mishy Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 So its about 24 hrs NC. He told me about the new girl 2 and a half weeks ago (3 weeks this sunday) After one day of begging and pleading i went NC for 13 days then cracked and it all went downhill from there. about 5 days contact after that, and now i am NC. I woke up today and looked around my bedroom and realised that my bedroom isn't helping me any. There are lots of reminders in there after 5 years and they need to go. So I got rid of bedside tables, it sounds dumb but im reminded by how he used to ferret through one of the drawers looking for condoms, is a memory i dont need every time i look at that stupid bedside table! I got new ones that were simple and white and uncluttery. I am renovating my kitchen anyway and about to paint it so i decided to do the bedroom first. Paint over the old paint just making it white. I am putting the bed in a different position in the room, just want to make everything new and different. Is this going to help me forget him?
theLWord Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 Congrats on the new NC. I think it will help you not to be so reminded by him, yeah. It might help to take a hammer to the tables if you need to! Just try to keep yourself busy and do everything YOU want to do.
Author mishy Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Congrats on the new NC. I think it will help you not to be so reminded by him, yeah. It might help to take a hammer to the tables if you need to! Just try to keep yourself busy and do everything YOU want to do. its probably a bit dumb for me to think painting and moving things around will change anything, but i really need to draw a line between then and now. Just woke up with an overwhelming urge to do it, even though its hot and strenuous and irritating! Have done the ceiling so it already looks better.
theLWord Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 its probably a bit dumb for me to think painting and moving things around will change anything, but i really need to draw a line between then and now. Just woke up with an overwhelming urge to do it, even though its hot and strenuous and irritating! Have done the ceiling so it already looks better. I don't think it's stupid. It's normal to want to get rid of everything that reminds you of your ex. I know before I blocked my exes number, I would check my phone a few times an hour and when one of my friend's text me, I wanted it to be her. My phone reminded me of her since we talked so much. I finally blocked her so I don't have to worry about that. Work on yourself, too.. I know I am personally on a new mission to lose some lbs for sure. Now is as good as ever! I have plenty of time for me.
CC12 Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 its probably a bit dumb for me to think painting and moving things around will change anything It's not dumb. Obviously you know it's not going to magically fix everything, but keeping yourself occupied doing positive things is good for you. It's sometimes amazing how your surroundings can influence your state of mind. Do you feel better?
oracle Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 If its a distraction and burning thru the hours as opposed to sitting around crying then its well worth it. Sadly only time heals this... and finding someone you like a little bit more
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I'm so proud of you for taking charge! And it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do what you believe helps you in the process of moving forward. I did the same things you did. Changed furniture around. Threw out reminders i.e. his favorite plate, beer mug, etc., threw his pillow out, rearranged my bedroom. There was a spot in the living room where he would lay down on the floor, I arranged the furniture so the couch would be over it. It stopped me from looking at the empty space and going, "oh, he used to lay there..sob..sob." It helps to eliminate triggers. Forgetting him is a process and this is a little part of it. The longer you can keep your mind off him,the less you focus on romanticizing those moments when triggered by your surroundings, the better you handle yourself emotionally. That in turn helps you stay rational. All the little momentos and trinkets, place in a box and shove it away. Create a new space for yourself. It's time to start your beginning!
Author mishy Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 I'm so proud of you for taking charge! And it doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do what you believe helps you in the process of moving forward. I did the same things you did. Changed furniture around. Threw out reminders i.e. his favorite plate, beer mug, etc., threw his pillow out, rearranged my bedroom. There was a spot in the living room where he would lay down on the floor, I arranged the furniture so the couch would be over it. It stopped me from looking at the empty space and going, "oh, he used to lay there..sob..sob." It helps to eliminate triggers. Forgetting him is a process and this is a little part of it. The longer you can keep your mind off him,the less you focus on romanticizing those moments when triggered by your surroundings, the better you handle yourself emotionally. That in turn helps you stay rational. All the little momentos and trinkets, place in a box and shove it away. Create a new space for yourself. It's time to start your beginning! the position of the bed in the room created those triggers, i only hope i can actually fit it where i want it to go! The only downside to this is the painting is so much work! And the wall colour was so dark, and quite intense so i need to get rid of that, as that is a strong reminder of him. Pretty much making everything white, to purify myself
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 the position of the bed in the room created those triggers, i only hope i can actually fit it where i want it to go! The only downside to this is the painting is so much work! And the wall colour was so dark, and quite intense so i need to get rid of that, as that is a strong reminder of him. Pretty much making everything white, to purify myself Very symbolic! Yes, no dark colors. If you can't fit the bed there, place something else there or redecorate with other pieces. I used to hate walking into my bedroom looking at his "spots". Painting is so much work but it's a good way to distract yourself and keep busy. Look at it as part of your healing. I remember a few years into my marriage, my ex was going through a bad phase. I was getting depressed. I decided to paint the whole condo. Replaced all the doors myself. Stripped and caulked all the bathrooms. Created a new backsplash out of broken glass for the kitchen. I felt so good about my accomplishments and it certainly took my mind off him. You're on the right track!
Author mishy Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Very symbolic! Yes, no dark colors. If you can't fit the bed there, place something else there or redecorate with other pieces. I used to hate walking into my bedroom looking at his "spots". Painting is so much work but it's a good way to distract yourself and keep busy. Look at it as part of your healing. I remember a few years into my marriage, my ex was going through a bad phase. I was getting depressed. I decided to paint the whole condo. Replaced all the doors myself. Stripped and caulked all the bathrooms. Created a new backsplash out of broken glass for the kitchen. I felt so good about my accomplishments and it certainly took my mind off him. You're on the right track! i do feel better already, mostly anger is starting to creep in about the fact that he was probably seeing her for months and should have just told me earlier. I dunno. He says its only been 2 or 3 weeks. I think a while ago i was telling him i was going to repaint the bedroom and I said i was going to do it white and he didnt like that idea lol SO I AM DOING IT WHITE:lmao: He didnt even lie the colour that it was (kind of a purple) he was so critical!!! The a$$ i hope she cheats on him, something i would never have done (and he knows that) It will serve him right.
geegirl Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 i do feel better already, mostly anger is starting to creep in about the fact that he was probably seeing her for months and should have just told me earlier. I dunno. He says its only been 2 or 3 weeks. I think a while ago i was telling him i was going to repaint the bedroom and I said i was going to do it white and he didnt like that idea lol SO I AM DOING IT WHITE:lmao: He didnt even lie the colour that it was (kind of a purple) he was so critical!!! The a$$ i hope she cheats on him, something i would never have done (and he knows that) It will serve him right. See, he didn't tell you because they never give up their options. Paint it whatever color you like. It's your domain and you get to choose what you want. He doesn't get to control you anymore.
Author mishy Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 See, he didn't tell you because they never give up their options. Paint it whatever color you like. It's your domain and you get to choose what you want. He doesn't get to control you anymore. yeah and the constant stress he caused too. He is very controlling,
Under The Radar Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I too, am VERY proud of you Take NC one day and a time and learn from your mistakes. Yes, moving things around, painting, and redecorating your home will help. Please be well and take care Josh
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