Swe3tAngel Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 a lil long but plzz understand it's important detail... plz dont skip or else u won't b able to understand me or help me the right way.. PLZ READ I DO NEED THE HELP.. plz respond too I was "with" a guy for a year. I am 25 yrs old and he is 23. We met at school and we were semi-friends and we hung out here and there..he then started pursuing me and asked me out on dates and flirted in front of everyone and made it clear that he was interested. I played cool and he kept doing it. I slowly started liking him...One day we decided to hang out at his house with his housemates (mutual friends) .. and we drank some wine n watched a movie. after that, everyone went into their rooms and left me alone with him in his room. i was like il sleep on the couch and he said come to my bed and il give u a massage and i said sure. he then started kissing my back while massaging and calling me beautiful and finally said if he could kiss me. He not only kissed me, but broke all the boundaries right then and there as he did other physical things that ppl shud do in a relationship. I didn't mind because i had already liked him and i thought he liked me too so i went along with it. I thought this was the start of a potential relationship. i still kept my cool tho. After that he said sry for breaking the boundary and i said its ok .. but of course we ended up kissing again and stuf.. he started making promises like when he gets his dream job in like 2 yrs he's gna take me to a really expensive restaurant.. he even came to my house and met my family and told me that if his social life was better (he's a workaholic and is only in the us with a student visa and has to work harder than others because if he does bad at school, they'll send him back) .. so basically he said if his situation was better then he would see us married in like 2 years. so i took all these signs as he deff likes me and deff wants something special with me and i felt so happy and so special and i decided that all it takes is for me to be patient until he gets his life to be stable and il just b by his side to support him and so that he knows im there for him and im willing to wait. He didn't tell me to wait because he thought it wud be unfair for me to wait since he didn't know what would happen and how long it wud take but i assured him that i didnt mind. i told him we could take it day by day..if he wanted to stop it he would have stopped it right there and there but no he continued and that assured me that he was ok with it. both of us were virgins... and one day we decided to sleep together and lose our v to each other. n we did. and i told him that night that i loved him and he told me to slow down and i was going too fast. and he reminded me that he didnt want a relationship at the moment cuz he couldn't afford one and it wouldn't be fair to me.. so i assured him that i didn't mind waiting and that we could take it day by day.. and he also assured me that if he cud afford a relationship then it would be with ME so again, assured me to wait for him to be stable. since then.. id spend the nights at his house... LIKE HIS WIFE.. through thick and thin, i was by his side.. i put up with so much just to support him. he didn't have a car at first, so id wake up at 5am to take him to work and go pick him up at 10pm...he'd be so tired that he'd fall asleep as soon as he got home and it wud suck for me but i reminded myself that he's tired n that it will be worth it.. he broke his leg once, and i cooked for him, cleaned for him, even showered him and gave up so much and sacrificed so much for him.. only because i kept telling myself it will be worth it. one day we got in a argument (yes we would fight many times before that too for stupid silly things but we'd make up..oh and he hit me countless times and apologized for it later) .. but this time we fought in front of a mutual friend and the mutual friend asked him if we're going to b a real couple soon or something.. and he turned around and said NO.. and i was SHOCKED.. he told the mutual friend that NO MATTER what i do differently or whatever happens he will NEVER be with me...and that he doesn't love me. I was so shocked and so hurt that i got up and left.. he came after me to apologize and to explain but i didn't want to hear it. I went home and changed my phone # and he emailed me and i just emailed back saying 'let me go n forget me i changed my number because of u get the point' ... but nope, he found my number and came to my house, in front of my mom and dad apologized with gifts.. and came in begging me to stay and said he didn't want to lose my friendship... and i told him... if he didn't love me and didn't want to be with me EVER then he should let me go because i don't want the friendship and i want the relatonship n it wasnt fair to me ... but he asked for a chance.. he took me to his house that nigth and literally spent the whole night crying and holding me.. he kept saying 'stay plz dont leave' .. the whole night he cried.. the next morning i told him im gna leave and that he should delete my # cuz i changed it because of him.. and he didn't respect that.. for the next few days he kept texting me crying faces... i felt really bad so i decided to meet up and give him a chance.. so i did. we went bak to sleeping together and just being together and i thought this time he wouldn't do anything stupid to lose me but of course we fought again.. next thing i found out is that theres a new girl at school and he had apparently gotten close with her and got her flowers for her show.. i was shocked.. i was so heartbroken.. i went to her and him to confirm and both of them denied it... but that night he called me and basically told me off that he kept so much inside him for the whole year and that i tortured him, it was tortures for him to be my side, and that he didn't love me and that i was controlling, and he suffered by my side.. and he told me to stay the f away from his life and hung up. since then i became so crzy .. the anger had overwelmed me to the poitn that i couldn't control it. i wud call him like 40 times a day to want answers because i think anyone in my shoes would have lost it. and hed tell me to leave. i was not just angry, i was also jealous abt this new girl, and i was really insecure for the first time.. on top of that, i felt used and abused. on his bday, i got him a gift and on my bday ( a few days later) he came by with flowers and apologized for his behavior and wanted us to be friends (no physical intimacy tho) i, being a fool, accepted that and wanted to try it but of course id want the intimacy but he would reject it and push me away.. so that dragged us to fight even more and by this point i started cussing him out and telling him off and vise versa.. within 4 months.. we fought like crzy, he ignored me, came back apologized, then did the same thing again... it dragged me to the point that i even started threatening to take him to court and destroying his life just like he destroyed mine...by causing so many physical damages to me plus emotional abuse.. he'd get scared of the threats and id try to explain that i just want RESPECT and he wud just be consentrating on the stupid threats. he even contacted my dad about the threats. which drove me crazy. finally.. a few days ago.. he wanted to meet up and talk. so i, again being stupid, went to see him to see what he wanted. he told me that he was living paranoid because of me and that he'd block my number and didn't want to because he thought id understand and leave him alone. he even said 'we can end this beautifully' and also said 'ya u gave me everything but i never wanted anything from you' ... to which i went psychotic.. because DUH who wouldn't! .. so then he opened his phone and i saw that girl's pic on his display.. and i forced him to give me the phone so i cud read the texts because he had lied to me.. and i finally read the texts to which he would tell her he misses her and kissy faces and he'd b so flirty with her.. he basically would text her like 1000 times a day for the past few days.. and those texts killed me because he had told me he works 22 hours and has no time to breathe (which is true that he works 22 hours) but he told me he didn't have time to respond or see ppl.. but he made time for her.. some stranger that he barely knows (btw she's married and has a kid she fought with her husband but i think they're bak together now) .. imagine how i felt... i waited for him to be stable for a relationship as he told me if he cud, it would be with me.. n this is what i find out.. so i takled to her and confronted her for lying to me and she said that she didn't and that she was just friends with him... and i got mad because in the texts she led him on and she let him takl to her that way.. or else she would have told him to stop... and they did meet up and stuff.. so i confronted both of them.. to which she told him that im bothering her.. and she was like fine we won't be friends anymore... and of course he took her side and told me off.. he didn't even bother to understand what i felt and just thought of her and that he lost the friendship (potential gf - which was just his dream) because of "me" ... he then changed his phone number... same day that i takled to him and told him that the last HIT he could give me that would kill me completley was for him to either block my number or change his number.. and he did it that same day.. now he changed his number and blocked me out from email, facebook, and every other thing.. i cant sleep, i do hate him so much, but at the same time i still care i don't understand why.. and i feel like i died.. I KNOW HE DOESNT DESRVE ME i know he ****ed up.. and i know he's an ass, but can i plz get any other answer besides the pretty obvious ones that 'he doesn't deserve you move on' 'you'll be ok' ... those are given... i need more than that.. is there any chance left that he'l understand what he did? i feel ruined because he stepped on me.. i lost all faith and hope and trust in love in general... plz dnt give a generic response 'he doesn't deserve u move on'..
hurt_burst Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 yes i would say..... shut yourself away from all things related to love and live like a robot for sometime...if he comes to see you .. texts you ...meets you... very politely tell him that... you are barely getting your sanity back and please you to heal and maybe after that you would consider what he is saying... Just try to heal yourself.. Dont watch romantic movies or anything... Cultivate some habits which make you get tired so that you sleep easily and dont spend time thinking about unnecessary stuff. Join a gym, cross fit go running or dance school or whatever gets you tired. I like to put it bluntly... be a bitch for few months... and make yourself completely unavailable...Numb
puzzled1 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 Unfortunately, there are not any answers for his reasoning. He is obviously confused and sense he was your 1st love (I am assuming) you cannot seem to let him go. He is taking advantage of you because you are so naive. You need to stop contact with him immediately and focus on yourself for a while. Delete him from everything in your life and you will start forming the way you want.
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