ImYours Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Let me start by saying I am a 39 divorced woman that was into a 4 yr relationship. I Love him. I however lived and hr away. I was always busy with things in my area and with my daughter out only times were weekends. I tried, but I also said many things over the course of 4 yrs that werent nice. I do love him, I want to make it right. I want our relationship to be first not second or third. EX. I have more fun with my friends ( i meant cause they were girls, i didnt see them thought often either so most of my relationships lacked) You always want to cuddle, I am not a cuddler. I broke him. He dumped me. :-( I want to say I cant blame him buttttt -together 4 yrs (broke up said needed time, we are not a match, he wants to move on, NC on his part. Once on mine) -I have a child he has a child(what about my daughter who loves him and wants to see him? How could he do this and not care about her feelings) -we just got back from an amazing family vaca(dumped after vaca...Ouch) My questions are: 1. Why is NC good. I hate it...I feel like he forgetting about me and how much I love him. 2. How can he dump me on a sat and next fri have a date, an overnight date! He was planning it and prob talking to her for a bit. 3. Any hope?? I feel helpless...Does it ever work out!
theLWord Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Okay, so let me make sure I understand. You kinda put him on the backburner and hung out with your friends instead of him? He would try to cuddle with you and you said YOU don't like to cuddle? It sounds like you pushed him away by choosing people over him and rejecting the intimacy he wanted from you when he did see you. That rejection is very painful. I'm sure he does care about your daughter, but if you aren't happy, you can't stay with someone because of their kid. NC is good so that you can sort things out with yourself. So that you can remember what you want by yourself and in a relationship, also to heal. It does sound like he gave up hope in your relationship and was ready to move on. Did he ever discuss how he felt with you?
Author ImYours Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 I did in a way push him away. I was there but at least once a week I would have lunch with my girlfriend. I had and have my issues he knows them. He has his too. We both trying to work on them. So I know who's fault in the breakup...is mine. But I had been doing better. I thought I was getting better at managing my time. I think he just got tired and started to move on. It's therapeutic to write this out. However; I didn't want to lose or breakup with him. He didn't want to move to my place he liked where he lived never anyplace else. I have uprooted so many times. I was finally in a stable gorgeous home for my daughter and I. He sash what they all say need space to see who he is what he wants....that's why I question the NC it's hard. I wish he would talk to my daughter and say a goodbye or I love u. I just want to take steps to be back in his arms. It is solo painful. I know everyone here hurting. Can't eat, sleep catch ur breath. My heart hurts so much I feel like I will burst
KatZee Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I did in a way push him away. I was there but at least once a week I would have lunch with my girlfriend. I had and have my issues he knows them. He has his too. We both trying to work on them. So I know who's fault in the breakup...is mine. But I had been doing better. I thought I was getting better at managing my time. I think he just got tired and started to move on. It's therapeutic to write this out. However; I didn't want to lose or breakup with him. He didn't want to move to my place he liked where he lived never anyplace else. I have uprooted so many times. I was finally in a stable gorgeous home for my daughter and I. He sash what they all say need space to see who he is what he wants....that's why I question the NC it's hard. I wish he would talk to my daughter and say a goodbye or I love u. I just want to take steps to be back in his arms. It is solo painful. I know everyone here hurting. Can't eat, sleep catch ur breath. My heart hurts so much I feel like I will burst If you knew you had your issues then why didn't you try harder? You lived an hour and a half away and you only made time to see him like once a week? That's not a relationship, that's a friendship at best. You barely saw him, there was no intimacy, you put your friends above him... I mean I can understand why he found someone else and is already moving on so quickly... there really wasn't much there for him in terms of what he wanted and needed out of a relationship. I get that you think you were "working" on your problems but I mean you guys were together for FOUR YEARS, not a few months, not a year... four years is more than enough time to prove to him what you are, and what you AREN'T going to be in a relationship. I think it just became a situation in where he wasn't having his needs fulfilled and now he's gone. And now you're stuck in a position where you realize what you have when he's gone. That's not the right mentality to have. You need to know what you have, WHEN you have it, because that is when you'll put forth the full effort in a relationship. Not once it gets taken from you. 1
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