swimm55 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Ok to describe my situation I need to rewind to last week... This is complicated but hopefully someone can bear with me! So last week I met this guy via an online dating site. We decided to meet at his place on Wednesday. I arrived around 7pm and we were just talking for a few hours while watching movies. I began to realize he was not really into me because he was not making ANY moves. At one point, we moved to the bedroom, but still we were very separated on the bed. On the second movie, he asks if he can cuddle and from there he spoons me (I was the little spoon) and we begin to (finally!) make out. He is very hard and wanted to have sex with me that night but I told him I wouldn't on the first date. We just ended up making out for a very long time. The next morning he texted me ONE HOUR after I left saying he "REALLY" enjoyed meeting me and even though he was tired at work it was "totally worth it." Fast forward to last night (one week later), and I am at his place again (and this time I was totally ready to go all the way). Here's where it gets ...interesting. We don't hug or kiss the whole time and he doesn't even attempt to cuddle with me while we watch a movie. I'm thinking to myself... ok he must be tired or something. When we get in bed, he LITERALLY drew an imaginary line on the bed with his hand and SAID THIS: "Ok here is the imaginary line, try not to cross it." At that point I was very confused. I was like WTF? Why even invite me over the second time if you are not interested????? During the night we do end up cuddling a little, but he doesn't go farther than that. The morning after I asked if we could hang out soon and he told me he was going to another state over this weekend (lie?). I'm back home now and debating whether I should text him and ask if something was wrong last night or if he is disinterested in me... but at the same time I've only met him twice and that's kind of weird putting those questions on someone you don't really know. What should I do???!! I really want to see him again, and I am pretty sure if I bide my time and wait till next week I can text him to hang out again but I don't know what he might be thinking. We have a mutual friend who has known him for a long time and he told me the guy I like has a hard time showing affection. I could really use some advice, thanks guys
veggirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 WTF? Why were you at his place and in his bed on the first "date"? If a guy is actually interested in you, he will take you on a real date, not a movie night at his house. I'm shocked he didn't try to fk you TBH. I mean how long did you know him before you expected cuddling? How bizarre. Do most people cuddle with people they don't even know? This whole thing is weird. I mean perhaps he has a "hard time showing affection" because you barely know each other?!?!?!?! 5
Sunfire73 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 You don't hang out with a guy at his place on the first date. You don't know if you like each other yet. You should get to know each other first. You were so forward in wanting something physical, and it just killed the opportunity for things to develop naturally. I think he got scared because of your aggressiveness and turned him off. Don't contact him and wait for him to contact you back. If he doesn't contact you in 7 days, then he's not interested.
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 WTF? Why were you at his place and in his bed on the first "date"? If a guy is actually interested in you, he will take you on a real date, not a movie night at his house. I'm shocked he didn't try to fk you TBH. I mean how long did you know him before you expected cuddling? How bizarre. Do most people cuddle with people they don't even know? This whole thing is weird. I mean perhaps he has a "hard time showing affection" because you barely know each other?!?!?!?! No kidding! Jeez, I'm beginning to think I've totally missed something. Between this thread and the one I just responded to by AsItIs, it seems like the standard "first date" is now a make out session at someone's home. Just. Don't. Get it. If I was talking to some guy on an online dating site, seemed like we liked each other, and he said "Would you like to go on a date? How about we hang out at my house and watch movies?", then that would be the end of that. A man interested in a real relationship will ask you out on a real date.
snowflakes88 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Yeah, those were not "dates." Not even close. Presenting yourself as the easy fun-time girl and then trying to back your way into being taken seriously as relationship material almost never works. If you're looking for a relationship with this man, you've probably already mucked things up. On the other hand - if you're just looking for sex, just say so. 2
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 When you conduct yourself in a manner that shows a man that you do not require much effort on his part to court you or get you into his bed, he will not take you seriously. Why don't you expect more for yourself? The only screaming going on is the fact that your actions scream lack of personal boundaries and self-respect. So easy for a man to get you into his bed? Do you think he wonders if you do this all the time on your first "dates" with men on a dating site? Do you believe it takes nothing more than a movie at a guy's place and sex to get the relatiopnship or partner you desire? Did you not even step back and wonder about the dangers of going into a man's home and being vulnerable that way especially when you don't even know him? Your behavior is self-destructive. If you really want to date in hopes of finding a suitable partner, then go through the courting process. Sex can wait. 2
veggirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Yeah it also sounds like you are expecting an insta-relationship, with the wanting to cuddle and sleep over with a man you don't even know. That is awkward. How do you even feel comfortable snuggling a guy you barely know? As far as what you should do (since that was your question), you should forget this guy and make it a future rule not to go to a man's house if you don't even know him.
EasyHeart Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 WTF?I think this is all we really need to say. 2
dasein Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Will take this seriously, welcome to the forum. OP, I think his behavior on the second date was due to nervousness. He probably likes you, and was thinking it might be a show of gentlemanliness to have the second date be less sexual than the first. Now in one sense, he was just inept, it came out wrong and his noble intent to make you comfortable actually made things weird and strained instead. In another sense though, who could blame him? You teased him up one side and down the other -in his bed!- on the first date and then turned off, leaving him literally with his boner in his hand. The guy is probably inexperienced and incredibly confused. Ditto on all the other good advice in the thread. Try going out on A DATE, and see where things lead. Good luck. 2
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