Hate how I can't ask out a bunch of girls at once

[yongyong]

It's pretty simple. If you do it right, you can bang multiple girls without them knowing each other. (they can't be friends, of course)

 

When you dance with them during class (they rotate it constantly right?), you can tell their interest level by how they look at you, how they grab your hand, how they rest their hands on your shoulder.

 

If you want to get to know them further, ask them to dance after the class. I say you have 50% chance for asking them out if they don't mind dancing with you after class.

 

You can get their digits after this extra practice but I wouldn't move forward if you want to work on other girls. (you had a date with her. you ask another girl to dance with you. Obviously she will be pissed and zip up her pants.)

So get her number just as a friend for special practice. She can't say anything when she sees you asking another girl to dance with you. Actually it will make her jealous you are the fun guy who dances with multiple girls.

After the whole session (typically 6 weeks), you can ask each girls out on a date and close the deal.

 

For the asian girl, forget about the guy. maybe she is waiting for you to hit on her, who knows? just ask her to dance with you after the class. If she refuses such innocent offer, then you can forget about her.

[ascendotum]

My God this Asian girl in my salsa class.

 

She's so fun, nice and warm. She makes me feel so good when I'm with her. Once it was time to go she gave me a tight hug.

 

Unfortunately she seems to like another dude in the class and they often leave together. If he wasn't in the class or didn't receive any attention from her, I would have asked her out a long time ago.

 

So frustrating.

 

SD, he might be her bf or maybe just another single guy who's just beat you to her, or maybe another guy like you who likes her but has not asked her out or maybe a guy who is not into her. Next time you dance with her, ask her if he's her bf. If the answer is no then ask her if she wants to spend time doing something with you after the lesson.

[somedude81]

It's pretty simple. If you do it right, you can bang multiple girls without them knowing each other. (they can't be friends, of course)

 

When you dance with them during class (they rotate it constantly right?), you can tell their interest level by how they look at you, how they grab your hand, how they rest their hands on your shoulder.

That's who I narrowed it down to 5 or so girls. It's all about how they interact, respond and look at me. It doesn't matter how hot somebody is. If they're cold to me, I don't want to waste my time with them.

If you want to get to know them further, ask them to dance after the class. I say you have 50% chance for asking them out if they don't mind dancing with you after class.

 

 

You can get their digits after this extra practice but I wouldn't move forward if you want to work on other girls. (you had a date with her. you ask another girl to dance with you. Obviously she will be pissed and zip up her pants.)

 

So get her number just as a friend for special practice. She can't say anything when she sees you asking another girl to dance with you. Actually it will make her jealous you are the fun guy who dances with multiple girls.

After the whole session (typically 6 weeks), you can ask each girls out on a date and close the deal.

 

 

For the asian girl, forget about the guy. maybe she is waiting for you to hit on her, who knows? just ask her to dance with you after the class. If she refuses such innocent offer, then you can forget about her.

What do you mean by after class? If you mean right after class that isn't possible as another class uses the room. Or do you mean take her to a dance club?

 

 

 

SD, he might be her bf or maybe just another single guy who's just beat you to her, or maybe another guy like you who likes her but has not asked her out or maybe a guy who is not into her. Next time you dance with her, ask her if he's her bf. If the answer is no then ask her if she wants to spend time doing something with you after the lesson.

I think he's just like me. A guy who met her in the class and just beat me to her.

 

Can I really ask her if there is something between them?

[yongyong]

Oh I thought your class is like mine lol

In my class, you can stay more after class.

Even though there is 5 minute, you can still ask them 'hey can we go over that technique?' that way you guys can talk more after the class and go to parking lot together. If her vibe is really good, ask her 'you wanna get some coffee?'

 

I think it would be a rookie move if you ask her 'hey is that your boyyyy frieeeend??' just talk to her after class or go over the dance move real quick. See if she says 'I gotta go' and leave with him, see if the guy waits for her while you guys talk.

If the guy leaves because you are talking to her, then it's a good sign.

 

 

 

What do you mean by after class? If you mean right after class that isn't possible as another class uses the room. Or do you mean take her to a dance club?

 

I think he's just like me. A guy who met her in the class and just beat me to her.

 

Can I really ask her if there is something between them?

[ascendotum]

Can I really ask her if there is something between them?

 

Definitely. It's not that personal. She gives you nice tight hugs. Just ask in a casual manner, how you have noticed her spending more time with him, is her your bf now, or you have noticed she seems really keen on x, does she really fancy him for her new bf. If you engage in light banter with her, just drop into the conversation, in a jovial not serious manner. I assume your smiling when around her, so she gets a bit of a vibe that you like her or are a happy/fun person.

[Imported]

Flirt with all of them, at once, right in front of all of them. Hide nothing.

[AD1980]

5 women in one class!? What a sexy class. Or what low standards. Either way you need to narrow your field of vision. You will have no luck with the shot gun approach.

 

We, women, want to feel special. Not like one of many options. And if you pay attention we are special. Just like you are.

 

 

Sorry but for us unattractive men is has to be a numbers game we cant just zero in on one girl because the chances a girl is gonna be into us is slim to none

Edited November 6, 2012 by AD1980

[somedude81]

Hmm, one person says to ask if she's seeing the guy, another says not to. Decision 2012. I need more votes!

 

She almost always leaves class with him.

 

I'm really not sure how to handle it.

 

For one we rotate partners and I'd have to go back to her after class ends to talk to her. I would really have no problem doing that if there wasn't another guy.

 

There are other girls, but none seem to like me as much as her (if she likes me at all)

5 women in one class!? What a sexy class. Or what low standards. Either way you need to narrow your field of vision. You will have no luck with the shot gun approach.

 

We, women, want to feel special. Not like one of many options. And if you pay attention we are special. Just like you are.

 

Find the one who is into you. Really into you. Not just for an ego boost. But for you! Try the shot gun approach on a group of women not so connected.

Odds are nobody is really into me, that's why I have to do the shotgun approach.

[Meeks7]

You asked for my advice so here it is.

 

I know it's going to be hard for you, since you are an introvert, and an overanalytical introvert at that... but somehow, someway... you just gotta...

 

STOP OVER THINKING THIS!

 

Take it from Beth and me. Beth is very social, very outgoing, extroverted. Me, I'm more of an introvert. I've opened up over the years and forced myself to do things outside my comfort zone (like going to Africa for a missions trip) but by and large I am an introvert. And as an introvert I know the feeling of daydreaming, plotting, imagining and over-analyzing. You know what? All those years I did those things, I never got anywhere with girls. Because I was way too mechanical, too stilted. I wasn't flexible, fluid or LIVING IN THE MOMENT without too much a care of the outcome or results.

 

You have turned this dating/girlfriend thing into way too much of a business transaction. What do I need to do to get a girlfriend? If I do this, will it work? etc.

 

Man, just relax and have some fun!

 

That's what girls like. Beth gives me a thumbs up and said "I would hit the LIKE button if this were facebook."

 

Girls just wanna be around a guy who is comfortable in his own skin, knows how to relax and have fun. Coz guess what, if you look like you are fun, girls will naturally gravitate more to that!

 

With the amount of time you spend overanalyzing, there's no way there ISN'T a dark cloud lingering over your head. No, people can't see it, but they sure can sense it.

 

Your biggest issue I'm sure isn't your looks or height. It's the burden you've imposed on yourself on making attaining a girlfriend priority #1, #1A and #2. It's not healthy and you're only hurting your %'s.

 

It ain't easy, but I learned how to let it go and just enjoy life. I went to Africa. I didn't go thinking I'd find a girl there or whatever. I just really wanted to help out the orphans there. When I came back, later a guy on the mission trip introduced me to Beth. I was immediately attracted to her, but I had other things going on in my life and she wasn't the be all end all. We hit it off and things went from there. I didn't say a special line to win her over.

 

Didn't happen though until I learned how to live life without obsessing over girls.

 

Wasn't easy for me, and wouldn't be easy for you.

 

But the quicker you can get this, the better off you will be.

[somedude81]

Thanks for posting Meeks7 though I would have prefered it to be about the topic of the thread and not my overall problems.

Man, just relax and have some fun!

 

That's what girls like.

 

Girls just wanna be around a guy who is comfortable in his own skin, knows how to relax and have fun. Coz guess what, if you look like you are fun, girls will naturally gravitate more to that!

I completely agree with you.

 

Though the problem is what do I do after that? I have girls that like being around me. Though if I don't do anything, we will stay nothing more than class buddies and only see each other in class.

 

I've been in this situation more times than I'd care to remember and it always ends the same way. Once the semester ends, we go our separate ways and never see each other again. Why should I settle for that when I want so much more?

 

Danielle was the last girl I broke through the class buddy barrier with, but everything turned out so wrong with her I lost all confidence in myself and became completely unsure of what to do with the next girl(s). It's also been a year since I spent anytime with a girl outside of class, of course Danielle was that last girl.

Edited November 7, 2012 by somedude81

[somedude81]

Little bump before class today.

[Meeks7]

Though the problem is what do I do after that? I have girls that like being around me. Though if I don't do anything, we will stay nothing more than class buddies and only see each other in class.

 

I've been in this situation more times than I'd care to remember and it always ends the same way. Once the semester ends, we go our separate ways and never see each other again. Why should I settle for that when I want so much more?

 

 

-Do you get their emails? Facebook? Cell number? Or is it strictly in-class contact?

 

-Do you ask them out after school and out of school? i.e. to coffee

 

If you do these things, you will find out if she is interested or not. It's not rocket science. If you're tired of the way things are, then break the pattern. Be more assertive, and ask out girls "Wanna get coffe sometime?"

 

Also, again, it goes back to having a social circle. I've invited plenty of girls to social hang-outs, and that provides a safe way for the two of us to get to know each other. I know you said you don't want to talk about friends, but you are cutting off something that would enrich your life, not harm it.

 

Bottom line, ask them out. If they aren't interested, you'll know right away.

[Meeks7]

-Do you get their emails? Facebook? Cell number? Or is it strictly in-class contact?

 

You *DO* get their number or at the very least their email address, don't you SomeDude? (I'm talking OUTSIDE of Danielle). If you aren't, well, there's part of the issue right there.

 

You need to reach out to these girls OUTSIDE of campus. That's why we've said in the past NO CAMPUS LUNCHES!

 

Be bold, be forward, be assertive, be confident. A girl appreciates that. They find it sexy (Beth said "Very sexy"). If all the interaction you have with these crushes (again, outside of Danielle) are strictly on campus, then it's no wonder why after the semester is over nothing ever advances.

[AlexDP]

Right now there are five girls I want to ask out in my salsa class. It would be so convenient if I could get them together and ask "You're all beautiful. Would any of you like to go to the show with me this weekend."

 

The alternative basically requires me to pick a favorite, ask her out, then if she rejects me, move on to the next one and start at ground zero and hope she didn't find out that I asked somebody out before her, because it would make her feel less special or something

 

And thinking a girl that one isn't dating, as special, is a horrible mistake. Simply because there is no guarantee that she will return the feeling. I'm not doing that again.

 

Frankly, if they're all going to reject me, I'd rather get it over with as quickly as possible.

 

I find it amazing that you're attracted to five girls. I think I might like 1 in every 50 girls, so I've never been in a situation where I liked 5 girls in 1 room.

[Meeks7]

I find it amazing that you're attracted to five girls. I think I might like 1 in every 50 girls, so I've never been in a situation where I liked 5 girls in 1 room.

 

Different guys have different "crush" meters. SomeDude seems to have a pretty high one, which is not uncommon. He's going off who looks attractive in his eyes and who he'd like to date.

 

That's not really the problem.

 

The problem, it seems, is he overthinks. And thus, shoots himself in the foot, figuratively speaking. It's basically over before it starts when he carries out his M.O. with his crushes. Same script over and over. Same ending time after time.

 

Posting more about what to do (and then still do the same things he has always been doing) won't help.

 

Changing actions, beliefs and strategies might, however. Time for action, not more what ifs and theories.

[somedude81]

-Do you get their emails? Facebook? Cell number? Or is it strictly in-class contact?

Just in-class contact.

 

I'm not really sure how to get their contact info.

-Do you ask them out after school and out of school? i.e. to coffee

Nope, I haven't asked any of them out yet. Not really sure how I should do that either.

If you do these things, you will find out if she is interested or not. It's not rocket science. If you're tired of the way things are, then break the pattern. Be more assertive, and ask out girls "Wanna get coffe sometime?"

I don't have any idea how to actually do that in conversation.

 

See this is why I do bad with women, not because I over-think.

Also, again, it goes back to having a social circle. I've invited plenty of girls to social hang-outs, and that provides a safe way for the two of us to get to know each other. I know you said you don't want to talk about friends, but you are cutting off something that would enrich your life, not harm it.

I'm not cutting out anything. You and many other people seem to think I'm trying to avoid making friends. That's simply not the case. I'm not turning down invitations to hang with people. They simply don't happen.

Bottom line, ask them out. If they aren't interested, you'll know right away.

Which goes back to the very first post. Should I ask out every single girl I'm into, one after the other?

I find it amazing that you're attracted to five girls. I think I might like 1 in every 50 girls, so I've never been in a situation where I liked 5 girls in 1 room.

You must have some pretty high standards then.

 

There are lots of pretty girls in my class. And after spending a little bit of time with each of them in class, I narrowed it down to the girls that react the best to me.

[Meeks7]

Just in-class contact.

 

I'm not really sure how to get their contact info.

Nope, I haven't asked any of them out yet. Not really sure how I should do that either.

I don't have any idea how to actually do that in conversation.

 

 

Is this just about these 5 women you currently are interested in, or ALL other women in college over the last couple years? (again, outside Danielle).

 

You have your answer right there. If you aren't contacting them off campus, then it's strictly a "casual classmate" set of interactions. It's harmless, it's benign, and the girls don't think anything of it. To you this in-class casual brief spot of interaction (15 seconds to possibly even up to 5 minutes but still super casual and brief and in-class only) might be a big deal, but to them it's whatever, this is natural, this happens and they move on.

 

You, however, cling onto it and get hung up on such a basic element of natural human interaction. I'm not slamming you, just analyzing the data you are providing me with. And the reason I analyze it is not to tear you down but try and help you see it from a perspective you might not be aware of.

 

Basically, you gotta escalate.

 

Right now, and for the longest time, you've been keeping it to very casual, very brief in-class only interaction. Trust me, that will NEVER get you ANYWHERE.

 

How do you ask a girl out?

 

Ask her out.

 

Plain and simple. Easier said than done, but you just gotta do it.

 

I normally engage the girl in a bit of chit-chat, and then I ask her. Like we're talking about how our weekend went, and then I'd just be bold and ask her "Any weekend plans for next?"

 

Her: Not really, you?

 

Me: Well I know there's a ____ at ____ (something you like, but that you know she likes too... to show her you are in tune with her as a whole person). I was thinking of checking it out. Wanna come?

 

Keep it simple, keep it light, and it will naturally progress if both parties are mutually attracted to one another.

 

Right now, you have a bad habit of making every little detail into this major production. Relax. Calm down. And keep it basic and simple.

 

There really is no excuse for not knowing how to get a girl's number or email. This is basic social interaction. What this tells me is your over-obsession of girls in general has basically crippled your instincts in how to interact with them. I'm NOT saying that to be mean, but I'm not going to sugar coat things and pretend like everything will work out A-OK for you Somedude if you keep your trends going.

 

Look at your track record. Something is wrong. It's not you that is wrong. It is your beliefs and actions (or lack thereof). You gotta tweak SOMETHING if you're going to experience dating success.

 

Even in my super socially awkward teenage years, I knew enough of the process where I could chat up a girl in class, ask for her email, continue our conversation there and eventually get her number.

 

The fact that you admitted you don't even know how to do this at age 31 is a little disconcerting, in terms of how you're going to get a girlfriend in the near future (which is your personal goal as everyone can see).

 

You're going to have to address your weaknesses head on and adapt some strategies if you plan to get out.

 

And the whole "I don't avoid making friends" bit is tired. OK so you don't avoid people who reach out to you. But you also know, being a college COMMUTER, and in an older bracket than the average 20 year old college kid, that the chances of someone inviting you out is fairly slim. Well how convenient, there's your out. You can't justify this.

 

Like everyone else, you have to be proactive in making new friends. You can't just say "I'm not against making friends, but then I'm not gonna make an effort on my own, either."

 

It's just an excuse to give yourself an out. It's an illusion I'm afraid to say. One that does a lot more harm than good.

 

I hope you see the spirit of my post, and not just look at the "negative" words. Trust me, I'm not wasting my time just to put you down. Like many people here, we just want to see you rise up. But it's gotten to a point where, quite frankly, professional REAL LIFE care should be heavily considered.

[mortensorchid]

That sounds kind of crazy. It's either a wonderful idea or it's a disasterous one.

[BubblyBeth]

SD,

Any thoughts on my BF's post?

 

For the record, I think he makes a lot of good points. I hope you are considering some of the advice he gave.

[somedude81]

SD,

Any thoughts on my BF's post?

 

For the record, I think he makes a lot of good points. I hope you are considering some of the advice he gave.

It's very frustrating that the only thing I can do is ask them all out which is what he basically said.

 

I don't want to get rejected by a bunch of girls, if I even get that far because they might start to talk about me if I ask out two.

 

You have your answer right there. If you aren't contacting them off campus, then it's strictly a "casual classmate" set of interactions. It's harmless, it's benign, and the girls don't think anything of it. To you this in-class casual brief spot of interaction (15 seconds to possibly even up to 5 minutes but still super casual and brief and in-class only) might be a big deal, but to them it's whatever, this is natural, this happens and they move on.

 

Basically, you gotta escalate.

 

Right now, and for the longest time, you've been keeping it to very casual, very brief in-class only interaction. Trust me, that will NEVER get you ANYWHERE.

I know that my interaction with them is very minor to them and that I mean almost nothing to everybody. With that in mind how am I supposed to get anybody to go on a date with me?

 

There really is no excuse for not knowing how to get a girl's number or email.

Yeah I do not how to get their contact info, but it's the context that matters. Heck, the school has a special website that all students use and I could easily send an email to anybody in any one of my classes.

 

Me: Well I know there's a ____ at ____ (something you like, but that you know she likes too... to show her you are in tune with her as a whole person). I was thinking of checking it out. Wanna come?

I don't know of any events and finding out whats going on on in my town and trying to invite somebody to something feels like a major production.

 

It's like I'm looking at an impossible hill to climb. I can't hope for somebody who doesn't know me that well to let me take her to some event for the weekend.

[Meeks7]

It's very frustrating that the only thing I can do is ask them all out which is what he basically said.

 

 

I don't want to get rejected by a bunch of girls, if I even get that far because they might start to talk about me if I ask out two.

 

Rejection is part of life. The key is how does one respond to it. And to take it further, rather than looking at it as a "failure," look at it as a learning experience. Did you know the guy who created the polio vaccine, Jonas Salk, took 200 tries? Imagine if he quit after trying it once, or even 199 times. But because of his never-say-die attitude, he changed the world and saved countless lives. Here's the encouragement: your breakthrough will come if you just persist BUT you have to keep adapting your strategies with each lesson that life teaches you.

 

When one combination didn't work for Jonas Salk, guess what, he made a key note of it and did not REPEAT the procedure. He switched it up until he found a formula that worked. And you, my friend, need to do the same.

 

 

I know that my interaction with them is very minor to them and that I mean almost nothing to everybody. With that in mind how am I supposed to get anybody to go on a date with me?

 

Well I've told you this 100 times before, but you haven't listened. Before you can walk, you need to learn how to crawl. I don't mean that in an insulting fashion. Or, before you can run, you first must learn how to jog. Dating is like step 4 for you right now, because your social skills and social cues need a lot of improvement and experience. Why don't you look for a more manageable step, i.e. step 1, 2 or 3. Something smaller and more likely to produce success and thus create POSITIVE MOMENTUM for you.

 

step 1 would be like little experiements. talking up every cashier you encounter in a business transaction. talking to the waitress. get out of your comfort zone and just talk with many different strangers at every chance you can get. It's free and would be good for you.

 

step 2 would be like joining a social club and STICKING WITH IT. Really making the effort to attend consistently and talk with the people there. Get to know others, and make yourself known to those in the club/group

 

step 3 would be like making and maintaining healthy relationships i.e. have some friends in your life, which can come out of step 2 and believe it or not, even step 1. When I started the process of "rebuilding" myself, I forced myself to engage with people I saw on a weekly basis. The gas station guy, the cute girl working at Walgreens, the cashiers at Target. Guess what, I made friends with some of them, and we even hung out together here and there.

 

You do get out of life what you put in.

 

right now, you are basically at a standstill point, and you're trying to run a marathon with little to no training. it just won't happen. You're going to have to make a strategic plan, work that plan, adapt as you go along, and persist.

 

No two ways about it. If you keep doing what you're doing, you will be exactly where you are now. There is no use fighting this fact. You have been a living example of that fact for the past x-amount of years. It's time to do things with a little more wisdom and discretion, my friend.

 

I know that my interaction with them is very minor to them and that I mean almost nothing to everybody.

 

Having no friends suck, right? See, you wouldn't have this desperate feeling if you at least had some good friends in your life. Would it solve your girlfriend angst? No, but I tell ya what, you wouldn't be so frustrated and depressed. All humans desire to love and to be loved. Being loved by good friends you can trust has a lot more impact than what you have been giving it credit for.

 

With that in mind how am I supposed to get anybody to go on a date with me

 

It's pretty evident the further you chase this single-minded goal, the further you actually get away from achieving it. This should ring a bell in your mind that it's time to re-prioritize. Go back to the drawing board and build a solid foundation for YOURSELF. Live your own life. Ace that calculus class. Get into the best shape of your life. Nail down your career. Have some adventures and make some good friends. The rest will eventually take care of itself. The frustrating part I know is that this process often times takes longer than we would like, but that's life. You need to learn how to enjoy the process, and not just the end goal. You miss out a lot if you just focus on the end goal.

 

I don't know of any events and finding out whats going on on in my town and trying to invite somebody to something feels like a major production.

 

Yikes. Why do you keep making the smallest things so HUGE? It's not this hard, Somedude. But something about you likes to make it into this gigantic production so that you just end up overanalyzing and thus failing time after time.

 

For pete's sake you live in LA (one of the best places to be 31 years old) and you have GOOGLE access at the tip of your fingers. Don't tell me you can't find out events that are going on in your town.

 

Again, surprise surprise, going back to the friend thing, if you had a varied source of friends, you could ask them what's going on around town. If it weren't for the many friends I have, I would have missed out on various fun events over the years.

 

How many times do people here keep telling you... you cannot live in isolation from the world!

 

Sorry bro, but I see a ton of self-sabotage on your part. All these little things and steps you COULD TAKE to better your life, you continue to turn a blind eye to and try and fix things your way. Guess what, it's time to adapt and adopt.

 

It's like I'm looking at an impossible hill to climb. I can't hope for somebody who doesn't know me that well to let me take her to some event for the weekend.

 

That's because quite frankly, YOU ARE. You are looking at an impossible hill to climb when you wish to skip steps and avoid taking care of the little things that add up in life.

 

Here's a final example. I'll pull from my own life.

 

Did you know, in high school I wanted to be an actor? But like I said, I was introverted (still am) and shy. However, when I stepped on stage, I shined. That was my chance to break out of my shell for a few minutes and show the world how beautiful I am (corny I know, but that's how I felt about it).

 

Did I just dream about it? No, I took some steps of action. I wasn't going to make the big school play unless I put in some work.

 

So I took acting classes, made acting friends (who could help rehearse with me and give me tips) and generally worked my butt off to give myself a legit chance. I improve over time, honed my skills and created some much needed POSITIVE MOMENTUM for myself.

 

I didn't go from dreamer to co-starring in the big high school play overnight.

 

I put in the long hours and work.

 

I broke down the impossible by taking it one step at a time, until the impossible became possible.

 

And yes, I did end up co-starring in the big final high school play. It was a dream that I made come true by my calculated hard work and never-say-die attitude. I came into the audition just hoping to be in it, and turns out I knocked it out of the park. It was one of the best experiences of my life, right next to going to Africa to help out orphans (and eventually meeting Beth).

 

For you, it is similar. You are simply not going to go from being a socially awkward loner to having a girlfriend overnight. You need to make a plan, stick with it, adapt, adopt and persist. There are no two ways about it. Any other method is simply self-sabotage and insanity.

 

Now you have two options, Somedude.

 

Either you agree and you earnestly try, or you don't. As simple as that. While results will vary greatly with the former, I can guarantee you that with the latter you will be stuck in the same exact position, except of course you'll be worse off than before due to the simple fact that you are not getting any younger. And the older you get, naturally, the more difficult it will become for you. On a positive note, you are 31 and still young enough to turn it around. But, it would be foolish to waste the next couple years doing the same routine you have been doing and hoping somehow for things to change, because they most likely won't.

 

Now it's your time to choose. Will you take action, or not? Choose wisely. And all the best.

[Meeks7]

Thoughts, SomeDude?

 

Or was I just wasting my time making that long reply to you?

 

Are you going to change up anything in your life? Or are you going to scoff at the ideas and keep doing what you're doing, with little to no changes in your routine?

[xxoo]

Hmm, one person says to ask if she's seeing the guy, another says not to. Decision 2012. I need more votes!

 

She almost always leaves class with him.

 

I'm really not sure how to handle it.

 

Why not ask?

 

"So, you seeing that _______ guy?"

 

she confirms:

 

"Let me know if that doesn't work out, k?" :::cheesy grin::::

 

She denies:

 

"Ah, a single lady, huh?" :::cheesy grin::::

 

Gives her a chance to clarify if she is seeing someone else, or married, and it is flirting. See how she responds.

[somedude81]

Thoughts, SomeDude?

 

Or was I just wasting my time making that long reply to you?

 

Are you going to change up anything in your life? Or are you going to scoff at the ideas and keep doing what you're doing, with little to no changes in your routine?

I read it and continue to go back to this thread several times a day to glance over various things.

 

Honestly, I'm very frustrated and my head starts to hurt when I focus on this topic too much.

 

It's obvious to me that things are not going the way I want and that I most likely won't go on a single date or even hang out with anybody from this class or anything else.

 

Ugh this thread is starting to become too much like the one in the other section.

[Meeks7]

I read it and continue to go back to this thread several times a day to glance over various things.

 

Honestly, I'm very frustrated and my head starts to hurt when I focus on this topic too much.

 

It's obvious to me that things are not going the way I want and that I most likely won't go on a single date or even hang out with anybody from this class or anything else.

 

Ugh this thread is starting to become too much like the one in the other section.

 

 

I appreciate your being honest. I had a feeling you were having a hard time focusing. This is not easy, I know dude, because I have been through what you're going through (only for me it was in my mid 20s). It sucks, dude. It's tough, I know. I get that. I totally do. But the fact of the matter is, I wasn't able to clear my hurdles until I proactively made some life changes.

 

There is no "lucking" one's way out of a long slump like this. Just take small steps, each day. Before long, you will have made some progress.

 

Anywho, I won't give you another big speech or anything. I do wish you the best, but last thing I will say is it seems as though once things get too hard or frustrating, you just avoid it and try to brush it under the rug. I've done that so many times, and it ends up just hurting you in the long run more than anything else. I feel for you, because I know what it feels like. You feel like you can't get out or get better. That's just a lie, though. You can break free. But it's gonna come at a cost. You're going to have to formulate some life strategies or plans, and stick them out to the end.

 

No two ways about it.

 

If you really want to experience success, I'd say it starts with finding one person in real life you can be vulnerable with. Like all this stuff you share on LS... if you could find one person (male or female, preferably male since at this point any female you'd probably fall for and that likely won't end well with where you are at, mentally, right now)... if you could find one person (either a "friend" or a "therapist") to share all this with, how much better off would you be.

 

Start with one. Go from there. But you can't keep living life in isolation. Well you can, but then don't expect your life circumstances to change. Anyway, I've talked your ear off enough already. As always, it falls back on you and what you're willing to do. Take care of yourself, bro.