sweetkiwi Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 today started out normal. Then i tried to talk to my guy about us and how the same problem keeps coming up because we're not communicating properly. He got huffy and started talking in absolutes. Such as, so i never do anything for you? So i never kiss you? I said that we need to stop being frustrated and start talking like we're partners. He didn't say anything. Silence. I told him i just needed some positive reinforcement. He never says he loves me, or enjoys being with me, or even that he thinks i'm pretty. He's not the type to say those things. But never? I need that. Yes actions speak louder than words. But when you feel no love behind a kiss you notice. So i asked him the big question. Does he love me. He didn't say anything. Silence. That was my answer.
Balzac Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Nothing beats the definitive response. Are you strong enough to move on? Negotiating in situations like this does not lead to long term change. 2
River Rain Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 today started out normal. Then i tried to talk to my guy about us and how the same problem keeps coming up because we're not communicating properly. He got huffy and started talking in absolutes. Such as, so i never do anything for you? So i never kiss you? I said that we need to stop being frustrated and start talking like we're partners. He didn't say anything. Silence. I told him i just needed some positive reinforcement. He never says he loves me, or enjoys being with me, or even that he thinks i'm pretty. He's not the type to say those things. But never? I need that. Yes actions speak louder than words. But when you feel no love behind a kiss you notice. So i asked him the big question. Does he love me. He didn't say anything. Silence. That was my answer. I'm so sorry honey. Bf did that to me a few months back too, I asked him if he loved me and he never responded. It hurts.
Author sweetkiwi Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 yes. I am strong enough. Its not my first rodeo. I am not going to contact him. And i know he won't contact me either. Its sad but i know what i need from life and love. This isn't it. Time to be alone and reflect on the direction i need to take now. And maybe its time for some wine. 5
KatZee Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 This is horrible. And I know how horrible this is. Months before my ex dumped me, I was actually about to break up with him. I could tell he wasn't into the relationship. I was never put first with anything. I drove to his house with all his stuff in the trunk of my car packed in bags. I went up to his room in his house and we talked and he talked in circles as usual, and I asked him one question flat out. I was like, "If I were to break up with you right now, would you stop me?" And he just sat there. Didn't say anything. So I got up, put my shoes on and started to walk out and THAT'S when he jumped off the bed and hugged me and I thought that meant he wanted me still. Foolish me, his ego just couldn't take being left, HE'S the one that had to do the leaving. I should have continued walking right out the door that day. I regret not doing that. At least you know where you stand now, and now you're free to find someone who WILL love you. 1
KatZee Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 yes. I am strong enough. Its not my first rodeo. I am not going to contact him. And i know he won't contact me either. Its sad but i know what i need from life and love. This isn't it. Time to be alone and reflect on the direction i need to take now. And maybe its time for some wine. I almost joined you with this last statement, then I looked at the clock and realized it's only 10AM. I've been house bound since Sunday night because of Sandy. Starting to go a bit stir crazy and absolutely posting too much on LS, lmao. To drink... or not to drink. I do have OJ and Vodka. SCREWDRIVERS! weeeeeee.
mammasita Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Awwwww, Im so sorry. I know it hurts, but I admire your strength. Otherwise, you're a hottie and any man would be more than lucky to be with you (yes, I read the anal thing LOL). 1
Author sweetkiwi Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 its only three in the afternoon here. But i'm a classy bitch so with red wine and i'm feelin fine. The bitch thing is just a joke. Truth is my stomach is in knots. After so many failed relationships its still hard to wall away from a truely good guy. Lazy or incapable, but good. Kat- i had to jump out of a car to get away from the last insecure guy i was with. He was going to dump me because his friend tried to sleep with me! Talk about egomaniac. Don't have a girlfriend people want to sleep with then. Or! Have friends that don't try with your girlfriend when you're not around! Or trust me when i said i left right away and i would never ever sleep with your gross 50something year old friend. I have been stupid before and stayed way way way too long. As i get older i realize more and more how precious time, and my love, is. My ex needs someone who is completely different than i am. He deserves to be happy like i deserve it. 3
Author sweetkiwi Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 i was wrong. He sent me a text. Said he was sorry for making me sad always. Its hard not to write him back. But i can't. For my sanity i can't. He's very charming and as soon as i see him i will lose the will i have now. And still. He didn't say he loves me. The truth will make you miserable. But then it will set you free. 1
Tree_Salmon Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 i was wrong. He sent me a text. Said he was sorry for making me sad always. Its hard not to write him back. But i can't. For my sanity i can't. He's very charming and as soon as i see him i will lose the will i have now. And still. He didn't say he loves me. The truth will make you miserable. But then it will set you free. I realized the same thing a while ago. I held on to my ex because I always thought there was love there but as soon as the conversation became "i may not love you anymore" I had to dump her. Don't look back and waste any time. You need to move forward. There are people who will love you. You look pretty kissable to me. Find a real man.
Author sweetkiwi Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 thanks. I am kissable. Thats the problem. I'm not some egomaniac but i know i am a good woman. And i have a lot to give. I'm not even thinking about the future. Only about not giving in. Not settling for someone who can't even say they love me. 2
Author sweetkiwi Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 true. He's not capable of such a lie. I said i wanted the truth. No matter what it was. He obviously doesn't understand we're done because he sent me a buonanotte text. Its so hard not to just write him back. But basically i'd be asking him to love me when he simply doesn't. Reminds me of that song. I can't make you love me if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't. But here in the dark, these final hours, i will lay down my heart. And i'll feel the power but you won't. No you won't. Thats the whole relationship. I was always trying to make him love me. To show him exactly who i am. But he's my opposite. He can't appreciate me. He can't even try.
BetheButterfly Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 (edited) thanks. I am kissable. Thats the problem. I'm not some egomaniac but i know i am a good woman. And i have a lot to give. I'm not even thinking about the future. Only about not giving in. Not settling for someone who can't even say they love me. Keep strong. It's worth it. Living without love is difficult and not very fun. I'm sorry about what happened, but I do personally think you made the right decision. I hung around an ex for a year, hoping he would someday love me. Didn't happen, though he didn't want to let me go either. ? And men say women are crazy lol... Art Critic had a quote on his signature which is SO important... "Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else." Also, making sure to treat each other well and be considerate of each other is vitally important. I think this guy cared for you, but I don't think y'all were compatible. I don't think he loved you though, sadly, since he didn't say it. It's good he is not a liar! That is a blessing for both him and you. Hopefully he will find someone who he loves and I would not at all be surprised for you to find someone you love who loves you. Just please go "slow." Some people rush and think the hormones or sexual desires = love. Love + sexual desires = AWESOME!!! Edited November 2, 2012 by BetheButterfly
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