my first love....

[knightshadez]

I'm new on here and I'm glad I found a site where I can just talk and it be alright. . . Well my story begins 14 yrs ago, with my first love. The moment I saw her I had to have her and I did for many years, I was blessed to have her in my life. In the year 2005 my Grandfather died and I felt like itwas time for me to grow up and settle down. I always knew I wanted to marry her I was just afraid to ask, marriage is alot of responsibilities. But that year I asked her to marry me. She was soooo happy, and so was I. I lovedher with all my heart and I knew she had to have too, since she said yes. Lol.. the job I had at the time had me out to sea for many months at a time, and I really didn't have time to grieve my Grampas death so when ireturned back to work I had a total break down (I quit my job out in sea) eventually everything hit me all at once.. the pain of not being able to attend my Grandpa's funeral because of my job and now thenewstress of getting married and starting a family of my own. Don't get me wrong I wanted to be with her forever but financially with the wedding, honeymoon, buying a house,having a stable job with benifits was all gettingto me and I made one big wrong turn intodrugs and I pushed her away and told her it was off and that I wasn't good enough for her. And just like that it was over... then the following year 2006 we start talking again tried to work it out. Things are okay we hang out at my place, talk.. then a few days later o get a call from he'd saying she can't reach her Mother, wonderful woman btw, I try to comfort her and tell her everything is going to be okay. Later on that day Im out with my Mom and she test driving the Lexus I was thinking about getting and she my love calls and said her Mother has passed away in a car accident. . My Mom, Sister and I are just a turn way from the hospital where she and the rest of the family are. I held her soon tightly and I didn't let her go... she cried so hard I tried my best to hold her up.. to this day it still hurts my heart, and still gets me teary eyed... she stayed with me that night.. I held her all night I had to work th next day... I don't think I went in though... I was still at that time usingvery heavily

And so I would get high and do my thing before leaving the house. She finally left back to her sisters and families house and from there we went our separate ways. She moved to Vegasand I stayed in Los Angeles did my thing then I found out she was getting married, it broke my heart but it was what it was.. a year after her getting married I decided it was time to kick my drug and drinking habit for good and now I.ve been clean off drugs for 5 years(: i now have my own business and I had met someone along the way that has been by my side thru difficult times, and I'm greatful for that. Then just last year my first love comes back into my life and we were going to try to get back together, I guess her and her wife were having some kind of fall out. Now we haven't seen nor really talked to eachother for about 4 yrs or so it was nerve wreaking... so I ordered a limo, when I saw her I wasn't nervous just up until that point. We hopped in the limo and she was just speechless she keep saying. Well I popped open the champagne and poured her a glass and I had a glass of brandy. We just talked and she was really upset about her marriage and she was tearing andmy heart ached at that moment because I knew she didn't love me anymore. So I drank a my cup of brandy and I brushed off my pain and told her everything would be alright.. things would work out in her favor and not to worry... then I asked her to come sit next to me and I just held her it felt like old times then onething lead to another and we smooches.. we said we would try to work it out. But itdidnt happen, she went to go see her wife for.a.week and we ended up not working it out. Now she moved back with her wife, yet we still talk but its more like how are things.. how are you.. things of that nature, the last convo we had she said she was moving back here in feb just for a family visit... i asked her what about her wife and she said that if she were coming here they werent going to be together...And sometimes we both reminisce of our wedding day and the what if's .... my question is what do I do? I need someone's opinion from the outside looking in... please help me my heart can't take this sort of pain much longer. I love her, she's my high school sweetheart, my first love...

thank you for reading this looking thread(: #firstlove

[PYTpisces]

Thats a touching story and very bitter sweet. I'm pretty young and I havent really had a whirlwind love/romance like this, but I saw someone else post in here their opinion that some people are meant to fall in love, but not meant to be together. I perceive that as a depiction of the beauty and pain life brings...love and loss. Even if you and your first love gor married, nothing lasts forever. Where there is life there is death and so on. You're blessed to have experienced a love like this and I think all the answers to the questions you carry will be revealed later on in your life journey. Thanks for sharing!