katelynnchambers Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 (edited) It actually feels great just to type this, so even if I don't get any answers, it's all good. ALSO THIS IS GOING TO BE EXTREMELY LONG, but please read it and answer if you can! anyway so, I met a guy about the same age as me (I'm 21 now and he's a few months behind me in age) over a year ago in college. We were stuck in this extremely boring class together, and he sat right in front of me; having the same ridiculous sense of humor, we really hit it off. I thought he was pretty cute, and I think he found me attractive too, but he was going through a breakup so we we "just friends" That was Spring Semester, so we started hanging out outside of class over summer break. We'd go hiking in the early afternoon and hang out all the way until nighttime, when we'd go to old cemeteries and look for ghosts. Yes, this is how we spent our time! Haha! I think my humor and all helped him through his breakup, and he told me so on a few occasions, so I was happy I could help; I cared about him. We continued hanging out off and on during Fall of that year; we'd go hit an action movie at the theater (mostly we just sat there and made fun of the actors, even to a point where this one dude stood up and yelled at us in the theater. We're jerks, yes.) or we'd just sit and play video games. We would talk for HOURS about stupid things that didn't even matter, or have deep debates about ideologies or whatever silly things we felt like. We lost touch over last winter because we were both busy with our own lives. He never dated anyone while we were friends, but he also never made any moves on me (though he insisted on hugs and carrying me around like a child when we were hiking, which was cute and flirty) after winter, we began hanging out again this past spring. One night we were at a playground at like 11 at night, and we were watching the stars. He kept holding my hands and pulling me close, which was not how we usually acted, but I liked it. then, all of a sudden, he kissed my cheek a few times slowly. I was pretty shocked so I asked him what we were doing, kind of half laughing, and he backed off. I didn't necessarily want him too, i was just too embarrassed and surprised to say that I liked it. we drove home together, and for the first time EVER, there was awkward silence between us. We were ALWAYS talking and laughing (and loud XD), but my god it was quiet. he texted me the next morning and said we should forget about it, and he made a mistake. I blew it off, I said it was no problem, we were both really tired and stupid. [even though I didn't feel that way at all, I just didn't want to act all weird and clingy, like "Noo I really think it was great and we should date, so. so date me now. : D"] Then, after that, he stopped texting me and asking to hang out. I would text him now and again to see how he was, but he never texted me anymore, so I felt awkward and like a bother, so I stopped texting him, too. He hasn't dated anybody since, that I know of, and we still talk on facebook, exchanging some of our silly inside jokes and all, but I have not seen him since the spring when he kissed me. I haven't been on any serious dates since I've seen him; I've been asked out several times by guys and politely turned them down. looking back, I feel like it may have been because I actually have pretty heavy feeling for this guy friend of mine, and the thought of trying to connect to anyone else makes me feel sick. This guy just felt like /home/, ya know? Well, yesterday I burst into tears thinking about him and the all the good times we'd had, all our silly, hours-long conversations. Like, out of NOWHERE. I feel so stupid and ridiculous, I mean, I never even /dated/ him and I'm bawling like a baby over this? WHY?? It was just so sudden, I didn't think I was bothered by it anymore... I really just want him, and only him, but I'm too much of a coward to tell him myself. I'm afraid that if I do, he'll blow me off and act like he never had feelings for me. Does anyone else have a similar experience? Can anyone offer me advice? What is the matter with me, why can't I move on with this stupid thing?? I wish I could tell a friend, but lots of my friends know him, and I'm embarrassed by how much I still feel for him; I'm afraid I'll look stupid and silly to my friends. After all, I didn't even actually date him, I've really got no excuse to feel this heart broken for so long. I feel like I love him. Like LOVE LOVE him, as in unselfishly care about him and just want him to be happy, even if it's not with me. If anyone has any idea why he did this, though, I'd appreciate some insight! it would help so so much. <3 I have so little experience to draw on with this stuff, so I don't know how to read what he did, and it still bothers me even now. :/ Why did he kiss me like that, so lovingly (not in a horney, hormone-driven way) and then just back off entirely? I just want to try and understand, at least. XD Tips to move on would help too! I keep searching "tips to get over a guy" but nothing really suits my individual situation, as they all have to to with a guy you've actually dated. so really, you guys on here are the only people I can talk to and get advice from. Please post if you have the time! Edited October 31, 2012 by katelynnchambers
NateC Posted November 1, 2012 Posted November 1, 2012 I think he got cold feet and backed off...then you did because he did, and now it's back to the "stranger" stage. Try to talk with him about what happened that night ...if it feels like you should, tell him how you really felt and if he really wanted to date you. It's hard to say what the right thing is, but if you like him - making an attempt will definitely show it.
Author katelynnchambers Posted November 1, 2012 Author Posted November 1, 2012 Nate: Yeah, the cold feet thing seems to make sense. I'm just afraid to say anything! I mean, we talk about stupid things over facebook via PM, and that's the only contact we have. I don't want to suddenly bring up something that might /really/ be what he considered a mistake. I wish I had more guts than this. XD
kamani Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 I feel men are like that. They show their affection all of a sudden and when the response was neautral they behave as if nothing happened. I too can't understand. I feel bad for you. You are desperately in love with him, so discuss this directly. After all you are his friend.
NateC Posted November 2, 2012 Posted November 2, 2012 Nate: Yeah, the cold feet thing seems to make sense. I'm just afraid to say anything! I mean, we talk about stupid things over facebook via PM, and that's the only contact we have. I don't want to suddenly bring up something that might /really/ be what he considered a mistake. I wish I had more guts than this. XD Oh, I know it's easier said than done. It's something that you really have to do though...either way you'll know where you stand after.
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