ascendotum Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 I read it and continue to go back to this thread several times a day to glance over various things. Honestly, I'm very frustrated and my head starts to hurt when I focus on this topic too much. It's obvious to me that things are not going the way I want and that I most likely won't go on a single date or even hang out with anybody from this class or anything else. Ugh this thread is starting to become too much like the one in the other section. The storm clouds moved in fast. Really the prospects on all 5 are dimming? How did you go with the asian girl you liked the most. I get the impression you had a bit of a more personal chat to her and things did not turn out like you hoped eh. That's a shame.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 (edited) It's pretty simple. If you do it right, you can bang multiple girls without them knowing each other. (they can't be friends, of course) Yes! Please bang multiple women behind each other's backs. This way, It's like Russian Roulette and they won't know from who their STD came from. So much fun! Weeeeeeeeee! Somedude, the problem is that you don't seem to have any standards for picking women you like. You only focused on these women because you think they could be interested in you but it doesn't sound like you really like any of them, not when there is 5 of them you want to ask out. Women like men that know enough about themselves to know what they like and don't like. Despite your desire to ask them out like they are your personal harem, most women don't want to be one of the crowd. I wonder what your Salsa Teacher thinks being that you've taken Salso so much lol. But you get brownie points for finding a productive way to meet women. You just need to work on yourself some more. If not that, there is always the "p" word. And you really like that so...... Edited November 14, 2012 by Disenchantedly Yours
Author somedude81 Posted November 14, 2012 Author Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks Meeks7, it's alot to think about. The storm clouds moved in fast. Really the prospects on all 5 are dimming? How did you go with the asian girl you liked the most. I get the impression you had a bit of a more personal chat to her and things did not turn out like you hoped eh. That's a shame. The Asian girl seems to be pretty close to the other guy. I actually ran into her 20 or so minutes after class ended and she was with that guy, probably on their way to get lunch. It really bugs me because I know that if he wasn't there, it would be me with her. Out of all the girls in the class, she's the one I feel I click with the most. Shes also a gamer. Two of the girls seem to be good friends and they carpool together and seem to have the next class together too. Both girls are very friendly with me but I don't know if any one of them has any interest in me. I'm more interested in the girl that's about my height, but I'd be perfectly happy with the other one too. Also annoying there is a guy who hangs out with them and walks with them to the next class. I don't know if any of them are seeing the guy. Girl number 4 is one I've been talking to more often in class recently. She has the added benefit of not really knowing anybody in the class so I could easily spend more time with her. Basically I don't have to compete with anybody for her attention. 5 has kind of dropped off and I haven't had much opportunity to talk to her Just in case anybody was wondering, I have no idea if any of these girls are even single. This Friday is the big social dance on campus and I plan on at least dancing with all the above girls. Also due to the nature of the dance, odds are that if the girl brings a guy with her, it's her boyfriend. If she doesn't bring a guy, she's single. Hopefully I can find out whose single and possibly spend some more time with them at the dance. Somedude, the problem is that you don't seem to have any standards for picking women you like. Excuse me?! I don't seem to have any standards because there are several women I'm considering? You only focused on these women because you think they could be interested in you but it doesn't sound like you really like any of them, not when there is 5 of them you want to ask out.Once again, excuse me?! What gives you the idea that I don't like any of them? And no, a girl is not automatically on the list because I think she could be interested in me; their are 2-3 other girls in the class that I think could be interested in me, but I'm not attracted to them at all. Women like men that know enough about themselves to know what they like and don't like. Okay... I'm pretty sure I know enough about myself to know what I like. Do you think that's not the case because there are several girls on my mind? Despite your desire to ask them out like they are your personal harem, most women don't want to be one of the crowd. My own personal harem WTF? Can I have some of that hookah that you're smoking? What do you think I should do? Solely focus on girl? What do I do if she rejects me? Wait till next year to try with another girl? You may not know, but I've already tried that, spent almost two years trying to win somebody over. It failed miserably and I'm still hurting. I wonder what your Salsa Teacher thinks being that you've taken Salso so much lol.There are three other guys who take salsa every semester and they've been there longer than me. Since there are about 2 girls for every guy, I bet the teacher is glad to have guys in the class who know what they are doing. I'm sure he thinks we take the class alot because we think its fun. But you get brownie points for finding a productive way to meet women. You just need to work on yourself some more. If not that, there is always the "p" word. And you really like that so......P word? Prostitutes, pussy, porn penis? Pizza? Definitely pizza.
BubblyBeth Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Thanks Meeks7, it's alot to think about. Honey (I mean that in a friendly way), that's the issue. You overthink things... to the point where you mentally and physically exhaust yourself and thus, no action is taken. And when no action is taken, then you have the same life problems repeating because of no change in life decisions or routines. The more you just do, and the less you overanalyze, the better off you will be. Nike had it right: JUST DO IT. Quit double guessing and triple checking. Just take action. I'd seriously see a professional therapist if I were you. FYI, I had a therapist in college. It's nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, over half of my closest girl friends (considered by the world to be "healthy, normal, attractive" females) have had therapists at one point or another. Having a therapist is nothing to be ashamed of. Get over the stigma/fear/doubt and just try it out (again). I agree with my BF, you really just need someone to love you, and love comes in various forms, including platonic friends and therapists.
PJKino Posted November 14, 2012 Posted November 14, 2012 Yes! Please bang multiple women behind each other's backs. This way, It's like Russian Roulette and they won't know from who their STD came from. So much fun! Weeeeeeeeee! Somedude, the problem is that you don't seem to have any standards for picking women you like. You only focused on these women because you think they could be interested in you but it doesn't sound like you really like any of them, not when there is 5 of them you want to ask out. Women like men that know enough about themselves to know what they like and don't like. Despite your desire to ask them out like they are your personal harem, most women don't want to be one of the crowd. I wonder what your Salsa Teacher thinks being that you've taken Salso so much lol. But you get brownie points for finding a productive way to meet women. You just need to work on yourself some more. If not that, there is always the "p" word. And you really like that so...... For us guys in our 30's who never been with a women before it has to be a numbers game We cant run around waiting for a mythical soulmate to ask out that doesnt exist plus chances any random will say yes to us is slim to none to begin with so we have to look at it as a numbers game and hope we get a women we kind of fidn interesting to say yes and take it form there to see if theyres any chemistry
ChessPieceFace Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Solution - sign up for 4 more salsa classes, and one weekly session of physical therapy.
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Damn, I'm disappointed. Though I somehow knew I would be. The white girl that I thought I was staring to get closer to in class has a boyfriend. After dancing with another girl I was staring to get into, I realized that she isn't into me at all and she took off as soon as the dance ended. So she's also off my list. I wasn't able to dance with the Asian girl because she was always taken by some guy I've never seen before, I don't think he's her boyfriend but it was annoying having her be occupied for all the dances I know. Eventually I got to have a conversation with her, but I was tired an already a little bummed so it wasn't really anything. I'll see her on Monday and maybe I can talk to her a bit then. But it might already be too late with her. I didn't see the other two girls at the dance. As a side note, I think one or two of the bigger girls might like me. I'm not at all into girls that weigh more than I do, so that's not even a possibility. I don't want to make this a thread about big girls so I'll leave it at that.
iris219 Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 As a side note, I think one or two of the bigger girls might like me. I'm not at all into girls that weigh more than I do, so that's not even a possibility. I don't want to make this a thread about big girls so I'll leave it at that. Would you be willing to TRY to get to know one of these women to see if the attraction grows? It often does when we know and like a person. 1
Els Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 (edited) Eh, them's the breaks. As a high school friend very wisely told me: "Some people whom you like don't like you back, some people like you and you don't like them back" . My experience and observation has been that mutual attraction is not all that common (happens, just not in the 'millions of fish in the sea' way that people seem to describe), so the situation you describe in your dance class seems fairly normal. Given that you seem to have hit a block there, might want to broaden your horizon with other clubs/classes or groups of friends. Edit: Also, I'm not going to comment on the size of the girls, as requested, because I actually believe that we all are attracted to what we're attracted to, and there is nothing wrong with that. I just hope you'll understand that your singlehood at this point IS a CHOICE of yours - and really, not a bad choice at all, if the alternative is being with someone whom you're not attracted to. But you need to remember this when you fall into the recurring self-defeating trap of thinking/saying, "No women are interested in me." Because, as you can see, it isn't true. There are women who are interested in you, it just so happens that up to this point, you have not met any whom you were attracted to. Edited November 17, 2012 by Elswyth 2
xxoo Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 As a side note, I think one or two of the bigger girls might like me. I'm not at all into girls that weigh more than I do, so that's not even a possibility. I don't want to make this a thread about big girls so I'll leave it at that. I don't understand this at all. It is no different from a woman dismissing you, without even getting to know you, based on some arbitrary height or income requirement. You don't have to date them, but flirt and be friendly and get to know them! You should be flirting with all kinds of women, for practice, anyway. Maybe you'll never grow attracted--that's ok. You can still treat women like women, and be flirty. Heck, my H flirts with my 90 year old gma! Treat women like women, and women will treat you like a man. 3
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 Would you be willing to TRY to get to know one of these women to see if the attraction grows? It often does when we know and like a person. No. Attraction is not going to grow from nothing. Eh, them's the breaks. As a high school friend very wisely told me: "Some people whom you like don't like you back, some people like you and you don't like them back" . My experience and observation has been that mutual attraction is not all that common (happens, just not in the 'millions of fish in the sea' way that people seem to describe), so the situation you describe in your dance class seems fairly normal. Given that you seem to have hit a block there, might want to broaden your horizon with other clubs/classes or groups of friends. I'm 31 years old and I haven't been living in a cave. I have never had an experience of mutual attraction. No one I have ever liked has been attracted to me. I hope I don't have to explain why that is depressing for me. Edit: Also, I'm not going to comment on the size of the girls, as requested, because I actually believe that we all are attracted to what we're attracted to, and there is nothing wrong with that. I just hope you'll understand that your singlehood at this point IS a CHOICE of yours - and really, not a bad choice at all, if the alternative is being with someone whom you're not attracted to. But you need to remember this when you fall into the recurring self-defeating trap of thinking/saying, "No women are interested in me." Because, as you can see, it isn't true. There are women who are interested in you, it just so happens that up to this point, you have not met any whom you were attracted to. No I don't think of it as a choice. I can't choose what I'm attracted to. And I do know that if I was dating a woman I had no interest in, both of us would be very unhappy. You don't have to date them, but flirt and be friendly and get to know them! You should be flirting with all kinds of women, for practice, anyway. That's exactly what I do already. I treat all women the same regardless if I'm attracted to them or not. I try to be fun, friendly and make sure they have a good time.
Els Posted November 17, 2012 Posted November 17, 2012 Ah, but it is a choice. A good one, in my opinion, but still a choice. It's like a person on a diet going for the salad instead of the BigMac. They had a choice, but simply chose the one that would be best for their health/life. What I'm trying to say, is that there ARE women interested in you. That means that things are nowhere near as hopeless as you sometimes believe. Believe me, no matter how a woman looks like, or how large or small she is, we are all similarly women underneath. If those girls could be attracted to you, other girls can be as well. You should take their attraction to you as something positive (and I don't mean lead them on) and an encouragement. 2
Author somedude81 Posted November 17, 2012 Author Posted November 17, 2012 I made a thread to discus that topic. I rather keep this thread to talking about girls that I am interested in.
Meeks7 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) SomeDude, One thing I have pondered is something you said a few pages back. You said you don't get these girls' emails or numbers, because you don't know how to. And I assume, other than Danielle, that this has been the case for you all along (i.e. since 2009 or whenever you returned to college). Yet I seem to recall you claiming in past threads "I can make female friends easily." It seems your definition of "friends" is a little different from the norm. A friend is definitely someone whose number you get. It seems to me from reading your posts over the past year there is a gap between reality and your perception of that reality. I don't know if you've ever really even had an honest to goodness female FRIEND. You claim it's easy for you to make them and you have, but your answer of never getting their emails or numbers, and not knowing how to, contradicts your original claim. Sorry bro, I'm not trying to bust you or anything, but this is an honest to goodness observation I've silently made and am now voicing. It seems your mind likes to believe one thing, but reality says otherwise. If you could clarify your stance, that would be great. Though the problem is what do I do after that? I have girls that like being around me. Though if I don't do anything, we will stay nothing more than class buddies and only see each other in class. I've been in this situation more times than I'd care to remember and it always ends the same way. Once the semester ends, we go our separate ways and never see each other again. Why should I settle for that when I want so much more? Danielle was the last girl I broke through the class buddy barrier with, but everything turned out so wrong with her I lost all confidence in myself and became completely unsure of what to do with the next girl(s). It's also been a year since I spent anytime with a girl outside of class, of course Danielle was that last girl. the bold part... that's not a friend. you were not a real friend to them, and they weren't a real friend to you. so, you make female "friends" easily? yet you don't know how to get their emails or numbers? Something just doesn't add up here. Edited November 18, 2012 by Meeks7 1
Author somedude81 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 SomeDude, One thing I have pondered is something you said a few pages back. You said you don't get these girls' emails or numbers, because you don't know how to. And I assume, other than Danielle, that this has been the case for you all along (i.e. since 2009 or whenever you returned to college). Yet I seem to recall you claiming in past threads "I can make female friends easily." It seems your definition of "friends" is a little different from the norm. A friend is definitely someone whose number you get. You are forgetting the part where I've said I don't want to make friends with girls. I could get their numbers in a friendly context but then I fear that they will start to think of me as a guy who just wants to be friends. I want her to know I'm interested in being more than friends when I ask for her number, and her to at least have the possibility of being more than friends with me when she gives me her number. Obviously I don't know if wanting to do it that way is correct. It seems to me from reading your posts over the past year there is a gap between reality and your perception of that reality. I don't know if you've ever really even had an honest to goodness female FRIEND. You claim it's easy for you to make them and you have, but your answer of never getting their emails or numbers, and not knowing how to, contradicts your original claim. I have always gotten the numbers of my female friends. How else am I supposed to talk to them and hang out with them if we can't communicate? Dude I'm 31. What happened in the past couple years doesn't encompass my entire life. I don't know the exact number but I think I've had about 10 very close female friends that I often spent time with in my life so far. Dani was just the most recent and hopefully the last one. I don't want to play the friends only game when I'm trying to get a GF. the bold part... that's not a friend. you were not a real friend to them, and they weren't a real friend to you. so, you make female "friends" easily? yet you don't know how to get their emails or numbers? Something just doesn't add up here. I never said they were friends. And of course, I had no desire to make them my friends. Making friends with girls and being able to attract girls so they want to date you, are two completely different skill sets.
xxoo Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Making friends with girls and being able to attract girls so they want to date you, are two completely different skill sets. In a Venn diagram, there would be a significant amt of overlap. Attracting girls so they want to date you is a little extra, but often includes skills in the set of "making friends". You seem to be missing both skill sets, and you are going to need both to succeed.
Author somedude81 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 In a Venn diagram, there would be a significant amt of overlap. Attracting girls so they want to date you is a little extra, but often includes skills in the set of "making friends". You seem to be missing both skill sets, and you are going to need both to succeed. I know there is some overlap. But not much. But still if there wasn't any separation then women would have no problem having sex with guys that were just friends with.
Imajerk17 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 (edited) I know there is some overlap. But not much. But still if there wasn't any separation then women would have no problem having sex with guys that were friends with. Actually, there is A LOT of overlap. Unless you happen to be a Bad Boy who attracts women with animal appeal for ONS and NSA sex, but those type of guys typically aren't on LS asking for advice. Not every guy who has female friends is successful with women, but most every guy who is successful with women has female friends. Women are friends with us because they like masculine energy. That same masculine energy is what attracts a woman to a man to want to be his girlfriend. Keep in mind the following: When you ask a woman out and she says "let's just be friends" she probably doesn't really consider you to be her friend. Edited November 18, 2012 by Imajerk17
Lonely Ronin Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 But still if there wasn't any separation then women would have no problem having sex with guys that were just friends with. Fail man, Fail Women are no different from men in this regard. I have female friends That are very very attractive, but I would never sleep with them. The number one reason is because while we match up well physically, and socially, we are drastically different romantically.
SteveC80 Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Actually, there is A LOT of overlap. Unless you happen to be a Bad Boy who attracts women with animal appeal for ONS and NSA sex, but those type of guys typically aren't on LS asking for advice. Not every guy who has female friends is successful with women, but most every guy who is successful with women has female friends. Women are friends with us because they like masculine energy. That same masculine energy is what attracts a woman to a man to want to be his girlfriend. Keep in mind the following: When you ask a woman out and she says "let's just be friends" she probably doesn't really consider you to be her friend. I agree he needs to tap into social skills because lot of women have very little control of their emotions and feelings if you make her feel something for you then you have a good shot.. Ive had women tell other people im arrogant and the next minute try to jump my bones because they had STRONG FEELINGS for me even if some of it was negative it was still strong.. I have married friends wives who almost ruined their relationship by groping me and hitting on me because i made thme feel comfortable and made em laugh uncontrollably.. WOmen are connection/emotional bond junkies its their weakness and one of the reason why frankly i dont trust being in a relationship with one because thye can easily stray that way but thats another story for another day.. if you can tap into that weakness you will have sucess..
Author somedude81 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Actually, there is A LOT of overlap. Unless you happen to be a Bad Boy who attracts women with animal appeal for ONS and NSA sex, but those type of guys typically aren't on LS asking for advice. Not every guy who has female friends is successful with women, but most every guy who is successful with women has female friends. Women are friends with us because they like masculine energy. That same masculine energy is what attracts a woman to a man to want to be his girlfriend. Keep in mind the following: When you ask a woman out and she says "let's just be friends" she probably doesn't really consider you to be her friend. Look at this from my point of view: I've had lots of female friends. I've never had sex with any of them, nor had sex with friends of my female friends.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Look at this from my point of view: I've had lots of female friends. I've never had sex with any of them, nor had sex with friends of my female friends. Define lots, give us a rough number?
Author somedude81 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Define lots, give us a rough number? Thirty billion.
Lonely Ronin Posted November 18, 2012 Posted November 18, 2012 Thirty billion. Typical smart-ass response from you, when you don't want to own up to your issues...
Author somedude81 Posted November 18, 2012 Author Posted November 18, 2012 Typical smart-ass response from you, when you don't want to own up to your issues... It's because your question was complete BS. It doesn't matter if it was 10, 20 or 100 girls. My previous point still stands that I've never slept with any of my friends, or any of my friends friends and so on.
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