Tricia312 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I've been married 30 years..so you know your partner well..about 2 weeks ago I started to notice something was off..my hub started working late,giving less attention to me,usually he's all over me for sex..had this bad feeling..so while he was taking a shower I looked in his cell,first time I've ever done that..my hands just shook as I read the emails between him and his scretary..text like him saying I'm dreaming..her answer ..of what me being off?? Or me having drinks..? His reply both ..next her saying you are going to miss me 2morro..him of course not the same without you here ..there is one where he asks how about that drink ..her texting sure lets go..a text where he asked her to stop and pick up something ..her reply only for you . I confronted him..of course he said nothing's going on..just joking around.. I've looked in cell again ..wiped clean..but just last nite 9pm cell going off again..I ask oh is that r son..no it's just work ..really I think to myself..what do I do..believe him..when I feel it in my guit he's lying..should I keep quite..and wait till he slips up
kt1012 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 They are not joking around!!! He may not be doing anything physical with her... YET!!! He is definately having some sort of emotional affair at least. There is no reason for a married man to be talking like that to a woman... He is strait up flirting with her and the only reason for him to delete any emails is becausehe is hiding them... and now he knows your looking!!! He has distanced himself from you lately because his mind is somewhere else!! Obvioulsy 30 years is a very long time and I am sure yall can work through this but you definately need to call him on it or pay very very close attention. Maybe show up unannounced one day, see how he acts towards you when she is around! That's just me 1
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I confronted him..of course he said nothing's going on..just joking around.. I've looked in cell again ..wiped clean..but just last nite 9pm cell going off again..I ask oh is that r son..no it's just work ..really I think to myself..what do I do..believe him..when I feel it in my guit he's lying..should I keep quite..and wait till he slips up I really think you have to wake up. There is something going on. They are in close proximity and it's only a matter of time before they act on it. Safe to say, if he has that drink with her, it's slowly headed down that road. Joking around? Nope.
Author Tricia312 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Thanks for the reply..I was crushed..I spent 3 days in spare bed room..curled up in the corner..thinking crazy thoughts like I wasn't a good enough wife..that he would do this..but I pulled myself together ..I have a daughter and want to be a good example for her..I need to be strong..my thoughts now r did they hav sex..I don't want to catch anything ..
2sunny Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Your reaction - or non reaction is concerning! Why aren't YOU DOING something about this? And what are you going to do? IF you don't give consequences - it will continue and get worse! Why are you acting so Whimpy and doing nothing? Tell him it's not right! She needs to be fired today! He needs to move out ASAP (pack his bags) - he needs to do counseling to find out why he has harmed you! If everything doesn't change - you are only agreeing to staying with a man who cheats on you and betrays you. 1
mishy Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Its pretty clear that he is having an affair This isnt joking around. Please do not be blind to this
fremonde Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I caught my ex fiancee flirt texting. it wrecked the relationship and we tried to recover it for years, didnt work. He is not joking around. he is either in a mid life crisis or the grass is greener on the other side mind set, or he is just a prick. if you want to save the relationship you cant act clingy or hangy, you need to take control. Go out and have fun by yourself or with your friends (might attract him back, if you dont need him) Work out with a personal trainer (you will appreciate the attention making you feel better, and he will have to wonder what you are up too, plus you will look better too), and try consueling. Show him that you want him to be with you, but.. on your terms, and you might just be better off without him. Go to his work and meet his secratary and be really nice, not too nice were its killing with kindness, or she knows you have a motive, but show her that he has a wife that loves him, might make her back off a bit. bring him lunch and a card or something. I have been were you are, sleeping in the spare bedroom and crying myself to sleep while she sat on her computer and phone talking to other guys. I know its hard to do these things but you have 2 choices. Fix things get a divorce or try to fix things and get a divorce, its up to you.
Author Tricia312 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 All the advice is great..I already knew the answers ..but it's hard to face up to them ..it's easier to stay in denile ..than to think 30 years of marriage comes down to this ..I'm 49 ..back in my dating days we didn't hav cell phones and texting ..it seems so easy for flirting with texting..I wasn't aware this goes on as much as it does ..until I went online..they call it emotional cheating..so true..even if they didn't sleep together ..it seems to hurt the same ..I've been just avoiding him..but this weekend I will confront him one more time,I know he will never admit it..see what happens ..
geegirl Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I will confront him one more time,I know he will never admit it..see what happens .. You've confronted him and he denied. He even deleted all the messages. Now you're going to confront him again. Why do you think he will have a different answer? Anything he says doesn't change the fact that it's wrong and that you have to do something about it. You are in denial and you are in fear. Hoping you'll get a different response and it will all go away. It won't.
JamesM Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I would call this the infatuation stage. I don't think it is technically a physical or emotional affair. but both may want this. It is like taking a drug for the first time and loving the effects it gives you. Both would deny that it is an affair, and technically they are right. What it is happening though will lead to an affair really quickly if the opportunity is there. Having said that, if he is working late with her and no one is around then this may have already escalated to physical activity...or it may be that they simply love to spend the time together. Oddly, this may or may not have anything to do with how your marriage is going. Your husband simply loves the adrenaline rush he is getting from this woman. As a man who is your age, I think this can be the middle-aged crisis. This "crush" makes him feel young again. Her flattery makes him feel handsome and virile again. He is like a meth addict who ignores everything else in life so that he can get his next fix. Against popular opinion here...don't give up on him or your marriage yet. Don't throw out thirty years of memories. Your marriage may be fixed if you fight for it. Yes, he has already cheated in one sense, but don't assume that he is ready to leave the marriage for her or that you have failed as a wife. He simply needs a wakeup call and "rehab.' The immediate response here is "dump that bum," but I say not yet. Never leave until you know there is no other option. Confront him and demand he choose. Demand that if he chooses you, then he must be open with everything. And if he says there is nothing going on, then make him show you. Demand that as his wife, you need to know that his marriage still is more important to him than her. It may or may not work now, but he needs to know that he has choice. When the ball is in his court and he makes the wrong choice, then he will know that he had his chance to fix it. And...demand counseling. Good luck and don't give up! You have the upper hand. She may be younger, but she doesn't know him like you do.
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