Rebound or Grass is Greener?

[nat5]

Hi, ive read alot on here about rebound relationships and the grass is greener syndrome and im trying to make sense of my own situation. I would be very greatful for anyones view, sorry for it being so long.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. We are both 20 and were together for 4.5 years. We lived together for 2.5 years. The morning that he split up with me we opened a joint savings account, then that evening he ended it.

 

When we broke up he said that he wanted more time with his friends and gave me other reasons which never made sense. He loved me he loved me but wasnt 'in love' with me and things like that.

 

So after the first week he said we would take things slowly and date again. Then he decided he couldnt do that and it was over, i then found out he was then with a girl from work who had only started working there 4 weeks before. They started seeing each other about two weeks after we broke up.

 

So then last week he sees a lad has commented on my profile, not on his facebook through his moms, he came round to my house at midnight angry asking who it was. After 3 hours of talking he says he wants me back, he then broke it off with this other girl we had a nice few days but then he tells me he cant carry on and that when we are together it feels so right and when were not together it doesnt feel right.

 

I have now found out hes now back with this girl. When he came back to me he told me that this girl wasnt his type, that he was with her to forget me but it wasnt working, that she was the opposite to me, she was loud and little things would annoy him, shes 17. However when he text me he said he does like her. And she has told him she loves him (its been two weeks!). He said she had just come out a long relationship where her ex cheated on her.

 

i dropped the rest of his stuff to his moms, she told me he had been asking about first loves and soul mates, she said he said me and him still had a strong connection. She told him he was making a big mistake and he said life is for making mistakes and learning. She also said what will he do if i got a new bf and he said he wont have to deal with that for a while cos i still love him and wont get over him that easily.

 

In his last text to me he said 'im going to delete your number now so i cant lead you on, bye, ill speak to you soon' - what does that mean? he says hell delete my number so cant talk to me but says speak soon.

 

Has anyone any experience with anything like this? We had a happy relationship, the last few months he was stressed out with work, and we found it hard with money, but i didnt even see the break up coming.

 

Thank you for reading and any advice

[River Rain]

Maybe you're overthinking it. "speak to you soon" could just be his salutation, like "talk to you later" or "see you around" or "good bye". Don't waste your time trying to analyze a text message. He's been playing around with you, together, breakup, together, breakup...he sounds like he wants to mess around, and keep you as his back up.

[Tree_Salmon]

Hi, ive read alot on here about rebound relationships and the grass is greener syndrome and im trying to make sense of my own situation. I would be very greatful for anyones view, sorry for it being so long.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. We are both 20 and were together for 4.5 years. We lived together for 2.5 years. The morning that he split up with me we opened a joint savings account, then that evening he ended it.

 

When we broke up he said that he wanted more time with his friends and gave me other reasons which never made sense. He loved me he loved me but wasnt 'in love' with me and things like that.

 

So after the first week he said we would take things slowly and date again. Then he decided he couldnt do that and it was over, i then found out he was then with a girl from work who had only started working there 4 weeks before. They started seeing each other about two weeks after we broke up.

 

So then last week he sees a lad has commented on my profile, not on his facebook through his moms, he came round to my house at midnight angry asking who it was. After 3 hours of talking he says he wants me back, he then broke it off with this other girl we had a nice few days but then he tells me he cant carry on and that when we are together it feels so right and when were not together it doesnt feel right.

 

I have now found out hes now back with this girl. When he came back to me he told me that this girl wasnt his type, that he was with her to forget me but it wasnt working, that she was the opposite to me, she was loud and little things would annoy him, shes 17. However when he text me he said he does like her. And she has told him she loves him (its been two weeks!). He said she had just come out a long relationship where her ex cheated on her.

 

i dropped the rest of his stuff to his moms, she told me he had been asking about first loves and soul mates, she said he said me and him still had a strong connection. She told him he was making a big mistake and he said life is for making mistakes and learning. She also said what will he do if i got a new bf and he said he wont have to deal with that for a while cos i still love him and wont get over him that easily.

 

In his last text to me he said 'im going to delete your number now so i cant lead you on, bye, ill speak to you soon' - what does that mean? he says hell delete my number so cant talk to me but says speak soon.

 

Has anyone any experience with anything like this? We had a happy relationship, the last few months he was stressed out with work, and we found it hard with money, but i didnt even see the break up coming.

 

Thank you for reading and any advice

 

This was a young relationship and i'm not surprised it went this way. You will most likely have many new ones.

 

I went through the same thing. Best thing to do is learn from it, deal with the pain and move on. You are so young. Your twenties will be filled with more mature relationships.

[oracle]

Sorry for the mess you are going thru.

 

If you havent, read my thread posted at the top of this section (Realistic tips for surviving the end of your relationship..) . The three rules i write about can be applied to your situation and help you sort thru the BS and perceptions game.

 

You guys were young, really young. My ex and I did 14 years from both aged 19.

 

You guys were not even 16.

 

The grass is greener is usually the catalyst, and usually someone else. Also people evolve as they age, and that causes changes in the relationship dynamic as well.

 

Bottom line.. I would walk away. and not look back, as hard as that is to hear.

 

If hes doing this BS Now.. hes prolly gonna do it again when he turns 35 or some other milestone that kicks his insecurity up.

 

My ex left me about a year into our relationship to date a 16yo for a month.. then that turned south and i was all to happy to take him back. Things were alright for 12 more years but i never really trusted him cause I knew he could turn it on and off like a light switch. Eventually he got really close with a 18yo employee and that opened his eyes to a bunch of imaginary possibilities. Trust me, its easier now.. then doing their 14 years down the road when you haved joint assets and possibly kids.

 

Don't ever tolerate being played around.

 

What starts in blood.. will typically end in blood.

 

History will usually repeat itself.

 

Good luck

 

 

 

Hi, ive read alot on here about rebound relationships and the grass is greener syndrome and im trying to make sense of my own situation. I would be very greatful for anyones view, sorry for it being so long.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago. We are both 20 and were together for 4.5 years. We lived together for 2.5 years. The morning that he split up with me we opened a joint savings account, then that evening he ended it.

 

When we broke up he said that he wanted more time with his friends and gave me other reasons which never made sense. He loved me he loved me but wasnt 'in love' with me and things like that.

 

So after the first week he said we would take things slowly and date again. Then he decided he couldnt do that and it was over, i then found out he was then with a girl from work who had only started working there 4 weeks before. They started seeing each other about two weeks after we broke up.

 

So then last week he sees a lad has commented on my profile, not on his facebook through his moms, he came round to my house at midnight angry asking who it was. After 3 hours of talking he says he wants me back, he then broke it off with this other girl we had a nice few days but then he tells me he cant carry on and that when we are together it feels so right and when were not together it doesnt feel right.

 

I have now found out hes now back with this girl. When he came back to me he told me that this girl wasnt his type, that he was with her to forget me but it wasnt working, that she was the opposite to me, she was loud and little things would annoy him, shes 17. However when he text me he said he does like her. And she has told him she loves him (its been two weeks!). He said she had just come out a long relationship where her ex cheated on her.

 

i dropped the rest of his stuff to his moms, she told me he had been asking about first loves and soul mates, she said he said me and him still had a strong connection. She told him he was making a big mistake and he said life is for making mistakes and learning. She also said what will he do if i got a new bf and he said he wont have to deal with that for a while cos i still love him and wont get over him that easily.

 

In his last text to me he said 'im going to delete your number now so i cant lead you on, bye, ill speak to you soon' - what does that mean? he says hell delete my number so cant talk to me but says speak soon.

 

Has anyone any experience with anything like this? We had a happy relationship, the last few months he was stressed out with work, and we found it hard with money, but i didnt even see the break up coming.

 

Thank you for reading and any advice

Edited November 1, 2012 by oracle