Loverboy15 Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Hi, so i met this girl and we hit things off great. We have been officially dating for almost a year now and we do love each other. We say it sure but it is in our interactions that show our love best. We do not have sex as often as "normal" (maybe once every few weeks sometimes once in a month). It isn't that we do not get to see each other. We live at a reasonable distance but we haven't quite reached that point where we think it appropriate to move in together. And it isn't that we do not have the alone time. I attempt to flirt and she is unresponsive. I ask if she would like to have sex and she says that she does not feel like it. She was very sexually active before me but she describes it as "just sex" and that with me, it means a lot more. So much more that it gets her adrenaline going and she feels drained and often cries after. She says that i am satisfying her. She has been sexually assaulted in her life. About two years ago. I consider myself very patient and understanding in this regard. Recently she has told me that i am too gentle and that i need to be more forceful. I am only gentle because of her incident. So i tried to be a little more forceful and because of her past she reacted negatively and says that she has trouble trusting me now. She has come forward and said that she is concerned about our sex life. She then says that she does not know what to do. Please help, i really love this girl and i can see a future with her but i am worried that maybe she isn't attracted to me or that her past is still getting to her or what?
mortensorchid Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 She must seek professional help at this point. There is only so much you can do in this situation, and you've done all you can. If you want things to continue with her, she really needs to get better on her own time and learn to readjust to her life post rape and how it's going to affect you. 1
CarrieT Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 A couple of things... You both need to be really open and frank about your sexual desires and interests. You are trying to be gentle because of her "incident." But guess what? A lot of us who have been assaulted and raped (triple rape victim speaking here) like it *really* rough. There is a lot of psychology you can google about it. For me, it is about knowing I am safe with my partner but still being ravished. If she has not had counseling from the incident, she needs to. She needs to understand what she went through and how it is affecting her and her sexuality. You may not be able to do to her what she really wants. She may not be able to verbalize yet. But I can assure you it is quite normal. Personally, I don't care for it slow or sweet or gentle at all. Good luck. 1
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