CailinPig Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I've been single now for 5 years this month. I'm 28, have only had one boyfriend. I've been through phases; the first, where I felt I'd never find anyone again, the second phase where I felt I would one day meet someone... and now I've reverted to the first phase again!! The questioning is always the same; am I not good looking enough? Am I fat? Am I annoying? Too girly? Is it because I have insecurities? Is it because people comment on me being strange? Is it my shyness? Is it because I need space? etc etc..... It gets to the stage where you build up all your negative aspects from over the years and you lump them into one ball and you look at it, and you think; "There is no way on this earth that anybody would want to spend the time, and have the patience, to get to know someone like me." I'm trying to get away from that phase, by reminding myself that - even though this seems alien and foreign to me now - there was a time in my life when a boy not only like me, but LOVED me. We spent about three years together all in all. That boy wanted to spend all his time with me, he wanted me in his house, with his friends and family. It's so sad that the idea of someone wanting that is alien now. Time is unkind. When I was first with him, at the age of about 20, I was so naive and so innocent, and I didn't even really want a relationship or know what that involved. Now look at me.... Anyway, it's fucck!ng ridiculous. I keep saying, "next year, it'll happen..." But it just never does.
Tenacity Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I've been single now for 5 years this month. I'm 28, have only had one boyfriend. I've been through phases; the first, where I felt I'd never find anyone again, the second phase where I felt I would one day meet someone... and now I've reverted to the first phase again!! The questioning is always the same; am I not good looking enough? Am I fat? Am I annoying? Too girly? Is it because I have insecurities? Is it because people comment on me being strange? Is it my shyness? Is it because I need space? etc etc..... It gets to the stage where you build up all your negative aspects from over the years and you lump them into one ball and you look at it, and you think; "There is no way on this earth that anybody would want to spend the time, and have the patience, to get to know someone like me." I'm trying to get away from that phase, by reminding myself that - even though this seems alien and foreign to me now - there was a time in my life when a boy not only like me, but LOVED me. We spent about three years together all in all. That boy wanted to spend all his time with me, he wanted me in his house, with his friends and family. It's so sad that the idea of someone wanting that is alien now. Time is unkind. When I was first with him, at the age of about 20, I was so naive and so innocent, and I didn't even really want a relationship or know what that involved. Now look at me.... Anyway, it's fucck!ng ridiculous. I keep saying, "next year, it'll happen..." But it just never does. Question... do you date? As hard as it is, I think you have to just focus on making your life everything you want, being independent, and finding ways to be happy without a man in your life. A man can't fulfill you.... it has to come from within. If you love yourself then you will find someone who wants to share that. I know that may sound trite but I really believe it... and have learned it the hard way too. There are SO many people who are in relationships who are unhappy and unfulfilled because they have lost themselves. Maybe they rushed into things before they really knew who they were or what they wanted. Be glad you aren't stuck like that... It does seem that it happens not when you are looking for it, but when you are busy living your life and least expect it. You sound like a very intelligent and sensitive woman from your posts... you will definitely find someone who deserves what you have to offer.
Author CailinPig Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 Do I date? Good question, but over here in Ireland, that kinda means nothing. I don't know where you're from, but generally speaking, most Irish people don't really date. I mean, that's not to say it doesn't happen often enough, but it's not really in our culture. So when you say 'do you date?' I have no answer. What I have done is kissed some boys in pubs and clubs, switched numbers and then texted for a while. That's about it. As for dates, if I had a choice to never go on a date, I would say thank God! Technically speaking, I've only ever been on one date - to the cinema. Worst experience ever. Very unnatural and I would never do it again if I never had to. I'm so shy that that's a horrible experience. Basically, with my ex, we both told our mutual friend we fancied each other, and then we started texting. Then we'd meet up eventually, for a walk, or all our friends would get together on a group outing and we'd chat then. Obviously, once I was his girlfriend we did the date thing of going out to dinner and going to the cinema and all, but I was myself with him at that stage. I dunno. I don't know what I'm even trying to say.
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