puzzled1 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 So straight to the chase. We had NC starting sunday. I was focusing on myself and trying super hard to get her out of my head. It was working with the support of friends and you guys!! So yesterday all of a sudden she texted me at 11AM. She mentioned something like- "Thinking about going to the track on friday...??" (something along those lines, she is talking about a drag strip. I saw the text, kind of got a weird feeling and then with an evil laugh, I DELETED the text and kept on my day. Couple of friends and I were gonna hit up a club because of halloween so I was on the way there and I get another text. This one says, "I am sorry!!" I drank a couple of cold ones and danced with some girls to forget about it, but this morning my heart is yelling at my head to reply back something. After the breakup, I do not want to get back together at all, she hurt me and I now realized how much of a bitch I was in the relationship because I was too emotionally attached. She disrespected me and made her decision even though I told her that I might not have the same feelings as you. I really do not think I will be able to trust her again due to our past and unlike a lot of other guys in here, I don't want anything to do with her. Question is, do I respond anything back? Or do I just act like nothing happened and keep NC? I know this is driving her nuts because I am sure she expected a text back from me as soon as she said I am sorry.
foreverastone Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Why don't you just reply and tell her you don't want anything to do with her?
Carenth Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 You did the right thing deleting it. Don't bother replying just move on, continue hanging out with your friends you are doing good, look out for yourself now.
River Rain Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I agree ^^, don't respond. If you really don't want her back, just let her go. If you respond, you might get pulled back through emotion and memories. You're doing a good job moving on, so keep it up.
Solcita2 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 DON'T reply! Look how well you were doing until she wrote. If you reply, even to tell her to stop writting, it's an open window... once you reply she will reply back telling you something nice (or not) and the problem becomes bigger... just keep on with your life
Author puzzled1 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Thanks guys! I just made a big mistake, even though I have her deleted off facebook, I still can see some of her recent news on who she is friends with, and just came across some people and snooped on their profile and saw some pics that she is dressed up at a party with another dude :/ That just lit my guts on fire
flitzanu Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 so she was in a picture with someone at a social event. that doesn't mean she's banging him, but probably is. now stop facebook stalking, it doesn't help anyone.
Author puzzled1 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 She was sitting on his lap and the guy has her hands all around her. I am just so confused by her gestures. 1. The guy smokes (she hates smoking and has asthma) 2. He also has a kid (she is not gonna be okay with someone that has a kid) Looks like she is not looking for anything serious, it's either rebound (donno why he is the rebound, I was dumped) or she is tying to piss me off, or both. Its all good, I am just getting more and more closure from all this.
River Rain Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 She was sitting on his lap and the guy has her hands all around her. I am just so confused by her gestures. 1. The guy smokes (she hates smoking and has asthma) 2. He also has a kid (she is not gonna be okay with someone that has a kid) Looks like she is not looking for anything serious, it's either rebound (donno why he is the rebound, I was dumped) or she is tying to piss me off, or both. Its all good, I am just getting more and more closure from all this. If you deleted her off fb and you went snooping to find photos of her, I think that you're probably wrong that she's doing anything to piss you off - she probably assumes you aren't stalking her there. People change after breakups, don't torture yourself trying to figure out why.
flitzanu Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 She was sitting on his lap and the guy has her hands all around her. I am just so confused by her gestures. 1. The guy smokes (she hates smoking and has asthma) 2. He also has a kid (she is not gonna be okay with someone that has a kid) Looks like she is not looking for anything serious, it's either rebound (donno why he is the rebound, I was dumped) or she is tying to piss me off, or both. Its all good, I am just getting more and more closure from all this. none of what you're saying matters right now. you're still trying to fit her in a box of what you knew, and your information is irrelevant. she's going to be whoever she wants right now, and digging in the details about this is not going to give you any answers.
Author puzzled1 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 If you deleted her off fb and you went snooping to find photos of her, I think that you're probably wrong that she's doing anything to piss you off - she probably assumes you aren't stalking her there. People change after breakups, don't torture yourself trying to figure out why. Yeah I messed up there! I cant help but be curious but I am going to stand my ground now. She wants to hang out with me today but I am not responding to her text messages. none of what you're saying matters right now. you're still trying to fit her in a box of what you knew, and your information is irrelevant. she's going to be whoever she wants right now, and digging in the details about this is not going to give you any answers. Yeah you are right. I know I shouldn't be digging and snooping around. Thanks for that I needed it today!
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 She wants to hang out with me today but I am not responding to her text messages. That's a good start. Just remember, looking on the internet is still a form of contact, I know how difficult it is though. I'd been seeing a guy and things didn't work out...I actually JOINED fb under an alias, just to look at his pictures because I missed him, lol...I broke my own rule. But the thing is, it made me feel worse, and I was back to square one. Quickly deleted fb, it's toxic and way too tempting!
Author puzzled1 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 That's a good start. Just remember, looking on the internet is still a form of contact, I know how difficult it is though. I'd been seeing a guy and things didn't work out...I actually JOINED fb under an alias, just to look at his pictures because I missed him, lol...I broke my own rule. But the thing is, it made me feel worse, and I was back to square one. Quickly deleted fb, it's toxic and way too tempting! I just messed up completely big time!! Ever since she texted me and tried to reach out to me, I kept ignoring her but the nice guy in my head kept wanting to disagree. I saw she was going to the track tonight so I fb messaged her saying Me- "Good luck tonight and have fun! Her- Thank you... That means a lot I hope you are doing okay, I think about you every day. Me-Replace day with seconds and thats how I feel. Hope you are doing well. I shouldn't have said a damn thing. Now I am back to square one. Damn this sucks!!!!!
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Oh gosh...the heart gets in the way of the brain...just try to be stronger next time!
Author puzzled1 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 The thing is, I know better, I deserve better, I accept and agree to all that. But my heart is a sensitive mofo. It sucks because even though I deleted her off my fb, I find myself putting her name on top of the search bar. I just blocked her right now so I cannot see a damn thing she writes or anything. I have my brothers fb password and I found myself logging into his account. I am not the stalker type at all, but why I am soooo curious??
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I just messed up completely big time!! Ever since she texted me and tried to reach out to me, I kept ignoring her but the nice guy in my head kept wanting to disagree. I saw she was going to the track tonight so I fb messaged her saying Me- "Good luck tonight and have fun! Her- Thank you... That means a lot I hope you are doing okay, I think about you every day. Me-Replace day with seconds and thats how I feel. Hope you are doing well. I shouldn't have said a damn thing. Now I am back to square one. Damn this sucks!!!!! Yeah, the bolded was probably the worst possible thing to text. Oh well, what's done is done.
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 You're curious because you miss what you had that's all. My heart is a mofo too, it's in my nature to be kind and forgiving, but it's to my detriment a lot of the time. We just have to learn from our mistakes and find the right person. And do yourself a favour, ask your brother to change his password.
Author puzzled1 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 You're curious because you miss what you had that's all. My heart is a mofo too, it's in my nature to be kind and forgiving, but it's to my detriment a lot of the time. We just have to learn from our mistakes and find the right person. And do yourself a favour, ask your brother to change his password. I knowwww!! I just missed the connection we used to have. I am gonna have my brother change it so I really can't help seeing anything from her. I see it as, if I have a way of snooping around, I might take advantage of it. If I cannot see it at all, then I can't get more hurt by getting curious.
Author puzzled1 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 Yeah, the bolded was probably the worst possible thing to text. Oh well, what's done is done. I know! I honestly do not know what I was thinking. I didn't even re-read what I had wrote and just sent it. F-it I guess you live and learn. Gotta get back to my grind and keep going on NC! I wish I could take my heart out, put it in a little box, and go several months without it and would make everything easier. I got my brain to do what I wanna do, cannot control the heart.
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I know! I honestly do not know what I was thinking. I didn't even re-read what I had wrote and just sent it. F-it I guess you live and learn. Gotta get back to my grind and keep going on NC! I wish I could take my heart out, put it in a little box, and go several months without it and would make everything easier. I got my brain to do what I wanna do, cannot control the heart. Wouldn't that be nice? Pulling out the heart for a while? I'm currently in that situation, my heart is making me want to do crazy things. I'm trying to be logical though, it's tough. I think you need to distract your heart by getting passionate about something else that will keep you busy. A hobby, studies, work, exercise, whatever it takes to distract you. For me, right now, it's posting here!
Author puzzled1 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Posted November 2, 2012 Wouldn't that be nice? Pulling out the heart for a while? I'm currently in that situation, my heart is making me want to do crazy things. I'm trying to be logical though, it's tough. I think you need to distract your heart by getting passionate about something else that will keep you busy. A hobby, studies, work, exercise, whatever it takes to distract you. For me, right now, it's posting here! Thank you for responding to me. Right now, most of my friends are either at work or busy with other stuff so they cant talk to me. I think posting here is helping me ALOT more than I can imagine. I remember before I found this place, I was anxious ALL day and night. Reading some stories here make me kinda mellow out and be logical too.
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Thank you for responding to me. Right now, most of my friends are either at work or busy with other stuff so they cant talk to me. I think posting here is helping me ALOT more than I can imagine. I remember before I found this place, I was anxious ALL day and night. Reading some stories here make me kinda mellow out and be logical too. I certainly haven't mellowed out much, lol...but it's been a good way to keep myself busy while I wait on the bf. Tonight is the "do or die" day, I told him to call me and if he doesn't, it's over. I'm afraid he won't call, but I have to stand up for myself. I was a doormat too long with him. Posting here and reading other people's stories has mainly shown me that I tend to put up with too much, that I'm too nice I guess. I'm nice to the guy but not to me. As for nc, it really does work once you get over the initial desire to snoop around and get in touch. I also found that meeting new people helps too. During our last break, I went full on to a dating site and met lots of men. Nothing came of it, but it certainly helped me feel better about myself.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I know! I honestly do not know what I was thinking. I didn't even re-read what I had wrote and just sent it. F-it I guess you live and learn. Gotta get back to my grind and keep going on NC! I wish I could take my heart out, put it in a little box, and go several months without it and would make everything easier. I got my brain to do what I wanna do, cannot control the heart. I hear you. I just try to break it down into something tangible. For example, I get tempted to try to text my ex. But she didn't handle the break with much respect and I feel that giving in only tells her that her behavior, which I found unacceptable, was OK. Establish standards and stick to them no matter what. Embrace your inner a--hole. Luckily (I guess), even though I'm usually a nice guy I have no problem being the biggest prick in the world when it's deserved. Serves me nicely in these situations.
River Rain Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I hear you. I just try to break it down into something tangible. For example, I get tempted to try to text my ex. But she didn't handle the break with much respect and I feel that giving in only tells her that her behavior, which I found unacceptable, was OK. Establish standards and stick to them no matter what. Embrace your inner a--hole. Luckily (I guess), even though I'm usually a nice guy I have no problem being the biggest prick in the world when it's deserved. Serves me nicely in these situations. Whatever works for you. I became a b*tch after he dumped me and that really helped me to stay nc, because I was the one who was ashamed of what I said. I figured there was no way back. I chose my words carefully though, because I wanted to ensure he would never contact me again. Anger does work as long as you don't let it consume you or let it go on too long.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Whatever works for you. I became a b*tch after he dumped me and that really helped me to stay nc, because I was the one who was ashamed of what I said. I figured there was no way back. I chose my words carefully though, because I wanted to ensure he would never contact me again. Anger does work as long as you don't let it consume you or let it go on too long. It's not anger. I haven't said a cross word to her. It's simply "this is what I expect and I will not budge from it".
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