Lost my second chance with the girl I love, talking to her tomorrow.. LONG

[thatguyyouknow]

My ex-gf and I dated for a year and a month. We've been broken up for 4 months now. We kept in contact once every few weeks or so and I'd run by to see how she and her kid were doing. We had a very loving relationship. She wanted to move in together and I wanted to give it a little more time, though I loved her very much. So she got her place and I got mine. About that time she said she needed space so we mutually broke up.

 

3 months go by and I ask her out for drinks one night. (BTW, she didn't sleep with anyone or have any bf's to my knowledge as she was waiting for us to get back together.) We had a blast and the connection was still there! It was like old times.. It took all that I had to 'get over' this girl (so I thought I had). About 2 weeks before I'd finally moved on in my head. We go back to my place and we sleep together. For some unGodly reason I say that we should be FWB. I think I was just guarding my heart because the first breakup was very painful for me. I told myself I'd give it 30 days and if things were still going well I'd ask her to be my gf again.

 

3 weeks go by and I saw her/stayed the night atleast 15 times. Everything was perfect. We'd cuddle, make out, talk about life and the universe, had amazing sex, she'd make me breakfast, give me massages, everything a good relationship should be. I held on to "I don't want a relationship right now" for the first 1 1/2 weeks but didn't say that the last half. My emotions were getting very tied in. I realized that I still love this girl and her son with all of my heart.

 

Her roommate moved in who she is good friends with for about 5 months. Apparently she had feelings for him which I didn't see. One night, everything was great. A few days later, they were flirting and whatnot and she was very distance and cold to me. Saw her the next day (she came over to my place which was unusual) and we talked for awhile, she kissed me goodbye. Then saw her 2 days later (she came over again) to watch a movie with me. We made out and I was all over her and asked her to have sex, she decided tonight wasn't a good night for it.

 

I texted her the next day to see if she wanted to watch one of our favorite TV shows since the new one was on, nothing. (It was pretty late I might add.) The next day I asked her how her day was going, nothing. So 4 days later I call and apologized for being all over her and told her that she ment alot to me and I was sory for acting like such a horndog. I felt horrible about it because this made me realize how much I really do love her. My walls I'd placed crashed and my emotions came rushing in. All 1 1/2 years worth all at the same time. She comes over the next day and tells me that she and her roommate are now dating. I can't say I didn't see it coming. BTW, the day after the 'no sex night' was the 30 day mark. So, I was going to ask her out and try to make her mine again..

 

I'm pretty sure she was off-put by the FWB scenario, which I should've been too. That first night should've went something like "let's see where this goes" rather than "Let's just have sex like adults with no strings." I don't know what I was thinking. I saw her last night, 6 days after the news and took her and her son to the fair. She was very distant but atleast I was able to see her son which made me happy. She invited me to go trick or treating tonight but I had to work. We're supposed to meet up for a beer tomorrow and catch up like we usually do.

 

This has been killing me so badly since the day I realized how much I love her. the past 10 days have been hell on me, the past 6 worse since I now know that I've lost her. We're very good friends and she wants to stay close, as do I but I don't think I can take it.

 

When I meet her I need to tell her basically all that I just wrote, and let her know that I can't see her for atleast a month. It's not fair to her new BF to be hanging out with the guy she was just sleeping with weeks ago/ex bf at that. That I truly have feelings for her and she is the one for me. And that it will kill me if I see her anytime in the near future. That I regret not starting it back up when the fire was burning and that she may be 'the one that got away' for me.

 

If anything, this has been therapy for me to write this out. I'm very hung up on this girl as I've never met anyone like her and our love was so great at one time. Thank you for reading this long ass post. If anyone has some advice on the situation I'd appreciate it. Any way to get her back or just move on? I'd love nothing more than to have her in mine arms again. Otherwise, this is going down tomorrow.

[theLWord]

I think you're giving her too much slack.. How do you know for sure that she didn't want space to begin with because she was already seeing that guy? (Maybe it was just emotional at first.) That would be my guess. I think if she wanted to be with you, she would've put more pressure on you than to just be friends with benefits. She might have been unsure who she wanted to choose and that's why she didn't have sex with you the last time, or was having sex with the other guy and felt bad for his sake.

 

I don't think it's your fault since she broke up with you because she wanted space. And obviously you were smart by not moving in for her just to tell you something like that shortly after. Did you feel like it wasn't right yet? Your instinct is usually right. You are realizing how much you love her now because you don't have her. You are going into freak out mode, glorifying everything. I think the worst thing you could do is to see her or tell her any of this. No begging, it will just boost her ego and push her further away. She's moved on and it wasn't your decision even. You should go NC with her. If you decide not to, you'll eventually realize the pain of seeing her will be far worse than if you didn't.

[thatguyyouknow]

Thank you very much for your reply. You're helping me put it into perspective. It's very possible that she's had feelings for this guy for awhile. I wonder why she didn't have him move in while we were broken up for months or start dating him sooner. Maybe she did still have feelings for me yet weren't as strong as looking for something new. Maybe she used me to make him jealous. It all seemed so real though.. Maybe she still is. Since her new bf doesn't like me around (I can understand why), and I don't want to see him either, I feel like were sneaking around with our friendship like an unintimate affair of something. She does let him know when we hang out but I'm definitely the man on the side.

 

I'm not expecting her to come back to me if I get this off my chest. I just need her to know that my emotions were strong and true, and I did us both a horrible disservice with initiating FWB. It's just that, I feel I'll explode if I hold these feelings In any longer. Then tell her I need my space to heal if we do really want to be friends and go NC.

 

And just another thought. Considering they've moved in together at the very beginning of the relationship, they may have doomed themselves IMO. What do you guys think? Thanks

[theLWord]

Even if she did come back, could you ever trust that she wouldn't ''want space'' again or that she wouldn't talk to this guy behind your back like she's been doing with you? "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.''

 

Maybe you did yourself a disservice with initiating FWB, because it made you hold onto something that wasn't the same for her. I don't blame you for keeping your distance by just wanting fwbs for a while. However, that doesn't change the fact that SHE wanted ''space.'' It was already done at that point. If she really wanted it to be different, she would've been trying to get you back.

 

And it could be a rebound, maybe she pressured him to move in too. Either way, you can't worry about the details. She wanted her space, so give it to her. Stop taking the blame for it. You didn't do anything wrong except prolong the pain by still having sex with her. She obviously didn't care because she had been talking to this guy. I'd really suggest if you are for sure going to see her, to not take the blame, or you will walk away with an even more bruised ego. Be prepared for her not to care.