bing0385 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I'm a 20 yr. old college student. When I met my bf, we were both in dead-end relationships, which we promptly ended upon finding each other. We were crazy attracted to each other...insanely in love...it was wonderful. It was a magical, whirlwind romance. I've never been so happy, and he seemed genuinely happy, too. We've talked about the fact that we're soulmates...just perfect. We were talking about getting married, so I gave up my preciously guarded virginity to him. Heh. About two months ago, his ex-gf gave birth to a baby boy without ever suspecting that she was pregnant (until she went into labor). Neither of them expected it. I know it sounds crazy, but she had regular periods (after they thought she miscarried a couple months into it) and didn't show much. My bf's initial reaction was for us to stay together...he still wanted me in his life. But two days later, everything changed. It was like once the baby was born, he stopped caring about anything else...even me. He felt like he couldn't completely devote himself to his child if he had me as a "distraction". He is not planning on getting back with the mother of his child. They had both moved on. She stayed with her significant other, but he keeps trying to tell her that she needs to break up with him (like he did me) so that she will not be distracted from the baby. It has been nothing but a big mess. I'm not crazy. He loved me. Granted...he was a bit of a charmer...but I've had experience with them before...and I could tell that he really seemed to care for me. I just don't understand how he stopped caring so suddenly. I've heard of traumatic events causing people to lose feeling...but...geez. He is still "insanely attracted to me" and claims that he still cares. I know that he reads my online journal, and we usually talk at least once a week still. He hasn't wanted to date anyone else, but when I mentioned that I might be meeting a new interest, he threw in that some of the hs seniors were really hot...but assured me that he wouldn't be looking for anything serious with them...they're just hot. That killed me. If he isn't going to be with the mother of his child, why couldn't he have stayed with me!? It's like a slap in the face if he just starts dating someone else! He talks like he wants me to move on, but I don't feel like he wants me to move on any more than I want him to. I have met a really nice new guy...but it just made me miss my ex more. I feel like I still need some more time, but others are pushing me to date the new guy. It has been two months, but I'm still so in love with my ex. I don't know what to do. I'm terrified that I'll never care about someone like this ever again. I had been doing so much better, but for some reason...everything came back this weekend... I'm so lost... He still cares...I can feel it sometimes...I just don't think it's enough... Whenever the baby isn't around (napping or out of the house), he is almost normal again...like nothing changed... But something in his mind can't let the two of us coincide...sigh...
Bean123 Posted August 2, 2004 Posted August 2, 2004 I'm sorry sweetie, but it sounds as if you may have fallen for one of the oldest lines in the book. Just count yourself lucky to be rid of him now, rather than later. Count your blessings that you're able to move on without the hindrances of a baby yourself. As far as you having met a really nice guy...well, if you think he's really nice and you like him, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go with it to see what happens. Who knows. Sometimes God (if you believe in God) sends someone into our lives to help us through the rough spots. (Maybe an angel in disguise?) Don't turn your back on the nice ones...they don't come along often. Just make sure he really is nice, and then just enjoy being young, without the encumbrances of a ready-made family. Cut your losses with Mr. Charmer, he's not worth it. Believe me.
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