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[justanidiot]

Hi everyone

I've been broken up with my girlfriend for 6 months now. It was difficult at first but has gotten so much better over time. I still have some work to do as far as completely moving on, mostly to dealing with my own personal issues that I've been working on to make myself a better person, but I'm getting there. Anyways a couple questions to ask about my ex gf. We were together for 4 years, lived together for 3. She broke up with me and started dating someone 2 weeks later. They are still together and I've heard may be living together. I don't know much about what is going on her life. I think its best for me. She still texts me and wants to know how I am doing. Usually every two weeks. She still admits to me about being emotional about the break up. Shes tells our mutual friends she still hurting and how hard its been. Seems weird to me to do when she's supposedly happy with the new bf. To top it off tho, and this bugs me more than anything, is her fb profile. She only has a few pics of her and the new bf, and she doesn't have a relationship status... but she still has every pic of her and I that she's ever put on fb. Romantic pictures and everything. Her Pinterest pic is still her and I. All this together, it still seems to me that she still has feelings or is having trouble letting go. Or maybe she feels guilty. Any thoughts on why she would do this? She's a very active fb'er and I can't imagine not getting rid of my pictures of her and I if I was in a new relationship. I got rid of all them 2 weeks after the breakup!!!!

[oracle]

Read my thread pinned to the top of this section.

 

All 3 rules apply to you.

 

Don't play the read into it game...

 

Its over.. cut ties.

 

You can't heal while u pick at the scar. Trust me. I've done that for 2.5 years while living with the ex. Every now and then the head f*ck game starts up for another round.

 

You don't move on happily ever after 2 weeks after a 4yr relationship.

 

But DO NOT hope she will come back, you don't want it back.. History WILL repeat.

 

Don't waste anymore of your life on this

[justanidiot]

Thanks oracle.

Trust me, I'm not hoping to get back together and I'm not wasting my time. Funny, i have been following something somewhere along the lines of your 3 rules in my head, and its helped me greatly!! Right now I'm just working on myself to be better for the next person. The reason I asked these questions was to help get an idea of what's going on in her head so I can filter thru the bull**** when she does contact me. I have to be somewhat civil with her as we have close family friends, pets, and several other ties. I stay off her fb for the most part, but I know she still has out fb pics because they show up on my profile as I'm tagged in them. I just want an opinion on if she's truely moved on or not. If she hasn't, then maybe I need to distance myself further...

[Jono85]

dude there's NO legit reason to stay in any contact if u don't have kids together. ur only prolonging the agony, AND giving her what SHE wants. who cares if u have close family friends etc. pets is a bit harder, but still doable. take care of YOU. and right now IMO you need NC from her for many many months. she's banging this new guy, and that's all you need to know. who cares if she still has some feelings for you. how could she not after 4 years?? she always will have a special place in her heart (don't they always say that too? lol). but the fact remains is she wants some other dudes c*ck and u don't need to be talking to her or being friendly. if u feel u want to be friends with her down the road, like after a year or so when you're over her, fine. but do yourself a favor and break ties completely. facebook included.

 

ps. the only reason u care to be friendly with her right now and care about her still having pics up of you, and care what her friends are telling you about how emotional she's being etc etc etc, is b/c u still haven't let go. which is understandable. but don't be in denial. that is why all these things concern you. just end it all, and start to really accept that it's over. it WILL take lots of time...but ur not giving urself a proper chance right now imo.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Jono85

[oracle]

Yea you hit the nail on the head here..

 

dude there's NO legit reason to stay in any contact if u don't have kids together. ur only prolonging the agony, AND giving her what SHE wants. who cares if u have close family friends etc. pets is a bit harder, but still doable. take care of YOU. and right now IMO you need NC from her for many many months. she's banging this new guy, and that's all you need to know. who cares if she still has some feelings for you. how could she not after 4 years?? she always will have a special place in her heart (don't they always say that too? lol). but the fact remains is she wants some other dudes c*ck and u don't need to be talking to her or being friendly. if u feel u want to be friends with her down the road, like after a year or so when you're over her, fine. but do yourself a favor and break ties completely. facebook included.

 

ps. the only reason u care to be friendly with her right now and care about her still having pics up of you, and care what her friends are telling you about how emotional she's being etc etc etc, is b/c u still haven't let go. which is understandable. but don't be in denial. that is why all these things concern you. just end it all, and start to really accept that it's over. it WILL take lots of time...but ur not giving urself a proper chance right now imo.

[Under The Radar]

dude there's NO legit reason to stay in any contact if u don't have kids together. ur only prolonging the agony, AND giving her what SHE wants. who cares if u have close family friends etc. pets is a bit harder, but still doable. take care of YOU. and right now IMO you need NC from her for many many months. she's banging this new guy, and that's all you need to know. who cares if she still has some feelings for you. how could she not after 4 years?? she always will have a special place in her heart (don't they always say that too? lol). but the fact remains is she wants some other dudes c*ck and u don't need to be talking to her or being friendly. if u feel u want to be friends with her down the road, like after a year or so when you're over her, fine. but do yourself a favor and break ties completely. facebook included.

 

ps. the only reason u care to be friendly with her right now and care about her still having pics up of you, and care what her friends are telling you about how emotional she's being etc etc etc, is b/c u still haven't let go. which is understandable. but don't be in denial. that is why all these things concern you. just end it all, and start to really accept that it's over. it WILL take lots of time...but ur not giving urself a proper chance right now imo.

 

Yep, outstanding advice.

[justanidiot]

Haha jono! Your right about the banging is all I need to know!! But seriously, I have been doing everything I need to do to move on. It is hard with the dogs and the business but I have done NC. Never contact her. Don't answer her texts back. Ignore her strings. Ive seeked help and have been working on me. It has helped me a ton. I don't know if I'm over her yet but I know I don't want her back and never will! Seeking help has made me realize I don't miss her. What I struggle with is the failure of the relationship and the vulnerability of loss. I don't handle failure well and a 4 year failed relationship has turned me upside down. I know this now and am working on that. Through this I have realized I don't need or want her. Why I'm asking the questions I am is because I want to be prepared for what may come. I have been told this stuff about her Fb and Pinterest by friends. I wish yet wouldn't tell me but what can I do? So I want to figure out what she's up to so I prepare myself for a potentially emotional situation. Is she far gone or showing signs of interest or guilt? Tough question.

[Simon Phoenix]

Block her on Facebook if you can't help but to snoop and as a guy, you shouldn't be on Pinterest anyway. As for your friends, politely tell them that you don't want to discuss it. My ex is the sister-in-law of my best friend and my relationship with her and subsequent break was obviously juicy gossip or whatever among our circle of friends, so I hear about her when I don't ask. And while everyone except my buddy's wife (her sister) thinks that she's the idiot, I just politely tell them that I don't want to talk or hear about her.

[21flames]

It's really hard to say but a mutual friend I had on fb told me my ex still had all ours photos of us on her facebook a month after we split.

 

I think she did this because she left her husband for me then did the same to me and just dosen't want to appear fooked up or not be judged or disliked by people she knows, so pure selfish reasons.

 

I don't know if that was the reason and I never will and I don't want to know, I kept checking her fb on a separate account I had and it's all on lock down but I have deleted that and stopped a week back cause I just know when day if I do that her profile pic may be of her and new man and that would really not do me any good.

 

I can't tell you what to do as yours just sounds even stranger that she has her and her new man on and you and her, the women doesn't sound right, no one can answer why she has them on only her fooked up mind which your best of out of unless you want to poison your mind again and get set right back.

[justanidiot]

Oh she's more than alittle crazy. Drama drama drama. Such a relief now to be out of the emotional craziness of that relationship. But that is why I'm curious as to what to expect from her. She is a very emotional person... All you need to know is she left me for another guy, bought an expensive house, change her appearance, living with the new guy after only 6 months, all the while still showing all the emotional baggage of our breakup, still telling everyone how hard it has been on her since our breakup. My councilor has warned me that she is likely to stick around and may very well come back to me in some form when she needs her next emotional high. I didn't believe before that she would ever come back to me in anyway but after hearing all this... now I'm not so sure. So as my councilor advised me, I need to decide on what degree do I want to be available for her when/if she comes back. I'm thinking I will not make myself available in any form, so i want to prepare myself for that potential situation. Thanks for everyone's insights so far!!!

[21flames]

I certainly don't miss all the drama, lies, bs, mad stories, excuses etc etc and I know the new guy will already be getting all that and has a lot more crap to come, same with your ex's new one. So they can enjoy that now, while we are relived of that.

 

Chances are she will get in touch at some point cause they haven't had chance to be alone an grieve the relationship, up to you if you want to stay in touch.

 

Mine moved straight out so I do expect some kind of bs contact at some point but I will deal with it then if it comes, even if I'm over her then I don't think she deserves my friendship after what she did to me.

 

You need to cut her completely and not get to hear anything, that's what I'm doing and it has helped, I'm only 2 months bu and 1 nc.

[justanidiot]

I certainly don't miss all the drama, lies, bs, mad stories, excuses etc etc and I know the new guy will already be getting all that and has a lot more crap to come, same with your ex's new one. So they can enjoy that now, while we are relived of that.

 

Chances are she will get in touch at some point cause they haven't had chance to be alone an grieve the relationship, up to you if you want to stay in touch.

 

Mine moved straight out so I do expect some kind of bs contact at some point but I will deal with it then if it comes, even if I'm over her then I don't think she deserves my friendship after what she did to me.

 

You need to cut her completely and not get to hear anything, that's what I'm doing and it has helped, I'm only 2 months bu and 1 nc.

 

 

Thanks 21Flames

Here's a little piece of gold for you. If you're ever thinking back on your relationship and you find yourself thinking of the good times, google "dating a drama queen". Reminds you of all the reasons your better off on your own!!! Hahaha.

[21flames]

Thanks 21Flames

Here's a little piece of gold for you. If you're ever thinking back on your relationship and you find yourself thinking of the good times, google "dating a drama queen". Reminds you of all the reasons your better off on your own!!! Hahaha.

 

Just did lol