She's almost gone :/

[Alban]

I don't really know what to say, this is the worst thing that could happen to me.

 

I told my GF of 4 year's about something I have done, something that I believe most here can understand but it just was wrong doing that :/. In that time she fell out of love, didn't care for me, I just was the most depressed person in the world, but it turned around when she came in the summer because we are in a LDR.

 

I had another msn and fb and I had a flirt with a girl that I told my GF that It was nothing serious just chatting nothing real ,about 3 days ago.

She was calm and then checked everything, saw everything and she didn't show any feeling's. I knew that it would hurt her and that it would be a mistake telling her but I did and somehow I regret it now :/.

 

She told me that everything now is over,deleted me and my family,friends from fb, that I am a scumbag, that I am the one responsible for this and that I can't blame her now.

I said I didn't do anything that she didn't know, that I loved her and made all the mistakes of begging, crying etc :/ but I couldn't help it, but I saw that she's not sure of leaving, please just tell me what to do now ?

What can I do to save my relationship

[Alban]

You fuc'd up bro. Just give her her space.

 

Is this called help ?

[Alban]

someone who know's what to do please tell me

[CaliBabe]

You should give her some space. She is understandably upset and needs some time to reflect. There is not much you can do now as it is up to her whether or not she decides to stay.

 

We all make mistakes, we are human. She might forgive you.

[KatZee]

Sorry, but my boyfriend... excuse me... EX boyfriend made "the mistake" you're probably talking about. You cheated, didn't you.

 

Not only did you cheat, but then you went to do something AGAIN that you felt the need to "confess" to. Sorry but you're done.

 

I stayed with my ex when he told me he cheated, he too tried to pull the, "It was a mistake" line. Let me tell you something. Cheating, is NOT a mistake. It is not an accident. Tripping and falling is an accident. Tripping and falling into some other woman's vagina, is not.

 

She gave you that chance to prove yourself and you f.ucked it up again. Same as my ex did. And same as she did, I kicked him out of my life. Even though he wound up dumping me first, I felt what your ex feels for you. Disgust. Hatred. The scumbag part.

 

If you don't want your entire face ripped off, I highly suggest you leave her alone.

[SushiX]

Men need as much sex as possible. Dump that biatch!

[Alban]

Sorry, but my boyfriend... excuse me... EX boyfriend made "the mistake" you're probably talking about. You cheated, didn't you.

 

Not only did you cheat, but then you went to do something AGAIN that you felt the need to "confess" to. Sorry but you're done.

 

I stayed with my ex when he told me he cheated, he too tried to pull the, "It was a mistake" line. Let me tell you something. Cheating, is NOT a mistake. It is not an accident. Tripping and falling is an accident. Tripping and falling into some other woman's vagina, is not.

 

She gave you that chance to prove yourself and you f.ucked it up again. Same as my ex did. And same as she did, I kicked him out of my life. Even though he wound up dumping me first, I felt what your ex feels for you. Disgust. Hatred. The scumbag part.

 

If you don't want your entire face ripped off, I highly suggest you leave her alone.

 

I didn't cheat on her, it was just flirting and I didn't had any live contact just on messenger with that other girl. And that was at a time she didn't love me, she insulted me and maked me feel like I am nothing, she has done much more damage to me than I have ever done to her :/ but I forgave her and I fought back, and I won, she loves me and I love her, I hope she see's this because nothing is more important than her.

[KatZee]

I didn't cheat on her, it was just flirting and I didn't had any live contact just on messenger with that other girl. And that was at a time she didn't love me, she insulted me and maked me feel like I am nothing, she has done much more damage to me than I have ever done to her :/ but I forgave her and I fought back, and I won, she loves me and I love her, I hope she see's this because nothing is more important than her.

 

Stop making excuses for your behavior because there are none. Being in a relationship doesn't mean dishing out revenge or doing something to hurt the other person just because they did something to you. That's immaturity.

 

And what do you mean "that was a time she didn't love me" ? Says who? You? Jus because she insulted you and made you feel like nothing? Look around these forums, people act like this every single day. They take advantage and treat others horribly.

 

You had a few options, stay and work through it, or leave. You didn't leave, you decided to stay and retaliate. This doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to me. Either way, it seems like she doesn't want much to do with you right now, that is clear. So keep NC. If she wants to get in touch, she will.

[Alban]

Stop making excuses for your behavior because there are none. Being in a relationship doesn't mean dishing out revenge or doing something to hurt the other person just because they did something to you. That's immaturity.

 

And what do you mean "that was a time she didn't love me" ? Says who? You? Jus because she insulted you and made you feel like nothing? Look around these forums, people act like this every single day. They take advantage and treat others horribly.

 

You had a few options, stay and work through it, or leave. You didn't leave, you decided to stay and retaliate. This doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to me. Either way, it seems like she doesn't want much to do with you right now, that is clear. So keep NC. If she wants to get in touch, she will.

 

Wtf is wrong with you ? It's not an excuse I know I was wrong and for that I apologized to her, and by "that time she didn't love me" I mean she fell out of love, it lasted about 3 months, you don't ****ing know how it is to feel so lost.

 

And this relationship isn't healthy because we are on a LDR, do you know how hard it is to maintain it ? And seeing each other ONCE A YEAR .

But we love each other and in my heart I know that we can make it, on 26 february it will be 4 years together, and after next summer we can see each other much often than this. I won't give up but you are right, I have to give her space, that is the best for now :/

[Jono85]

u've seen each other once a year for the last 4 years and call that a 4 year relationship?? hmm..

[KatZee]

Wtf is wrong with you ? It's not an excuse I know I was wrong and for that I apologized to her, and by "that time she didn't love me" I mean she fell out of love, it lasted about 3 months, you don't ****ing know how it is to feel so lost.

 

And this relationship isn't healthy because we are on a LDR, do you know how hard it is to maintain it ? And seeing each other ONCE A YEAR .

But we love each other and in my heart I know that we can make it, on 26 february it will be 4 years together, and after next summer we can see each other much often than this. I won't give up but you are right, I have to give her space, that is the best for now :/

 

I don't know how it feels to be so lost? Who are you kidding here? I have to agree with the guy above me. You saw this chick FOUR TIMES total and you call this a four year relationship? Yeah, 4 years have gone by but you have the relationship that's literally probably 6 months to year old.

 

I had a THREE YEAR relationship in which I saw him practically every day for over a year, then went long distance when I saw him every three weeks for a year and a half. I gave my entire life to that kid, I did everything and anything for him. Went above and beyond sacrificing myself, my life, EVERYTHING only to be cheated on, lied to pretty much every single day, played like a fiddle, made a fool of, emotionally abused, taken advantage of, taken for granted, laughed at behind my back. There is A LOT worse that goes on beyond what's going on with you.

 

Take a step back and realize that what's going on with you isn't all that serious in the scheme of relationships. Yeah, it sucks, but I mean I don't get how you can call seeing someone four times in four years, a real serious relationship. And I don't get if you see her once a year, how not seeing her for those 3 months made any sort of difference.

[Alban]

I don't know how it feels to be so lost? Who are you kidding here? I have to agree with the guy above me. You saw this chick FOUR TIMES total and you call this a four year relationship? Yeah, 4 years have gone by but you have the relationship that's literally probably 6 months to year old.

 

I had a THREE YEAR relationship in which I saw him practically every day for over a year, then went long distance when I saw him every three weeks for a year and a half. I gave my entire life to that kid, I did everything and anything for him. Went above and beyond sacrificing myself, my life, EVERYTHING only to be cheated on, lied to pretty much every single day, played like a fiddle, made a fool of, emotionally abused, taken advantage of, taken for granted, laughed at behind my back. There is A LOT worse that goes on beyond what's going on with you.

 

Take a step back and realize that what's going on with you isn't all that serious in the scheme of relationships. Yeah, it sucks, but I mean I don't get how you can call seeing someone four times in four years, a real serious relationship. And I don't get if you see her once a year, how not seeing her for those 3 months made any sort of difference.

 

Do you know what a relationship is ?

[Alban]

Alban, you may want to step back a moment and think about your own question. What is the basis upon which you believe your "relationship" to be a relationship? How does it work when you've only seen the person you're with four times? Most LDRs start off as normal relationships, wherein the parties see each other and spend some significant amount of time together, and then one or the other person relocates. What you've described here sounds more like a pen-pal or an online "friend", rather than what most people consider a relationship.

 

I'm not judging, and I may just be too damned old to understand how this works, but I don't see how any of this works. She's not almost gone, she was never there in the first place.

 

Î know what all of you mean by that, and to be honest I am not satisfied aswell with our situation, but the hope of ending this long distance never faded, we both know it will end, we skype every day 2-3 hours, and in those 4 times we were together we had the best time in our life, in my understanding, a relationship is when 2 persons take care of each other, love each other, hope together, dream together and aim together.

 

I know for you this is ****, just like for most people here, who are pessimists and think that you can love anyone, that there isn't someone who is the only one, but to me this sounds like all of you failed, and that's why you find excuses about it.

 

I will always love her, no matter what happens, I will be the person where she can get back to, and if she needs me I will be always there for her, because that is me, because she is the only one who make's me hate the world, and love it in the same time.

 

Be positive my friends, I know the majority here have lost someone, but that doesn't mean that others will, I refuse to let go something that is the most valuable thing in life, that is love.

[KatZee]

Î know what all of you mean by that, and to be honest I am not satisfied aswell with our situation, but the hope of ending this long distance never faded, we both know it will end, we skype every day 2-3 hours, and in those 4 times we were together we had the best time in our life, in my understanding, a relationship is when 2 persons take care of each other, love each other, hope together, dream together and aim together.

 

How can you take care of a person you don't even see in a physical form? Can you hug her when she's had a bad day? Can you take care of her by bringing her medicine, and staying by her side when she is sick? Can you kiss her goodnight?

 

Hopes and dreams are one thing, but you can't live on hopes and dreams. You need to live in reality. You both sound extremely young so the chances of this LD situation ending is kind of slim. To see each other once a year only indicates to me that you're SO far apart that the chances of you coming together are just not there.

 

Did either of you make plans to move to the other? Are you both saving money to get an apartment together and get engaged? Are you both in school right now or have you discussed going to the same school to be in the same location? There are hopes and dreams yes, but can you make those things happen? If not, this relationship--- to be brutally honest--- is pointless and a complete waste of time.

 

And that's sad if you think there is only one person on this planet you are capable of loving. There is no such thing as "the one" and if you want to get technical and start talking about things in a spiritual view... people will tell you that there is no "one." A person is capable of meeting and falling in love with many "ones" in their lifetime. There is not one person you're meant to be with forever. That defeats the purpose of our journey here on earth--- which is to learn, and to continue growing. How can you do that being with one person for your entire life.

 

All this was, was a lesson. It's something you learn from, you grow from, you take your experiences, your lessons, and your knowledge to the next person. Start viewing the world outside the narrow lens you're currently looking at it with. Get out of your box. Meet new people. Get out there. How can you be experiencing life, and the world, while you sit inside Skyping for hours a day?

[Alban]

I think you may be projecting a bit. I get that you're hurt, but you may want to actually read the posts on these boards before you jump the gun and start making silly assumptions about the nature of other peoples' situations. Many of us have not failed, and are actually involved in legitimate relationships with real people in the real world. Your situation strikes those of us in these real world relationships as a bit peculiar. Love is usually something you feel for someone you know. Having been in a number of real relationships with real people in the real world, I can tell you that four meetings does not equal love.

 

Also you may want to take your own advice and honestly stay positive. You're attacking the messengers because you don't like the messages. You haven't failed, because there doesn't appear to be anything there to have failed at. Instead of lashing out at people here, you could be using your energy to look inward and figure out why you ever thought this was love in the first place. Just a thought.

 

Sorry that you took it as an offence, and any other who feels that way sorry I didn't mean it that way.

 

So what do you think equals love ? I would be very satisfied if this love wouldn't be real believe me in this, but if it's not love why am I here ?

Why should I be with her for 4 years and still love her and it even grows more :/, nahhh I am so ****ed up

[Alban]

How can you take care of a person you don't even see in a physical form? Can you hug her when she's had a bad day? Can you take care of her by bringing her medicine, and staying by her side when she is sick? Can you kiss her goodnight?

 

Hopes and dreams are one thing, but you can't live on hopes and dreams. You need to live in reality. You both sound extremely young so the chances of this LD situation ending is kind of slim. To see each other once a year only indicates to me that you're SO far apart that the chances of you coming together are just not there.

 

Did either of you make plans to move to the other? Are you both saving money to get an apartment together and get engaged? Are you both in school right now or have you discussed going to the same school to be in the same location? There are hopes and dreams yes, but can you make those things happen? If not, this relationship--- to be brutally honest--- is pointless and a complete waste of time.

 

And that's sad if you think there is only one person on this planet you are capable of loving. There is no such thing as "the one" and if you want to get technical and start talking about things in a spiritual view... people will tell you that there is no "one." A person is capable of meeting and falling in love with many "ones" in their lifetime. There is not one person you're meant to be with forever. That defeats the purpose of our journey here on earth--- which is to learn, and to continue growing. How can you do that being with one person for your entire life.

 

All this was, was a lesson. It's something you learn from, you grow from, you take your experiences, your lessons, and your knowledge to the next person. Start viewing the world outside the narrow lens you're currently looking at it with. Get out of your box. Meet new people. Get out there. How can you be experiencing life, and the world, while you sit inside Skyping for hours a day?

 

I am 20 and in Kosovo, where we are isolated, and without a visa you can't get out of here, she is 17 and in switzerland, next year starts a 3 year training job, then she can visit me 3 times a year, and from next year on I can visit her too.

 

For us to get together first she has to finish her training, then working, get an apartment, and marry me coz this is Europe and it sucks for this things.

All of this 4 year's alltogether but it's much easier when we can visit each other, what we can do from next summer on.

 

And with all due respect, I can enjoy my life with 1 person, and learn everyday, make mistakes etc. it can all be together in my point of view, we can travel, see the world, different cultures, and grow together, and get old together.

 

I understand you and you are right for most things, though you don't really give much importance to relationships.

Edited November 2, 2012 by Alban

[KatZee]

I understand you and you are right for most things, though you don't really give much importance to relationships.

 

This must be a cultural thing then if you think I don't give much "importance" to relationships. Don't think because you have such a narrow view of the world and reality that you place more "importance" on relationships than I do. You have no idea what I've been through and what I've gone through and done for people I've been in a relationship with.

 

As you get older I think you'll understand that you can't just remain with one person and be happy for the rest of your life. People change. People grow. The people you thought you'd love forever, you may one day hate. If you don't think this is capable of happening... well then you'll be in for an extremely rude awakening.

 

And if you honestly think some 17 year old child is about to dedicate her entire life to you, forever? This is not going to happen. I'm just going to tell you that now.

 

And I also have to point out, you can't tell me I don't place importance on relationships, and then turn around and be a hypocrite. You have been emotional and have crossed the line MORE THAN ONCE with these online flings you have. I have NEVER betrayed my partner in such a way because that to me is utmost disrespect and if you're going to pull the "importance" card, you should be aware of your own actions before you point fingers.

 

And you can't justify it by saying "it was just online flirting" because at the end of the day, that's all your relationship is anyway! Online! So you cheated with your online girlfriend, with your online other woman.

Edited November 2, 2012 by KatZee

[Alban]

This must be a cultural thing then if you think I don't give much "importance" to relationships. Don't think because you have such a narrow view of the world and reality that you place more "importance" on relationships than I do. You have no idea what I've been through and what I've gone through and done for people I've been in a relationship with.

 

As you get older I think you'll understand that you can't just remain with one person and be happy for the rest of your life. People change. People grow. The people you thought you'd love forever, you may one day hate. If you don't think this is capable of happening... well then you'll be in for an extremely rude awakening.

 

And if you honestly think some 17 year old child is about to dedicate her entire life to you, forever? This is not going to happen. I'm just going to tell you that now.

 

And I also have to point out, you can't tell me I don't place importance on relationships, and then turn around and be a hypocrite. You have been emotional and have crossed the line MORE THAN ONCE with these online flings you have. I have NEVER betrayed my partner in such a way because that to me is utmost disrespect and if you're going to pull the "importance" card, you should be aware of your own actions before you point fingers.

 

And you can't justify it by saying "it was just online flirting" because at the end of the day, that's all your relationship is anyway! Online! So you cheated with your online girlfriend, with your online other woman.

 

I honestly like you and your viewings are good, you even put a smile on my face. If I can ask you, what would you do in my place ?

[KatZee]

I honestly like you and your viewings are good, you even put a smile on my face. If I can ask you, what would you do in my place ?

 

Honestly? I'd just leave her alone. As hard as it would be, I would do that. I already made the mistake you made when I was younger. I wound up hurting the person I loved the most. And I paid for it, because I lost him. I had to go through that pain in order to know not to do that ever again. I beat myself up for many years and I thought I'd never love again. Of course I wound up falling in love again though.

 

This is a young relationship, and it's not a great one at that. There's not a lot of trust here, you guys are too far apart, she's too young. You need to find someone who's around your proximity. Someone you can be there for in a physical sense.

 

She already deleted you, your entire familiy, etc on Facebook. She's already called you out for being a scumbag and I'm pretty sure she's already told her friends/family what has gone on, so at this point there's no coming back from that. They'll never see you in the same light again and will most likely encourage her to find someone else.

 

Learn your lessons and move onwards.

[Alban]

Honestly? I'd just leave her alone. As hard as it would be, I would do that. I already made the mistake you made when I was younger. I wound up hurting the person I loved the most. And I paid for it, because I lost him. I had to go through that pain in order to know not to do that ever again. I beat myself up for many years and I thought I'd never love again. Of course I wound up falling in love again though.

 

This is a young relationship, and it's not a great one at that. There's not a lot of trust here, you guys are too far apart, she's too young. You need to find someone who's around your proximity. Someone you can be there for in a physical sense.

 

She already deleted you, your entire familiy, etc on Facebook. She's already called you out for being a scumbag and I'm pretty sure she's already told her friends/family what has gone on, so at this point there's no coming back from that. They'll never see you in the same light again and will most likely encourage her to find someone else.

 

Learn your lessons and move onwards.

 

Thank you

[Alban]

She broke up... feeling good somehow :/ but I don't think it will take long before the end of the world feeling .