triphopper414 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Last week, I went on the best date of my life! I met a guy online (my first date) and he was a pure gentleman and we connected on various levels. After our date, I did not take down my dating profile as it was the first date and we did not concretely plan our second. However, he did, BEFORE our date because I received a message saying that his profile was unavailable as I wanted to show my friend a picture. Friday night, I received a very cryptic email and in summary he said that something came to his attention and that he did not want to see me anymore and not to contact him further. We got along so great and as expected I was really hurt and disappointed. I really feel like the reason that he wrote me this email is because I did not take down my profile. I usually get over these things pretty quickly, but yet I am stuck on this. I want to email him back to tell him that I think he is making a mistake and that it should have been discussed and he handled it poorly. I do want closure on the situation, but I know I should forget about it. Part of me wants him to know how I feel, but I really don't think it would do any good. I guess what I am really asking is, how do I gain closure from this situation? Guys tend to disappear on me or leave me hanging. I just find situations like this to be bizarre. Couldn't he have said, I didn't like you enough to see you again?? At least that would have been an answer. Feels like I am back in high school again. Advice?
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 (edited) I could be wrong but I sense that he didn't feel the same way you did and used an excuse. You don't hide your profile after one date and besides it's something two people discuss and agree upon before doing so. I've been on first dates whereby I didn't feel the connection but still enjoyed my time interacting with the person. It could read the best first date ever for you, when it isn't necessarily so but just two people enjoying each other's company for the night. If he was into you, I believe he would have brought up the issue with you in hopes of clearing the air and moving forward. Instead, he didn't care to give you that opportunity and chose to let this one go. Obviously the date wasn't that great if he doesn't even want to give you a chance to redeem or explain yourself so you both can head on to date #2. You got your closure, you just don't like it. It's only one date and granted it was the best for you, don't project it on him. Telling him not choosing you is a mistake sounds bitter and desperate. You are far too invested for such a short encounter. Edited November 1, 2012 by geegirl 1
Author triphopper414 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Geegurl, thanks for your opinion. I appreciate it. I just feel like I didn't get closure because what he wrote a far departure and it was written in a really mean tone. I really do feel like I was invested to a certain extent, because we did get along great and I wanted things to work out, but I think the disappointment is what the driving factor.
Imajerk17 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Last week, I went on the best date of my life! I met a guy online (my first date) and he was a pure gentleman and we connected on various levels. After our date, I did not take down my dating profile as it was the first date and we did not concretely plan our second. However, he did, BEFORE our date because I received a message saying that his profile was unavailable as I wanted to show my friend a picture. Friday night, I received a very cryptic email and in summary he said that something came to his attention and that he did not want to see me anymore and not to contact him further. We got along so great and as expected I was really hurt and disappointed. I really feel like the reason that he wrote me this email is because I did not take down my profile. I usually get over these things pretty quickly, but yet I am stuck on this. I want to email him back to tell him that I think he is making a mistake and that it should have been discussed and he handled it poorly. I do want closure on the situation, but I know I should forget about it. Part of me wants him to know how I feel, but I really don't think it would do any good. I guess what I am really asking is, how do I gain closure from this situation? Guys tend to disappear on me or leave me hanging. I just find situations like this to be bizarre. Couldn't he have said, I didn't like you enough to see you again?? At least that would have been an answer. Feels like I am back in high school again. Advice? I wonder if he is married. Seriously.
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Geegurl, thanks for your opinion. I appreciate it. I just feel like I didn't get closure because what he wrote a far departure and it was written in a really mean tone. I really do feel like I was invested to a certain extent, because we did get along great and I wanted things to work out, but I think the disappointment is what the driving factor. Well, it seems as if he has trouble communicating and isn't it a red flag that he's conducting himself this way, no matter what the reasons? YOU got along great and YOU wanted things to work out. You can't force those perceptions and expectations on him. He obviously views it very differently for him to behave this way. I know you are disappointed but you really can't base compatibility after just one date. Everyone is on their best behavior on first dates, although he's exhibited otherwise! Let it go. You're always going to run into all sorts when you online date. Best to weed them out and let them go sooner rather than face bigger disappointment in the future.
Author triphopper414 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 I wonder if he is married. Seriously. My friend said the same thing or she said that it is possible someone else sent it; his profile is still up on the website. I am with geegurl, but it sucks because I really liked this guy and we (well at least I) connected with him and he was a nice guy after a string of not so nice ones.
2sunny Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Why don't you ask him what "came to his attention"? Did he have enough personal info to run a background check on you? Would hat show cause for concern?
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