends." You'll try to hang out and it'll lead to hooking up and then you will just be friends with benefits. The problems that were there last week, will be there next week and you'll be heart broken again once he decides he doesn't want to be with you anymore.
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Has anyone ever experienced this... Your gf or bf breaks up with you because they are unsure of their feelings and need time to think it through, but they decide that they want to start over completely with you. Meaning that you start some sort of friendship and hang out and see what happens from there. Any advice on this? My ex wanted to do that but I refused. I didn't think I could handle the demotion. He actually worded it "can we just be friends with no expectations and see how things go?"...I have enough friends. 2
kt1012 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I agree that this can not work... You can't start over from scratch if you have already crossed many boundaries with someone. I have tried the lets start over thing before.... Like a week into it, your acting the same way as you were at the time of the breakup. It is just how you are with that person and what is natural at that point!
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I have tried the lets start over thing before.... Like a week into it, your acting the same way as you were at the time of the breakup. It is just how you are with that person and what is natural at that point! This is happening with us right now, and it's been a week since we reconciled, and the same BS is repeating itself...I don't know yet that things will work, but I have to see big changes or it's over. If things don't work out, I will be a big believer that "starting over again" just cannot possibly work for me. 1
justanidiot Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Bad idea. Sure it sounds good on paper, but there is no way to "start over" with someone from scratch unless you do some hardcore NC. As in... you both don't see each other, speak to each other, interact with each other, text each other, call each other, Facebook each other... for a year or more. You both need to go out and date other people, be in other relationships. Starting over can't happen unless all of the above happens. In order to "start over" you both essentially need to be strangers, you both need to have grown, you both need to be different people. Starting over a week after uncertain feelings isn't going to work. Those feelings of uncertainty are still there, they aren't going to go away in a matter of days. The reasons he doesn't want to be with you are still there and going from BF/GF to just "friends" isn't going to change that. And then you need to be real with yourself. You know that you guys won't be "friends." You'll try to hang out and it'll lead to hooking up and then you will just be friends with benefits. The problems that were there last week, will be there next week and you'll be heart broken again once he decides he doesn't want to be with you anymore. Real good piece of advice. It unrealistic to believe that things can change over a week. Personally I think the only way to start over is that both people have to take the time to dig real deep within themselves to learn how/what they need to change in order for your future relationships to work; to be the best you. It is hard work and takes a lot of time. It's amazing what you will learn about yourself and your past relationship if you take the time to decompress and go through the emotions of loss. Doing this you may find that you are not meant to be with each other, your personalities don't match, you are happy single, etc. which will lead you on a new exciting path in life. If you and the ex will ever stand a chance, you need the time to work on yourself. You'll need to start over again as strangers... Improved strangers.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 I agree with KatZee. You need an extended period of NC, where people grow without each other, to perform as kind of a reset button for something like this to happen. I had this happen with an ex. We had a toxic break and didn't talk to each other for a year. Saw each other by chance, went all right, then didn't see each other for another three months. Saw each other then and it was like everything restarted. The initial attraction and flirting was back and it was like all of the negative stuff had just disappeared because we both had moved on and made whatever peace we needed to make. But you can't reset right away -- just too much history and unresolved conflict, either with each other or in how you feel about the other person internally.
River Rain Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Run History repeats itself. Amen. Just learned the hard way that history does in fact repeat. 1
LostOne1 Posted November 3, 2012 Posted November 3, 2012 Amen. Just learned the hard way that history does in fact repeat. I wouldn't say always.. that's like saying all X people are so and so.. I think the chances of history repeating is HIGH. But it doesn't mean it happens for everyone. Some people change from other things stress, depression etc.. Doesn't mean it won't work again.. but chances are much lower. 1
oracle Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 People dont really change. They can alter their behaviour or beliefs, but those core traits / issues.. Are usually there for good I wouldn't say always.. that's like saying all X people are so and so.. I think the chances of history repeating is HIGH. But it doesn't mean it happens for everyone. Some people change from other things stress, depression etc.. Doesn't mean it won't work again.. but chances are much lower.
Tiera D Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 i think your ex idea about it sums up as "I want you to be in the friendzone ok?"its actually quite obvious TD
todreaminblue Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Has anyone ever experienced this... Your gf or bf breaks up with you because they are unsure of their feelings and need time to think it through, but they decide that they want to start over completely with you. Meaning that you start some sort of friendship and hang out and see what happens from there. Any advice on this? This is pointless and unnecessary.If you are with someone you can find yourself without having to break up with them .......Need time for what exactly, to decide whether they like you or not.nice concept nasty reality...might have been better to think about that before becoming boyfriend girlfriend.....you cant undo the past so the do over isnt an option you either work out what issues you have together or not at all, there is no reset button...or rewind.....just play and do it right..no forfeits play next week thanks.....its not fair play to make a game of emotions...medic needed...deb
Author Enchanted4 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Posted November 5, 2012 Wow! I had no idea you had all responded to this, I never got the notifications, so I apologize for not responding quicker. Since I've posted this there have been some changes. We've decided that we don't want to give up on trying to make it work. We decided that right now were are in the spot that's more than friends, but less than a relationship, and no, that isn't friends with benefits. I actually don't know what it is. We've discussed the things that need to change and have agreed to start that change and see what happens. Right now we are going to try to start flirting again and get that missing spark back...
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